I was tired of settling for just okay love. For settling with someone who was just there to do things with and go places with. I’ve been there too often and for a while, it left me feeling jaded towards the idea of love. I had plenty of friends who’d found happiness with people who were less than one. I think it’s our fear that kicks in, our fear of being alone. A fear of never having a person, it’s a pressure that society on everyone, forcing you to settle in order to avoid answering, “so how come you’re still single?”
Sure it’s as easy as ordering coffee to find a swipe right or engage in a will they/won’t they or even pine after someone who only gives you attention with a like here and a comment there.
Why is that considered enough? Why do we settle for love and attention that is just temporary or okay? I do it far too often where I flirt with temporary happiness simply because I want to feel something.
I was listening to a new track from Aly & AJ, ‘Good Love.’ It’s a dose of 80’s cinema wrapped around lyrics about waiting for the right kind of love. A reminder mixed in between synths and drums that it’s okay to be single and want to have a great love story. There’s absolutely zero things wrong with A) being single for an extended period of time and B) wanting the kind of love that feels all the feels.
I remember the feeling after a goodbye, the one where your initial instinct is to build walls high and believe that love isn’t for you. You grow weary of smiles and late night text messages, falling into the cycle of comparison. You wait for the warnings signs to leave before you get left. I look back and realize that isn’t how you should live in the waiting space.
As cliche as it is, you really do need to find yourself and love the you that exists on your own. You want to be able to bring a complement into a relationship not seek out completion in one. That’s what these temporary highs give us, a sense of belonging no matter how fleeting.
Lately, I feel like I would rather wait, not settle. Instead of trading ‘love you’s’ and time, press pause. Maybe it means you’re alone but not lonely a little longer. Hang on and hold for those moments that are cinematic, delicate, and feel like your heart is a baseline. Your heart will endure less bruising, you’ll have more of yourself to share and you’ll know that the wait made you stronger.
We should embrace our single season and then we can fully embrace our season of being in a relationship. Good love is out there, it’s just waiting for the third act to make its appearance.