The Moment I Realized I Was Finally Over You / Balazs Kovacs / Balazs Kovacs

There was a moment when I thought that no matter what happens I will never get you out of my head, I will never get over you and I will never forget you. I wanted you engraved in my heart and stored in my mind. I wanted to live all those heartbreaking songs and romantic novels through you. I wanted you to be my happy place, but that was before I realized I had a choice–a choice to sincerely let you go.

There was a moment when holding on to the thought of you coming back consumed me and made me feel alive. I looked forward to the long-awaited reunion and the most romantic reconciliation story this generation ever witnessed, until I realized I am neglecting what someone has to offer me now. Someone with a solid plan and solid actions, someone who doesn’t make my love life a fantasy for “someday.”

There was a moment when I would go back and read your old messages and believe in them all over again, until I realized I was looking at a screen that can’t hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be alright.

There was a moment when I was upset because I didn’t hear from you on my birthday, until I realized that even when you attended my birthday, I never really felt your presence. And every year I grew accustomed to your absence in each milestone in my life.

There was a moment when I called your friend to ask about you, until I realized you are fine and doing well and don’t need me around. And I wondered if this has always been the case and I was just living in the fantasy of you and I.

There was a moment when I broke so many hearts trying to forget you, until I realized that they don’t deserve to pay the price of your selfishness or your mistakes and that I have to mend my own heart.

There was a moment when I blamed everyone but you that it didn’t work out between us, until I realized I could keep playing the blame game forever but I will still lose.

There was a moment when that heartbreaking song came on and I almost turned the volume up, until I realized that I can just change the station and listen to a different song.

There was a moment when I prayed for you to come back, until I realized that I should pray for someone who never leaves instead.

There was a moment when I almost let someone amazing go because he was not you, until I realized that this is a good thing and it is what I had been asking for — to never fall in love with someone like you again.

Now I look at your old texts, listen to these heartbreaking songs and remember my juvenile fantasy and smile. Smile because they all got me to where I belong. They got me to appreciate a happier place I never thought of. They got me to ask for a lifetime without you. They got me to rethink some of my old beliefs. They got me to find someone better. They got me to love myself and that was the moment I realized I was finally over you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writing makes me feel alive. Words heal me.

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