There was a time when I thought I was the exception.
When I would pour my heart out and put my soul on the line only to be met with the vaguest of lukewarm responses. I would then convince myself that Mr. Lukewarm would wake up with an epiphany one day – it was only a matter of time – and ride in on his white horse apologizing and telling me how blind he’d been to the fact that everything he’d ever wanted was right in front of him all along. Surely he would realize how wonderful I was and want to be with me. Others had Mr.Lukewarms who were actually not that into them. But me? Never! And no, I don’t live in a fairy tale. I very much wish I did. But this kind of deranged thinking doesn’t happen in even the most clichéd of fairy tales.
And I wouldn’t just snap out of it. It would be a long, drawn out process, as I would vacillate between hope and devastation for days on end. Mr. Lukewarm would make sure to keep me on my toes, feeding me lines that could only be interpreted as saying something extra. Something committal, something loving, but vague enough to be able to exit, leaving it on me to misunderstand him.
The thing is, if you’re trying to convince someone that they should be with you, that they should commit to you, that they should love you, you’ve already lost. Hesitation is an answer. Indecisiveness is an answer. As much as we all want to be the exception, statistically, it’s just not possible. And it’s a dangerous thing to think you’re the exception. It closes you off to the possibility – no, the certainty – that there is someone out there who would never hesitate about you.
Love is so much more than a biochemical chain of events that takes place in your brain. After initial fleeting feelings, it’s a choice. It’s an active decision to choose a person – when they are at their best and at their worst – every single day.
Stop wishing to be the exception for someone who isn’t choosing you. The true giddy happiness that keeps you up at night will hit when the person you’ve chosen has chosen you right back – wholeheartedly, undoubtedly chosen you.