After writing Giving My First Blowjob, I realized how often fellatio is a topic of conversation in my life (SHOCKING considering the number of times I’ve done it on camera). So I’m back to talk more about BLOWEYS! I hate to toot my own horn here, but I’ve never had a complaint and I’m confident in my D S’N skills.
Recently I found myself wondering “How do you do this wrong? How do girls/guys give BAD HEAD? What are they doing, reading too many bad tips in COSMO!?” so I decided to ask several of my male friends (straight, bi, gay, and a couple porn performers) “What are a few of your least favorite things that girls/guys do when giving you a blow job? What are some moves you love?”
My findings were interesting but not terribly shocking. I’m bearing in mind that not every girl is gonna have the same style and not every guy is gonna have the same preferences. Nothing wrong with that, to each their own! This list of the 10 worst things you can do during a blow job is based off of the most common responses from men, followed with my opinions, personal experience, and general advice on the subject. I also ran this by my friend Lexi Belle, winner of Best Oral Sex Scene at the 2013 AVN Awards for her scene in Massive Facials 4 (Elegant Angel Productions). This list has the stamp of approval from an award winning fellatio artist, so there’s that.
Oh, and yes, I used caps lock as often as I felt like in this one, too.
1. NOT ENOUGH SPIT
Hey, ladies? You know how friction can be uncomfortable when you’re not wet enough? Yeah, well same goes for a penis. Not every guy likes a super sloppy blow job, but TOO DRY = NO GOOD. I’m huge into spit fetish, so spit strings, repetitive spitting, and drool basically dripping down from my mouth down my tits to my pussy are some things I’m into, but some people think that’s excessive and gross, but oh well, it’s what I like.
Do what you like, just make sure there’s some oral lubrication going on. If you can deep throat, try inhaling through your nose and swallowing repetitively (like drinking a thick milkshake or whatever reminds you to swallow and open your throat – you’re going for that GUH GUH GUH sound) and if you choke or gag on it a bit, you should be able to get a LOT of spit going. Obviously, keeping hydrated and having water at the bedside is also key, but that should go without saying.
Side note: If you know you can’t deep throat without gagging uncontrollably and you’ve recently eaten or consumed alcohol or an energy drink, I would not advise trying to choke on that penis unless you both have a vomit fetish. I thought about making “DON’T VOMIT” it’s own point, but I think that’s sort of a given. If it does happen, not the end of the world, though probably a bit embarrassing. Any guy should be flattered you vomited from trying to get as much in as possible, though. That’s some dedication. And yes, I have. Twice. It’s not the coolest but you can totally recover from it.
Side note #2: Don’t worry about the weird noises kissing, gagging, and sucking make. Those sounds just add stimulation to the male’s mental state and boner. Slurp away.
2. NO EYE CONTACT
Eyes are so, so, important during oral. Smile with them confidently. I’m not saying you have to stare deep into his soul the entire time, but if you don’t look up at him once, he might think you’re ashamed or not having a good time. Let the excitement of servicing his glorious tool show in your eyes! This segues into my next point…
3. NO SENSE OF ENJOYMENT OR PRIDE
Come on, now. I know some of you aren’t huge fans of giving head (I can’t understand your perspective but I guess I can respect that everyone has different preferences) but at least try to look like you’re having a good time and not doing it out of obligation. I hope you ARE enjoying it, because I’d hate to hear anyone doing something they didn’t want to do just to impress a guy. In fact, never feel pressured to give a blow job, if you don’t want to and the guy whines about it, maybe you shouldn’t be blowing that whiney child in the first place.
It’s not exactly a huge turn on to suck a dick like it is the last thing you’d like to be doing at that moment. I’m heavily turned on by pleasing my partner, so GIVING is almost if not just as fun for me as receiving! I receive pleasure from doing everything in my power to see that he is having a great time while I’m on my knees. I think of it like I’m telling that penis a really fucking awesome secret. Try to only think about the cock in your mouth and how it makes you and your partner feel, what turns you on and enjoy being perverts together in that moment. Don’t be afraid to express your enjoyment verbally, but your mouth should be busier sucking than speaking!
