1. “You’re so cute when you get angry”
I had people tell me that a few times, including lovers and family members. Always men, for some reason. I am a very tiny woman that looks 10 years younger than my actual age and this always gets to me. I only very rarely get really angry, and when I do it’s because something feels deeply, fundamentally wrong.
I’m not cute, I’m angry. I’m devastated and you’re not listening, nor taking my feelings, nor the unacceptable situation, nor logic into account.
Whenever someone tells me that, I could cry for the injustice of it all. None of those who said it understood why I hated it. Now I usually fake being unaffected and reply something like, “Ok, we’ll talk later when your brain works again,” and leave. But I can never really forgive them for it.
2. I get cut off a lot. So I’ve pretty much stopped talking to everybody. What’s the point of wasting my breath, right?
3. When I got flashed by a creep on a late night deserted commute, and my male friend couldn’t understand why it was fucked up, since he wouldn’t mind being flashed by a woman.
4. “Are you on your period?” when I’m angry and then not listening to a word I’m saying.
5. I am very handy and love DIY, my husband couldn’t care less about home improvement projects, landscaping, etc. So, most of the tools and equipment we own were purchased and are used by me. I hate it when men will assume I don’t know how to use “my husband’s tools” or that he should be the one fixing things. Like my tiny woman brain can’t handle power tools or basic plumbing.
6. I hate when random men tell me I should smile.
7. Many of my male friends or acquaintances (and even my dad) like to talk to my husband about how his job is going, but rarely ask me about mine. I make nearly the same pay check and have a fairly interesting job that I’ve worked hard to get, but I think they think I’d rather talk about my social life, family, or hobbies before anything else. It’s sad to not be questioned about something I spend all day doing.
8. I’m a female electrician who works mostly oilfield. I get a lot of “sweetheart” or “honey” when I’m running a job. You would never address a dude journeyman like that, so dumb.
9. When men feel like they have to “test” women when they mention that they have interests that are typically considered masculine. I’m a huge (American) football fan and have been playing for almost a decade now but sometimes when I tell men about it, they’re all like:”Oh really? Name all of the [insert team name here]’s previous coaches” or something like that.
10. It takes a lot to get me angry but anytime a guy tries to push me into doing something it rubs me the wrong way. It could be something super innocent but if I say no and he keeps trying to pressure me into doing it, it shows that he has no respect for me or what I want, and only cares about getting what he wants. Unfortunately a lot of guys do it, it’s like a game to them to see how far they can get.
11. When men don’t believe the huge anecdotal evidence that every women/girl I know has about sexual assault. I’ve told male friends about the (many) times I have been assaulted in a club/crowd and they tell me it can’t be true!! Sorry, do you think I mistook having my vulva grabbed for something else?!
12. “I don’t care what you do for a living. Do you have a good personality and are you hot? Can you minimally support yourself? Don’t worry about your career.”
Except… I care about my career. I’m proud of my work, and it’s an important part of who I am. When my husband and I meet people, strangers will ask him what he does for a living and ask me what my hobbies are or if we have kids. I’ve seen some men treat a woman’s job as an optional accessory or a throw-away personality quirk. It bugs me, because the same men will often accuse women of being gold diggers who are only after their wallet. My job isn’t something to just pass the time or a make a few extra bucks to contribute to the vacation fund, and devaluing what I do over my looks or reproductive options is irritating.
13. Sometimes when I say that I don’t like to cook or that I hate little kids and don’t want children some guys don’t care but some guys ask, “I thought you were a woman!” That really hurts and it is extremely disrespectful.
14. Talking about female topics (periods, pregnancy, birth) with tons of disgust in their voice.
15. If a woman is alone when making major purchases like cars or homes they’ll get some version of the “is your husband around to talk too?” Just very dismissive of a woman’s ability to make decisions on her own.
16. Automatically assuming that you’re worse/weaker than them at something, just because you’re a girl. Then proceed to act surprised or just not acknowledge if you beat them.
17. Fetishizing bisexuality. It’s not a man-only thing but in my experience if I say I’m bi most men will joke about it immediately or ask if I’m into threesomes.
18. When you say something and it IMMEDIATELY has to be fact checked via Google even over trivial shit.
19. The worst is when they say you “can’t take a joke” when you get mad/upset about a joke about you or women in general. I do have a sense of humor but when every “joke” you make is at my expense in some way it isn’t funny, it’s irritating and exhausting. Like somehow you constantly insulting me and my entire gender is MY problem because you laughed when you said it so I just “can’t take a joke”? Get outta here with that shit.
20. Just how focused on physical traits some men seem to be. Obviously I’m including picking women apart weighing them up based on how appealing they are to men’s personal tastes, but I also hate to be consistently complimented on nothing but how “hot” they find me.
It’s generally flattering to be told you’re attractive, sure, and a reminder here and there from your partner that they find you sexy is key, but of there’s a guy you’re getting to know or whatever, and ALL they ever compliment you on is your body, it starts to feel insulting. I have a mind and a personality too, you know, and it feels like all you care about is how I look.
21. That I am expected to know how to do laundry, keep the flat tidy, and cook because I’m “better at it.” Why am I better at it? Like even when they know how to do these things themselves they always assume that I want to do it because I like a tidy apartment? And then when asked to do it themselves being hit with the good old, “Yes but I’m a guy, I’m not as good at this sort of stuff as you.” In 2020. Shoot me now.
22. When they say to calm down when you’re upset. It brushes over how you feel. It’s often used to shut you up when they do not want to hear you.
23. “You’re not like other girls.” Men typically mean that as a compliment but I don’t really see insulting my entire gender as very nice.
24. Assuming I have or want kids. I mean, just assuming. Knowing absolutely nothing about me and just assuming.
25. Constantly voicing their thoughts on women’s looks. Positive and negative. I don’t know why men do this. I don’t think they realize it. I don’t need to hear every time you think a woman is ugly or attractive or funny looking. It’s hyper analytical. I don’t think men would be fond of it if women decided to join in on this.
26. Saying “good girl.” Very patronizing. I have two degrees mate, don’t need you to congratulate me/seem shocked when I do something that someone with like 2 IQ points could do.
27. My least favorite is when men won’t just let me be upset about something they said. They have to gaslight me until I agree with them that they didn’t do anything wrong. I just want to be allowed to have hurt feelings or feel unsafe when that’s organically my response to the situation.
28. So I’m studying something that could be classified as very feminine. And my boyfriend is studying something that would be classified as male dominated and sometimes when we’re arguing about how we need to clean and we just don’t have the time he says that what he’s doing is much more difficult than what I’m doing. That’s really hurtful.
29. If a man gets it wrong it’s because the task is complex. If a woman gets it wrong it’s because she’s a woman.
30. I’m a huge fan of astronomy and one time this guy overheard me saying it, and said, “Really? What’s the planet with the most moons?” At the time, Jupiter had the most moons and I said it was Jupiter. He claimed that I was wrong and wanted me to google it so we could be sure. Of course I was right, and he said, “You’re a little show off, aren’t you?” and left. I just didn’t understand why he had to question my statement. Still don’t.