Aries (March 21st to April 19th)
Three well tequila shots
Because if there’s one thing we know about an Aries, it’s that you do not fuck around.
Taurus (April 20th to May 21st)
You tend not to stray from your comfort zone, and Miller Lite is a safe bet. It’s cheap, every bar has it, and you can get a good buzz off of it without feeling too full. Bottoms up!
Gemini (May 22nd to June 21st)
Geminis tend to be nervous, so you go for the big guns and order a Long Island to help you loosen up.
Cancer (June 22nd to July 22nd)
Because nothing sounds better to you than sitting on your couch with a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon with 17 episodes of Shameless.
Leo (July 23rd to August 22nd)
Because a Leo + tequila = guaranteed center of attention.
Virgo (August 23rd to September 22nd)
Five of whatever is on special
With everyone’s emotional bullshit you tend to deal with, Lord knows you need a few drinks.
Libra (September 23rd to October 22nd)
Whatever everyone else is drinking
Libras are the most harmonies of the Zodiac and so you want to make sure you’re on the same level as everyone else.
Scorpio (October 23rd to November 22nd)
Because nothing says assertive like drinking a drink that looks cool but actually tastes fucking terrible.
Sagittarius (November 23rd to December 21st)
Because it’s bitter and an acquired taste, much like yourself.
Capricorn (December 22nd to January 20th)
Capricorns appreciate tradition and nothing says classic like a good ‘ol vodka cranberry.
Aquarius (January 21st to February 18th)
A drink you made up yourself
Sure the bartender might be annoyed, but hey you’ll do anything to be original.
Pisces (February 19th to March 20th)
Gummy Bear shots
No explanation necessary.