This Is Why She Stopped Falling And Started Being Guarded

God & Man

It all starts with a girl who only wanted a magical love story. She believed in fairytales and prince charming. She believed that love can heal her wounds and bring her back to life. She always thought that when she finds him, she’s going to give him everything. She promised to love him with all her heart and promised to be loyal and faithful to him. She promised to cherish him forever because she’s been waiting for him all her life and she knew that she was going to fall hard and fast when she sees him.

And then she made a few mistakes. She loved the wrong ones. Her prince never came along so she kissed a lot of frogs.

And suddenly her heart changed. Heartbreak changed her. Her castle and kingdom of love was burnt to ashes.

So she had to stop being the hopeless romantic and start being guarded because she couldn’t afford another heartbreak. She was running out of tears and out of hope.

So now, she sees him and she looks the other way. She sees him and she doesn’t tell him that she misses him. She sees him and she doesn’t text him or call him or even show any sign of interest. Because he took her for granted when she did. He didn’t appreciate her. He still doesn’t. He only misses the attention.

Now she thinks of him and forces herself to believe that he’s bad news, that he’s no good. She forces herself to remember the tears she cried over him, how he made her feel and how he made her question her self-worth all along.

She sees him and she can’t trust him. He broke something in her. He broke something between them and it’s just never going to be the same again. She wants to be warm but instead she’s cold. She wants to laugh at his jokes but she can’t even smile at him. She wants to hug him but she can’t even shake his hand.

This is what happens when the girl who hoped for more is broken, when she feels stupid for choosing to love someone who never wanted to love her back.

She sees him and she can’t see anything but lies, games and more lies. His eyes used to be so kind to her, now they’re just too cruel. His smile used to melt her heart and now her heart is frozen. His presence used to make her day and now it just ruins her night.

She sees him and she can’t help but hate him, not only for letting her go, but for changing the heart of a girl who knew nothing but love to a heart of a girl who doesn’t want anything to do with it. A girl who runs away from love. A girl who’s had enough. TC mark

Rania Naim is a poet and author of the new book All The Words I Should Have Said, available here.

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Rania Naim

Writing. Living. Loving. Dreaming. Healing. Evolving.

Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again

Nothing scares me more than someone loving me one day and deciding they don’t want me the next. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again.

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