1. You knew all the juicy gossip, but you were never ever at the center of any rumors.
2. You literally did all the work for every group project you were ever a part of.
3. The only hint of “cool” you ever felt was when everyone raised their hands in class simultaneously because they wanted to be in your group so they wouldn’t have to do any real work.
4. You were a huge fan of “Can’t By Me Love,” “10 Things I Hate About You” and any other movies in which the dorky character triumphs against all odds.
5. You never cheated on a test, but you were definitely cheated off of constantly and you didn’t really mind (in fact, you kind of let it happen sometimes) because it’s not like any of the cheaters posed an academic threat.
6. You cared more about your GPA than you cared to admit.
7. Everyone’s parents fucking loved you.
8. Every member of the faculty loved you to an embarrassing extent, too.
9. Teachers sometimes called on you in class just to feel better about themselves professionally, as if your performance were somehow indicative of their general ability to impart knowledge.
10. You didn’t really experiment sexually until college—not because you didn’t want to, necessarily, but because you didn’t have the option to until you reached legal voting age.
11. You were dismissed as a prude due to your lack of sexual experience but you couldn’t really do anything about that.
12. You were never included in anyone’s hookup trees, or in anyone’s six degrees of (make out) separation from Kevin Bacon chains.
13. You sometimes observed people flirting from a safe distance as if you were Jane Goodall monitoring a pack of gorillas.
14. The people you crushed on never had any clue that you liked them, if they even knew you existed in the first place.
15. You either played an instrument, sang in the choir, or regularly participated in the production of school plays.
16. You didn’t have to beef up your college applications with any phony extracurriculars because your schedule was actually filled to the brim with enough activities and clubs to look legitimately robust.
17. If you won a superlative, it was something lame like “most likely to be President” or “most likely to be a sensible adult with a stable job, three well-groomed kids, and a picket fence.”
18. You were baffled by how mature (as in sexy beyond their age, not responsible) some of your classmates managed to look and/or behave.
19. You had the Friday and Saturday night TV line-ups memorized.
20. You were pretty much always available to babysit for the neighbors.
21. You secretly longed to be beautiful and popular and to attend parties where people got wasted and acted stupid, even though you made a point of belittling the whole notion of “popularity” out loud.
22. You made a mindful decision to become an awesomer, more social, sexually experienced version of yourself in college, where no one would know anything about your past.
23. Part of you always knew in your heart that your mom was right when she said that the cools kids would be working for you one day.