4. TOO MUCH TEETH
I’ve met guys who didn’t mind and are actually into a little bit of LIGHT teeth grazing on the shaft or even light nibbles on the balls… but again, NOT FOR EVERYONE. Most guys I’ve talked to about this subject have expressed a general fear and distaste for tooth to dick contact. Be careful, open up that jaw! I think this problem happens most often if the giver is in a rush or can’t find a good rhythm. Take a short break, breather, or sip of water if you really have to, but try not to treat the dick like a toothbrush. You can and should treat it like lipstick though, sometimes it’s fun to just smother it all over the outside of your mouth before you swallow it like a creamsicle. I like to push it into the inside of my cheek (like you’re putting your finger in your mouth sideways… not rocket science) and pushing it against the cheek wall (NOT BACK TEETH) and popping it out of my mouth before adding more spit, giving just enough time with my mouth off of the cock to add to the anticipation of it’s return.
5. NOT ENOUGH HANDS/IMPROPER HAND USAGE
Very rarely do I give a handy that doesn’t turn into a blowie. I usually incorporate hand job moves and mouth moves together, using the hands as an extension to the mouth. Don’t be afraid to grab firmly at the base and use some pressure. Don’t forget the SPIT factor. Rotating the hand and changing pressure, speed, and length of stroke is always good too. Mix it up, and read the responses! If you can wrap two hands around the penis, stacked, and still get your mouth on the head — move up and down rhythmically while twisting the hands in opposite directions, clockwise and counter-clockwise. Don’t hold it like you’re afraid of touching it and don’t suck it like your mouth is trying to run away. Make sure the grip is firm but don’t rip it off, and keep the spit going whether or not your mouth is on the head! For a good pornoxample of hand usage and pretty much every point covered here, check out Bonnie Rotten’s good ideas during her POV blow job in Facial Overload #3 (Evil Angel Productions). She nails the eye contact as well, for certain.
The hands rule doesn’t just apply to the genital area, while licking the shaft or jerking the cock with one hand, you could be caressing their stomach, chest, hip area, and inner thighs as well, increasing the overall area of sensation. If the guy is standing while I’m kneeling, I like to grab their legs for a some face-fucking then gasp for air, slow it back down for a bit, bringing my hands back up to the base and stroking again. There’s nothing wrong with touching yourself simultaneously too, if you just cannot contain the enjoyment you’re receiving from giving pleasure!
6. DON’T FORGET THE BALLS
Again, all back to personal preference, and in some cases, pubic hair shaving preferences. If there’s a forest down there, I don’t blame you if you’re not in a rush to shove the sack in your mouth… a little bit of ball hair won’t kill ya, though. If they’re clean and the dude LIKES ball play and you don’t mind going squirrel status on those nuts, you’re both in for a good time. Maybe you’ll even progress to the taint or anus with your tongue if that’s something you’re both comfortable with. At the very least, touch the balls with your hands! I just covered it but for emphasis INCORPORATE YOUR HANDS, whether it’s a light tease or a firm grasp or tug, give them some attention! There are men who are very sensitive when it comes to their jizz holding manlyhood, so definitely communicate or pay attention to how they react. Proceed with caution. Don’t hurt their balls… unless they ask you to. Those guys exist, too.
7. NO INITIATING
Do you make the move on your own? Did you tell him you want to blow him? Did you unbutton his pants and rub it outside the underwear in anticipation? Does every blow job you give begin with a request for one? If you’re making out for like 45 minutes and he finally starts pushing your head down towards his crotch, you can probably reason he is passively asking for some licky-dicky. Don’t be scared to initiate! I don’t believe you should always have to, and I’m very appreciative of men who go down on me first, but it doesn’t have to go the same way every time! Sometimes you’re in the passenger seat on the way home from Vegas and you know you can help keep the driver alert and awake by offering a little lip service. Chances are, your good deeds will be rewarded. Initiating also shows confidence and lets the man know that you’re willing and comfortable with him.
