30 Dirty Little Poems That Will Make You Want Sex In Five Seconds Or Less

Each of the racy haikus below is designed to make you horny in exactly 17 syllables (following the traditional 5-7-5 format). These are not your typical, Kindergarten poems.

Shutterstock, Mayer George
Shutterstock, Mayer George

1. Your dick is a dream
Erect, it’s a fantasy
Can I blow you, please?

2. Cumming on her face
Isn’t really degrading
If she asks you to

3. Thanks for existing
You’re the woman of my dreams
Mount me already

4. Fucking’s essential
Because it feels so damn good
Oxygen, less so

5. Put your mouth on it
Suck with everything you’ve got
Then wait your turn, girl

6. “Is it in yet, dear?”
Is quite a silly question
You won’t need to ask

7. Hot as fuck, you think
She’s sexual dynamite
Your goal: insertion

8. Take her from behind
Not like a dog, but a god
That needs a pounding

9. I want your body
Like right now, not tomorrow
Massively horny

10. Sex now, you and me
It’s not that I’m that easy
Creaming my panties

11. One whiff of your scent
And I’m face-deep in your crotch
Until you climax

12. Sex with a stranger
Sometimes, it’s the way to go
No names, just pleasure

13. Touch yourself for me
Then I’ll ride you like a horse
I make you happy.

14. Getting wet, I see
Your pussy—my tongue, my dick
Ready for seconds?

15. Testicles need love
So give him a ball massage
Then call him your slave

16. Undress already
I like you better naked
Jiggling your boobies

17. Touch me all over
Then plunge it deep inside me
Like that! Yes! Yes! Yes!

18. Worship my body
And don’t overlook an inch
Bow down and submit

19. Fantasize with me
Strip me naked, handcuff me
Tell me I’m a whore

20. Nipples are the key
Pinch them, suck them, twiddle them
She’s not your mommy

21. More dirty words, please
Say them, whisper them, listen
Let yourself go, and…

22. Every single night
I dream of you, masturbate
Solo sex routine

23. Don’t call me twisted
You make me want it so bad
So I beg, and beg.

24. Vagina, penis
Connected, literally
Now make me coffee

25. Find her clitoris
Dive right in and start licking
Don’t stop til she screams

26. You are folding clothes
You look calm. Then, in a flash:
You are getting fucked

27. She wants it, of course
She’s a naughty forest nymph
Fuck her good daily

28. Let’s experiment
Down the rabbit hole, just us

29. I see, taste, smell you
“Give it to me now,” I say
No rules, no regrets

30. When you fuck me right
The world gets brighter, better
Cum again some time. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. Click here to learn more!

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