12 Men Give Their Advice On When The Right Time Is To Say, ‘I Love You’

The three little words that apparently have a huge meaning, I. Love. You. So how do you know when the right time is to say it? The men on r/Askreddit are giving us their answers.


1. There’s no ‘right’ time.

“I say it when I am in love with them. You just know. There’s no it happens after 3 months 5 days and 2 hours or anything, it just happens when it happens.”

2. You can’t not say it.

“When it hurts not to.”

3. It’s not sudden, it takes time.

“Only when I absolutely mean it. If I tell a woman I love her, I’m not fucking around. It wasn’t sudden, there was a long process of me spending time with her and caring for her more and more until I loved her. Once you know, however you figure it out, you just know.”

4. Don’t say it while arguing.

“Well… Learn from my mistake and don’t say it in the middle of a fight for the first time. Even if it is true. Seems like it is a good idea, you know kinda like a movie. Terrible idea. Was told “I ruined it” for the better part of a few months thereafter. Even though it was in a fight, I had been thinking it for a couple of days. I knew it was true, but I didn’t want to seem like I rushed it or anything. This was about two months into a relationship. Though I had feelings for the girl for a long time before we started dating.”

5. When you reach the point where you’d do anything to make them happy.

“When you think about them, care about them and you’d do most anything to make them happy (don’t like, you know, literally do things that make you unhappy, you know what I mean), you’ll know.

For me, she went on holidays and I was like oh sweet, gonna have a lot of fun with the guys. I moped around like a sick puppy and it didn’t click with me why, because I’m usually so happy. It only clicked when she got back and I just knew.

That being said, don’t rush shit. I dated a few girls over the summer half-seriously. Some said the L word very, very quickly. I can’t even. Don’t mistake lust for love.”

6. Say it when you know she’ll say it back.

“After she says it first. I’d like to say ‘I say it when I feel it because I’m so secure in myself’

Nah, I say it when I know it won’t backfire.”

7. When you want to say it every time you look at her.

“When it’s the first thing I want to say every time I look at her. That’s when I knew. With my current girlfriend it happened after a couple months, which is definitely the quickest I’ve ever said it. But a year later and we still couldn’t be happier.”

8. It’s not like the movies.

“I said it when I realised that a lot of what I did during the day were acts of love towards her. So it wasn’t so much reporting on how I was feeling inside as much as summing up what I was doing. Other times is has been in moments when she has made me happy, or I’ve just seen her reading a book and thought, “I love her”.

If you are waiting for that stomach-flopping, bells-ringing, can’t-stop-thinking-about-you kind of emotion. Movies and songs make you think that that feeling is love, but it is just very strong attraction/infatuation.”

9. It’s okay if they don’t say it back right away.

“I said it when I felt it. She didn’t say it for two or three weeks later.”

10. Say it when you feel it.

“When it happens it happens. As soon as I realise it, I’ll say it. That could be a month in, it could be 4 months in. Really depends. I’m terrible at explaining the underlying reasons for it though.”

11. It’s like a volcanic eruption.

“When it builds up inside you so much that the words erupt out of your mouth. Like a volcano.”

12. Don’t say it too often.

“Rarely. That’s some powerful shit. People say it all the time and diminish it’s power. When I say it, I mean it, and she knows it. She’d like to hear it more often, but I’ll hold some of that back. I think that makes me an ass, but that’s the way I feel.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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