10 Guys Reveal Why They Really Dumped Their Ex (And What They Actually Told Them)

1. The sexual girl who hated oral.

“For about two years, I dated this girl who was really sexual. By the end we were living together, and she reliably wanted it at least once a day. The problem was that she had no interest in oral sex—giving, or receiving it. Weird, right? It was like having a Hostess cupcake with a hollow center instead of a creamy inside for a girlfriend. I kept telling myself I’d be fine with it, but eventually I started cheating on her to get head. A guy needs oral on the menu.”

What he told her…

“I said I’d started having feelings for a colleague. She was already suspicious that something was going on between me and this other girl, so it worked. I hadn’t even tried to hook-up with my work crush, but I might as well now.”

— Duncan, 24

2. The canine hater.

“After a year and a half together, the girl I was dating confessed that she secretly hates dogs. I mean, how do you stay with a person who doesn’t love dogs? I was raised with two golden retrievers. When I brought her to my parents’ house for Thanksgiving, she knelt down and played with those pups and let her slobber all over her like she was psyched about it—but it was all a show. Fucking liar. That was it for me.”

What he told her…

“At my age, all you have to do is mention that you’re not really into the marriage thing and they go running pretty quickly. It’s kind of nice, in a way. Especially if you find yourself with a canine hater.”

— Jake, 34

3. The personality flip-flopper.

“My last serious girlfriend was all sunshine and smiles until we hit the six-month mark. It was like someone snapped and she just changed personalities. Nothing major happened in either of our lives to provoke the switch, but suddenly she was the fucking mayor of Debbie Downerville. At one point, I told her she’d make a great critic, hoping she’d be quasi-offended and maybe take the hint, but she took it as a compliment.”

What he told her…

“I told her I’d cheated on her with my high school girlfriend when I went home for Christmas. I needed a clean break, so I figured I’d give her a reason to hate me.”

— Lorenzo, 20

4. The siren who didn’t measure up to her looks in bed.

“It was simple: My girlfriend sucked at sex. She dressed all hot and sexy and she was a gifted flirt, but she was a dead fish in the sack. Believe me, I tried everything to get her excited about different stuff. She was so hot, it seemed like such a pity that she’d be a dud in bed. The Man Upstairs has a funny sense of humor, I guess.”

What he told her…

“I told her that she was out of my league and that she should find someone as good-looking and well-rounded as she is.”

— Nathan, 27

5. The smarty pants.

“Truthfully, I couldn’t stand that she was smarter than me. We met in a study group for chemistry one of our mutual friends set up. Since chemistry’s her weakness and it’s my strength, in the beginning it was always her asking me for help. What can I say? I liked that. Soon enough, though, it was clear that literally every other subject was her strength, and things shifted. I want to be the kind of guy who can date a girl who’s smarter than me, but I’m not. My ego couldn’t take it.”

What he told her…

“I told her I was planning to go abroad next year, and that I didn’t want to get any closer to her before we were forced apart.”

— Frankie, 19

6. The girl with an unfortunate sexual history.

“When I found out that my sister and my girlfriend had slept with at least five of the same guys, I had to end it. I mean, I’m a pretty liberal guy, but the idea that I was essentially sleeping with my sister started to haunt me constantly. I couldn’t even get it up anymore.”

What he told her…

“I told her I wanted to be non-monogamous. That did the trick.”

— Pete, 26

7. The girl who was too good.

“Once I was with this girl who worked at a non-profit and volunteered in her free time at least once a week. She was on a first-name basis with every homeless person in the area. And whenever there was some kind of a disaster—an earthquake, a tsunami, a hurricane, or a fire or whatever—she’d be visibly shaken for days, because she was actually that worried about all those other people. She had a giant heart—and, if we’re being honest, magnificent tits—but she was just too damn good. Eventually, being with her made me feel like shit.”

What he told her…

“It felt criminal lying to such a sweet person, but I told her I felt like she didn’t care enough about me—as if she needed one more thing to worry about. I’m probably going to hell for it.”

— Warren, 30

8. The perfect girl with imperfect teeth.

“This is going to make me sound like a total asshole. But it was her teeth. She had these tiny little teeth and I couldn’t stand looking at them across the dinner table. Otherwise, she was perfect looking, and I thought her hot body and beautiful face would distract me from those itsy bitsy chompers, but no. I had to get out before I got in any deeper, so after three months, I called it quits.”

What he told her…

“I told her I didn’t want children, knowing that being a mom was the most important thing to her.”

— Marty, 28

9. The one who knocked anal before she tried it.

“Truth is, I’ll never be able to settle down with a chick who isn’t into anal. I like anal play and that’s that. I usually broach the subject around month two or three. My last girlfriend squirmed at the idea and said that she would never try it. It was over for me right then and there.”

What he told her…

“About ten days later (just enough time to distance myself from the anal incident) I told her I’d be working 60-plus hours a week for the next six months, and I didn’t want to be unfair to her. I’m a corporate lawyer, so she bought it.”

— Jared, 36

10. The one who disappointed Mom.

“The real reason I broke things off with my girlfriend of eight months is that my mom couldn’t stand her. I must have missed something because my mom’s a solid judge of character. I figured I should cut my losses before I saw whatever my mom saw.”

What he told her…

“The truth obviously wasn’t an option, so I said I was moving from New York City to San Francisco. Hopefully she’ll be over me by the time we bump into each other here in town.”

— Randy, 33 Thought Catalog Logo Mark

thumbnail image – Kurt Bauschardt

About the author

Mélanie Berliet

I adore the following, in no particular order: knee-high tube socks, acrostic poetry, and my little brother. Click here to learn more!

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