I can honestly say I am a nice and genuine person. I’m a people pleaser, which is one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I didn’t realize my importance and self-worth until one day; I woke up and said to myself, “Some people just aren’t worth it anymore.” I’m sick and tired of getting up every day living my life for other people.
I helped people who didn’t deserve my help. I tolerated people who didn’t deserve my patience. I listened to people who didn’t deserve my attention. I shared what I had to people who didn’t deserve to receive anything from me. I put up with all of this shit just to keep my so-called-friends in my life a bit longer. I’ve always thought to myself, “Be the bigger person.” I’d always say it’s okay if they’re not nice to you, as long as you’re nice to them because that’s who you really are.
I have been used, neglected, and left behind many times before. I know some of us are blinded by our own problems and issues we don’t see that they only come to us when they need something from us, but I knew it. And I still played along to their silly games. I did it because at the time, I thought I needed them more than they needed me. I felt dependent on other people. I felt like they were responsible for my happiness. So I was afraid of losing the people who mattered. I was afraid to let go of the people who I thought I couldn’t live without.
I became an illusion. I became what everyone wanted to see from me. I tried to live up to every expectation they had for me. I tried to be perfect. I tried to be what they wanted. I tried so hard to be someone they needed. But every time I tried, I ended up feeling shittier about myself. It was wrong. Everything was wrong.
Suddenly I realized I really wasn’t happy. I asked myself, “Why am I the only one trying?” and “Why I am the only one who has to adjust to others?” and “Why can’t they do the same for me?” I realized if I expected everyone to have the same heart as mine, I would end up disappointed. I realized why I did all those things in the first place despite of me being miserable. I wanted to belong. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be wanted and needed. I wanted everyone to like me. I lived for other people.
It’s about time I thought about myself. I am capable of living my life without other people trying to drag me down. I am capable of making my own decisions despite what other think. I learned that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s about time I stood up for myself. I don’t have to depend on other people to decide on my happiness. I am capable of being happy just by being content with myself. I have the strength and courage to finally get what I want. I don’t mean to say that from now on, I’m a selfish person. What I’m saying is, you also have to think of yourself.
We all have a right to choose what’s best for us. For years I’ve been bottling up every bit of emotion I had in me. But the bottle’s got to pop someday. And finally, it did. It’s time I let go of all the negativity in my life. It’s time I let go of the people who bring me pain and sadness. It’s time I trust myself with my own happiness instead of depending it on others. It’s time I finally speak out. So fuck everyone who ever made me feel the way I did before. They’re not worth it.
Sometimes you’ve just got to know the people worth fighting for, living for, and dying for. I choose the people in my life. I’m free to choose what I want to do. It’s time I let go of the days I felt afraid, worthless, and unimportant. It’s time I finally live for myself because I know my life is worth living.