I got used to my loneliness.
It bothers me sometimes but it’s also comfortable. It’s safe knowing that no one has any power over me and it’s safe knowing that no one is close enough to break me.
It scares me sometimes but it’s also familiar. I know it by heart, it doesn’t really change and it doesn’t surprise me, it’s an old friend, a dear old friend who’s been there for me through thick and thin and a friend who’s been by my side when no else was.
It pains me sometimes but it also heals me. It floods my eyes with tears but it also brings out my depth, my talents, my kindness and my strength. It makes me weak until it makes me strong, it almost kills me before it brings me back to life.
It makes me stay up all night but it also helps me sleep peacefully. Knowing there is no one out there who might be lying to me, knowing that there is no one out there who could wound me, knowing there is no one out there I’m scared to lose.
It’s the friend you don’t want to invite but shows up anyway and makes you feel better somehow. Like at least someone is by your side, someone is not giving up on you and someone will always be there when you hit rock bottom.
It’s ironic that people underestimate loneliness and claim that they have no one by their side. Loneliness is one big powerful person, loneliness is a ghost, loneliness is the elephant in the room and loneliness is too much to handle sometimes.
But I think we’re meant to be alone for a reason; loneliness is our greatest teacher. It teaches you how to be patient, how to endure, how to survive but it also you teaches you how to think, it makes you reflect on things and question them, it makes you try to come up with answers or even create them, but most importantly, it teaches you that you can’t run away from who you are, you can’t run away from your thoughts, your feelings and the voices in your head.
It teaches you that you’re stuck with yourself forever so you might as well love who you are. It teaches you how to face your demons and challenge your own insecurities and it teaches you how to fix yourself and hold your own hand as you walk through the darkness and as you walk through the light.