Imagine adding up all the days you’ve spent worrying about details that might dramatically change your dating world. Think chipped nail polish that seems likely to destroy an entire outfit, or a tiny zit on your bum that resembles Mt Everest in the magnifying mirror.
Now, imagine dating without having to crumple with anxiety, every time you spot another split end? Welcome to the planet of men, where the inhabitants don’t even notice the things you often spend hours agonizing over.
The details of your beauty routine
Whether you have your nails done once a month, go in for a hair treatment every Friday or never wear open shoes unless you’ve had a pedicure, your man isn’t likely to notice. Sure, being groomed is a good thing and the overall ‘look’ is certainly appreciated, but, the details that go on behind the scenes don’t really register.
You know why? He simply doesn’t care about the season’s latest red shade for nail polish, or the trend for eyebrow threading, because he probably doesn’t paint his nails or wax his brows. This sounds obvious, but, if it is, why do women still obsess about what men think of small cosmetic choices?
You see, it’s one thing to want to dress up to look your best for a hot date, whereby your man will have trouble dragging his eyes from you, to order the next drink. It’s quite another to feel as if you have to pop to the bathroom every five minutes to check for a stray hair.
While you’re bemoaning the lack of volume in your ‘do’ – to the girls in the loo – you’re not enjoying your date. Worse still, if he did notice the stray hair, he might have thought it looked sexy and tried to fix it for you. The moral of the story is, if you love your beauty routine and all it entails, dive right in. But do it for your own benefit and don’t expect him to know the difference between a rose and fire red lipstick.
Having the perfect dress
Along with the right shade of lipstick, have you ever spent the better part of a day, worrying about whether you should choose the blue halter or the black boob tube dress, for your date? You take one off, put the other one on, throw it on the ground and start again. Each time you scan yourself in the mirror, you find another flaw and the process starts again. Eventually, you end up in the first one you tried – that’s if you’ve still got the energy to go out.
To him, both dresses look fantastic. Both highlight your great body and gorgeous eyes. Unless you’ve rocked up to a date in a potato sack, chances are the actual dress will barely even make an impression, beyond the first glimpse. Therefore, there is no ‘perfect outfit’. Dress to make yourself feel great and forget about worrying what he, or anyone else, will think.
If you feel confident and beautiful within yourself, that’s exactly what he’ll see, regardless.
Your new shoes (or any shoes)
Dresses don’t even come close, to the adoration many women have for shoes. That’s perfectly fine and by all means, everyone’s entitled to their own hobbies. Just don’t expect men to notice them much…if at all. Your shoes, quite simply, just aren’t the most visually spectacular thing about you – or anything close to it.
So, if you’ve bought a new pair, there’s no point in getting mad if he doesn’t notice or isn’t interested in the brand. In fact, imagine if you did go out on a date and the first thing he said was, “Oh, I love your shoes, are they Louboutin?” Chances are, the nature of the relationship is going to be a little different than you first presumed, unless he sells shoes for a living.
Shoe conversations, generally, belong firmly in the realm of female friendships. Keep them there, where they’ll be nurtured, encouraged and celebrated, rather than worry about what he’ll think of them – or that he didn’t think of them at all.
That you’re not wearing makeup
If you’re used to wearing a full face of makeup all the time, your ‘nude’ face might look like the odd one. Worse still, it can appear as if it’s the uglier version, without the colour, highlights and tricks used in magazines and on TV, that society has become accustomed to emulating.
When you really think about this, it’s pretty ridiculous to hold yourself to standards created for entertainment, rather than everyday living. When you have a full face of makeup on, it obviously doesn’t look like you were born that way (aka, waking up in the morning before he does, to redo your face). Nor does it necessarily look any better, than the fresh, natural you beneath.
Plus, when a man looks at your face without makeup, he’s generally thinking the same thing as when you do have makeup on. That you look pretty, that your eyes are bright, that he wants to kiss your lovely lips – which taste a whole lot better without lipstick.
Makeup definitely has its place in the game of seduction and it’s a fantastic tool for self-expression. However, keep it all in good fun, rather than use it as a mask to hide your natural beauty. You might just be surprised how many people don’t notice, when you’re out and about with no makeup.
Whether it’s from non-stop ‘girl talk’ or the need to lock things down quickly, women tend to worry about labelling relationships, even in the early stages of dating. It doesn’t help with well-meaning friends asking things like “so, do you think he’s the one?” Especially when you’ve only been seeing a guy for two weeks.
Naturally, over time the question of where your relationship is going becomes relevant. However, in the beginning, neither of you really know where it’s headed, no matter how much lust is involved. By feeling that urgent need to define your ‘coupledom’, too quickly, you also risk pushing a new partner away.
If a guy really likes you, you’ll know about it, because he’ll be making an effort to see you. Chances are though, he won’t be concerned with labels yet, nor are his friends likely to ask, because that kind of gossip doesn’t often happen over a footy game. Therefore, in the early stages, forget about the idea of ‘what’ the two of you are, in favour of the how, when and why of the time you spend together.
Your naked body flaws
If you stare at yourself naked for long enough, it’s inevitable that every bump, freckle and stretch mark will stand out like the proverbial sore thumb. Guys have body issues too, but women can take perceived flaws to another level of obsession – totally unnecessarily.
First of all, and most importantly, if you’re naked with a guy, he’s just insanely happy that you’re naked. He’s not looking to see if your arm looks skinny in a certain position or if your stomach creases when you lean forward – and he’s certainly not thinking that cute birthmark on your butt is the ugliest thing on the planet.
He’s immersed in your scent, in the feel of your skin and the incredible design of the female form. That’s far too distracting, and astounding, for him to notice any so-called flaws you’ve spent days, or years, agonising over.
At the end of the day, the man (or men) for you, won’t be attracted to you because of your nail polish, shoes or skilful use of eyeliner. Nor will he think you’re going to – let alone want you to – look like Barbie in the buff.
He wants to experience the real life woman that you are. That, in itself, is an amazing thing. When you recognise that, you can push the worry aside and truly change your dating world, for the better.