8 Things You Don’t Realize She’s Doing Because She’s Terrified Of Getting Hurt Again

woman looking sad in polka dot dress
God & Man

1. She never talks about her past.

When it comes to who she was before she met you, you are completely in the dark. You literally know nothing about her past because she refuses to bring it up and changes the subject whenever you do ask. She does this because it was in the past where she learned that people leave, and she always has blamed herself for their departures. She doesn’t want to tell you her story because she’s afraid you’ll understand why they left (and that you’ll be the next to go too).

2. She’s difficult to pin down for plans.

This isn’t because she’s trying to play hard to get or anything like that. She doesn’t play games, she builds walls. She is terrified of getting close to you, so she tries to keep you at an arm’s length by making sure to not see you too often. She doesn’t want to cut you out completely because she really does like you a lot, but her fear of getting burned again keeps her from reaching out more.

3. She takes forever to reply to texts.

Not only is this because she’s afraid of appearing too interested too quickly, she’s also trying to figure out how to craft the perfect reply. She wants to seem engaged in what you are talking about but also wants to give you the chance to end the dialogue if you aren’t feeling it. When you ask her questions about herself, she’ll always give an incredibly concise reply and flip the conversation back to you. Her texts always seem distant but it’s not because she doesn’t want to talk to you; she just doesn’t want to come on too strong and push you away.

4. She always says things are “fine.”

She never seems to have a bad day. Work is productive, her friends are good… she’s just fine! But this isn’t necessarily the whole picture. Because when you’re terrified of getting hurt, you’re constantly on guard and that’s exhausting both emotionally and mentally. She doesn’t want to appear needy or weak, so she always says she’s okay even if she’s anything but.

5. Every time you try and get to know her at a deeper level, she turns the conversation back to you.

Because she’s bared her soul to others in the past only to watch them walk away, she doesn’t see the point in being vulnerable with someone who she is convinced is most likely temporary. She wants to open up, she really does, but the scars from lost love always remind her that she could get hurt again, so she dodges your questions with expert precision. Before you know it, the attention is back on you and you’re talking about yourself again before you even realize what she did.

6. She overthinks.

Though you haven’t caught her doing this often, she overthinks a lot. She is always second-guessing if you really mean what it is you say or she’s worrying that she something she has said came out the wrong way. She will then over-explain herself or ask a lot of questions regarding something you said to make sure she understands it perfectly. By analyzing things incessantly, she believes she’ll be able to find clues that you aren’t really into her and will then be able to leave you before you can leave her. She thinks she’s being self-protective in her analysis, but she’s only making the wounds of past hurt deeper.

7. She never asks for your help.

You may think it’s because she’s independent and this may be true. However, it is also because she is sure that you’re just going to let her down like others have in the past. She would rather handle anything on her own than be disappointed once again.

8. She tests you by pushing you away.

You may not realize it, but every time she acts difficult, every time she is distant, every time she seems disinterested, it’s because she’s actually testing you to see if you’ll fight for her. She wants if you’ll actually show you care, that you want her in your life, that you aren’t going anywhere, that you aren’t just looking for something physical. She wants to give you a chance, but love has never worked out in her favor. It’s only caused her pain, so now she is incredibly cautious with her heart. She wants to make sure you’re different before she lets you in her world. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Molly Burford

Writer. Editor. Hufflepuff. Dog person.

More From Thought Catalog