I’ll sing. I’ll sing my favorite songs, the ones you didn’t really like, the ones that deeply touched me but never made sense to you. I’ll sing off key, I’ll sing without perfection, I’ll sing without trying to impress you. I’ll sing because I have a voice and I want to use it, even if you never liked it.
I’ll dance. I’ll shake your memory off, I’ll move my feet to the music and just get lost in it, for the first time, I’ll get lost in the dance, not in you. For the first time, I’ll dance for myself. I’ll dance for my freedom.
I’ll write. I’ll write openly and honestly about our love, about my heartbreak, about your faults, about our fights, I’ll write about you and I’m not going to worry about what you might think or what you might say. I’ll write everything I wish I’d told you and everything I wish I had done and I’ll write about you because this is how I heal, this is how I remember to forget you.
I’ll cry. I’ll cry about losing you and wanting you more than you ever did. I’ll cry about the plans I made for us that never happened, about all the dreams I built around you that never came true. I’ll cry because it hurts to convince myself that it’s for the better. I’ll cry till my tears run out.
I’ll smile. When I remember our good times, when I remember how I loved you and how you made me feel. I’ll smile because at least, at one point in time, you were everything I wanted and I saw a glimpse of what could be, a glimpse of us. I’ll smile because you’re no longer worth my tears.
I’ll let go. When I remember that you could’ve had me but you walked away, when I realize that you could’ve fought harder but you gave up and when I look back on all the times I’ve missed you but you didn’t miss me.
I’ll stop. I’ll stop missing you, I’ll stop thinking about you, I’ll stop caring about it all and I will stop dreaming and finally wake up.
Rania Naim is a poet and the author of the book All The Words I Should Have Said.