8. DON’T RUSH IT
Don’t rush like you can’t wait for that to be “enough” for him. Don’t look over at the clock. Don’t think about the errands you have to run. Don’t ask him “Is that enough?” or “Is this good?” Be cognizant and move forward accordingly. Go with that blow flow and be present. Remember, foreplay is important! It’s like pre-heating an oven for a pizza. Everyone involved needs to get warmed up and the tease is hot! Unless it is a morning quickie beej before work, take your time and have fun with it before rushing into sex. Avoid deliberately sighing because you’re just over it and want him to hurry up and cum. He’ll sense your attitude and it definitely won’t help him get off any faster. Short breaks are even cool for people into kinky play – take it out and slap it on your tongue, touch elsewhere, work the balls (back to 5&6), a little tease & denial or hair pulling… whatever floats your boats and keeps the penis erect.
9. TOO REPETITIVE
If I come across a porn scene in which I see the girl bobbing up and down with a sad turtle mouth and no variation, I’m like, “NEXT!” Don’t be fucking BORING, for crying out loud. Like I said in #5, change up the hand use, or even put them behind your back for a minute and pretend you’re aggressively bobbing for apples. I like to challenge myself. How low can I get down on this thing? I don’t mind gagging or running short of oxygen at points, it just makes me wanna go harder. Move your lips. Makeout with it. Circle your tongue around the head. Lick from the base to the tip. Spit on it and grab it firmly and look him in the eye with dat hunger. Variation is good, but don’t jump and skip around too quickly – use moderation. For emphasis, PAY ATTENTION TO REACTIONS AND/OR COMMUNICATE. I know I’m listing all these pointers, but the biggest pointer is to NOT THINK ABOUT IT LIKE A TECHNICAL/MECHANICAL PROCESS, but rather a sensual experience. Don’t check off things in your head as you go, but if you know he has a favorite move, like the two hands or ball-sucking & licking, mix it in, go back to some strong sucking for a while, alternate again, move on. If you get bored in one position, change it. Ass up and on your knees if he’s laying down, kneeling if he’s standing, 69ing, laying down face-up when he’s standing if you can take a lot in your throat… there are so many options!
10. DON’T RUN AWAY WHEN HE’S GONNA BURST
This is a tricky one. If your partner/boyfriend/fuck buddy whatever is tested, and you want to swallow his juice, open that mouth up wide and look at him while he empties life source down your gullet. I KNOW NOT EVERYONE LIKES TO SWALLOW OR BE CAME ON. Cumed on. JIZZED UPON. Whatever. Not every guy can expect every girl to be down with that, either. Oh, and guys – informing us is nice. I like hearing when a guy is ready to cum, but sometimes I ask for it because I can tell he’s getting close because I know that facial expression all too well. Not everyone turns into a perky baby bird when that time *cums*… too much? Okay. Maybe you’re down for it to be on your face or tits but not in your mouth or not swallowed. That’s all fine and good! If you are strongly opposed to something, communication in advance isn’t the worst idea, yo. If a dude is about to blast on your face and you suddenly do a tuck and roll, you’re gonna fall off the bed, he’s gonna cum all over your pillow… you’re better off just taking it and asking for a clean towel or some baby wipes. Obviously I keep some sort of wiping material on the nightstand next to my hydration station.
BONUS: NOT GIVING HEAD AT ALL
Well, this seems like an obvious “Don’t” unless the guy simply does not deserve the pleasure at all. The other exception would be if you actually have TMJ. In that case, maybe just keep the penis away from your mouth and jerk him off with two hands and some coconut oil (the best lube in the whole world) or something.
Suck it up. SUCK IT. C’mon, just try it. You might be surprised. I’m about half-kidding with that peer pressure.
HAPPY SUCKING!
