I would like to know how you do it? How do you make him go from not ready to commit to proposing? How do you make him go from being a selfish, conceited player to a faithful, giving man? How do you make him go from a boy to a man?
I meet a man, fall in love with him, and wait for him to magically and miraculously realize that he is madly in love with me and I keep holding on to this this belief until this man magically and miraculously falls in love with YOU. What happened there? Where did I go wrong and where did you go right?
Is it because I usually fall for men who will never be interested in me? Or is it because somewhere along the line I pushed them away? Or maybe it’s because I am lost and I still don’t know who I am or where I belong.
But wait a minute, you are not that much different from me, you are also struggling to define your life and you have the same issues and insecurities too. You’re also a hopeless romantic like me. How did you make him accept you? How did you make him notice you even though you might not be the prettiest or the smartest girl in the room? How did you win?
I never truly understood how some girls are just good at this game, I’ve never been that type and even when I try, I fail miserably.
Some girls just really know how to get a guy interested in them even if they didn’t have the slightest attraction in the first place. Even though I could try and interpret how you got him, at the end of the day, he picked you and for the longest time this caused me one heartache after the other, but I finally realized that it’s not you, it’s not me….it’s him.
He picked you, he didn’t pick me, he wanted you, he didn’t want me but it’s not because of who I am, it’s because of who he is.
I picked him and it was simply wrong. I should not have fallen for a man who after a long day did not make me feel safe, comfortable and secure. I should not have fallen for a man who made me feel like I have to figure my shit out so his majesty can accept me. I should not have fallen for a man who keeps me guessing, questioning and waiting. I should have not fallen for a man who is more concerned with finding excuses instead of ways to see me or talk to me.
I shouldn’t have picked a man who would not pick me.
So thank you for being a huge warning sign showing me that no matter what this man is made of or how busy he is or how terrified of commitment he claims to be, he will change when he finds the right girl and he will change willingly and for all the right reasons.
Thank you for reassuring me that even if I don’t have my shit together, the right man will still believe in me because that’s what love is. Thank you for being a constant barrier in my love life because if it wasn’t for you, I would have been chasing a bad dream, a dream that would have eventually broken me into pieces.
Thank you for being my very own blessing in disguise.