1. You have outrageous expectations.
“Some clients get really specific about what they want. They’ll point to one square inch of flesh beneath their right armpit, or a dime-sized wad on their waste line and say, ‘I need to lose weight right here.’ I’m good, but I’m not God. C’mon.”
2. You’re accidentally flashing us.
“We don’t care if you’re a guy who likes to go commando, or you’re a woman who likes to leave the panties behind when she hits the clubs at night. It’s really not sexy to train someone who isn’t wearing underwear, male or female. So put something on down there. While you’re at it, check for holes and rips in your leggings or spandex in the critical areas. Oh, and double up on the sports bra if you need too.”
3. You’re buying into fitness mumbo jumbo.
“There is so much bad information out there about diet and exercise. Certain brands and celebrity fitness ‘experts’ are eager to take advantage of people’s desire for the easy way out, I guess. So they advertise expensive weight loss supplements and they design 7-minute workouts. Guess what? Those miracle pills you’re buying are probably filled with crushed houseplants. And a 7-minute workout is only effective if you do it ten times in a row.”
4. You smell.
“The job requires getting close to clients, whether you’re maneuvering a person’s body into the correct position, or stretching them out. Please wear deodorant as a courtesy. But tone it down with the perfume and cologne. It’s not fun to be choked by any odor, good or bad.”
5. You’re asking about liposuction.
“If you’re considering liposuction, research the options on your own time. I am the absolute last person you should ask about lipo. I’m the guy you hire if you’re willing to do the work to get fit and look toned. If you’re looking for a shortcut, count me out.”
6. You’re over-sharing.
“Yes, your trainer is your gym BFF, and a little gossip between personal trainer and client is expected. But don’t use me as a sounding board for your innermost secrets. I don’t really need to know which of your superiors you want to choke at work, or why you’re sleeping with someone behind your significant other’s back. That’s what your psychiatrist and real life best friends are for.”
7. You’re lying about your eating habits.
“It’s easy for a personal trainer to tell if a client is lying about what they’re eating. If the nutrition plan we’ve outlined together is too strict and you’re not able to follow it, it’s better for us to know. We understand it’s tough to eat healthy. So tell us what foods you absolutely have to have, and we’ll find a way to include them without compromising your goals.”
8. You’re farting without warning.
“If you fart, we can smell it. Ask us to go to the bathroom, or at least warn us so we can step away for a moment. With enough of a heads up we can even relocate on the mat so we don’t get stared down by our neighbors.”
9. You’re whining nonstop.
“No one likes a constant complainer. Vent if you have to, but balance it out. Try to share some of the good things going on in your life, too. Training is about life enhancement and a little positive thinking can go a long way.”
10. You’re not focusing.
“Getting results requires focusing throughout a workout. A little idle chatter is natural, but during our time together we should both be more concerned about your physical health and wellness than whatever TV series we both just binge watched on Netflix. I recommend that clients ask as many questions about nutrition and fitness as possible when there’s a minute to spare so we can have a productive chat that helps them achieve and/or maintain their goals instead of veering off topic.”
11. You’re skipping sessions—and then complaining about lack of results.
“If you’ve missed our last three sessions and you walk into the gym chomping on a blueberry muffin, you have no right to ask me why you’re not seeing results. Be smart, and show up. Training is about commitment and consistency.”
12. You’re using lame excuses.
“Cramps aren’t an excuse not to work out. I have three sisters, so I get it. Exercise is actually a great way to relieve menstrual cramps. Through physical exertion, the body releases beta-endorphins that act as internal opioids. So get your ass to the gym, even if it’s your time of the month.”
13. You’re making unreasonable comparisons.
“It drives me crazy when a client says something like: ‘My friend eats terribly and she looks great, why am I fat?’ I would hope that by the time you reach adulthood, you’re somewhat aware that genetics matter. Metabolisms vary and everyone responds a little differently to various training methods and nutrition regiments. Comparing yourself to your bestie is a waste of time, even if you have similar body types.”
14. You’re assuming you’ll bulk up too much.
“I want to laugh out loud whenever a woman lifting three to five pound weights reminds me that she doesn’t want to look like a body builder. I promise you won’t bulk up from minimal resistance, and that even slight toning requires weightlifting.”
This article was compiled with the help of Joey Rehavi, Corefit101.