Maybe This Is Why She’s Scared To Love You

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It’s not that she’s guarded, but she’s been down this road before. She’s had these feelings bubbling in her chest a time or two before you. She’s found herself laughing at silly, little jokes. She’s stared at her phone, waiting for that text. She’s wished for someone’s arms around her, or for that warm body to lay her head on.

Love has a funny way of creeping up on you when you least expect it.

She was going about her simple existence; she was just minding her own business when you came along. And suddenly her emotions, her decisions aren’t just hers anymore. Suddenly she’s all wrapped up in you, and maybe she’s not quite ready for that.

Maybe she’s scared to love you because this is all happening so fast.

One minute she was her own. She was Saturdays in her pajamas and country music on full blast in the shower. She was tacos for one person, and nights sprawled across the bed watching reruns of old favorite shows. She was selfish, and happy.

And now there’s you, and maybe that’s wonderful, but maybe you happened too quick, and she’s still trying to catch up.

Maybe she’s scared to love you because she’s not ready to let someone in.

We all carry our baggage with us, don’t we? As hard as we try to let go of the past, we still harbor those feelings in our chest—how it felt to be heartbroken, to be cheated on, to be betrayed. We try to let go, but that pain’s still there, still aching just a little. Like a bruise, where if you find the right spot, will still hurt, even if it’s no longer fresh.

Maybe her hesitation isn’t really about you at all, but about her past, about her pain, about how falling for you feels all too familiar. Feels like the last time she lost her sense of self and ended up empty.

Maybe she’s scared to love you because love feels like letting go.

Letting go of her insecurities. Letting go of the walls she’s built around her heart. Letting go of all the ways she’s been single and independent, and making room in her heart for someone else. Maybe the timing is off, or maybe this is a big decision she feels she needs to question one too many times before deciding.

Maybe love feels like a choice, rather than something she just falls into. And maybe she just wants to make sure that you’re the right one for her.

Maybe she’s resisting with all her strength and that resistance just messing everything up. Maybe you represent all that she wants, all that she needs. Maybe you’re standing there in all your imperfection and she knows, beyond a doubt, that she could fall in love with you—and that’s what’s holding her back.

Maybe for the first time in so long, she’s confronted by a man who wants to change everything she’s focused on, everything she built around her single self. Maybe she’s giving herself time to feel if this is right, if you are right, even if she already knows in her heart that you are. Maybe, suddenly, this choice to move forward isn’t just her choice, but she’s holding out, pretending that she’s the one in full control.

Maybe she knows that she should love you, but she’s just making excuses.

Maybe she’s scared to love you for a hundred little reasons. Maybe they don’t make sense. Or maybe they do, they’re all part of learning to shift your life for another person, learning that love isn’t the same with everyone you meet, learning that people are not always going to treat you like the people of your past, learning that trusting someone else is okay, healthy even.

Maybe falling in love takes time. Maybe she shouldn’t be rushed. Maybe you’re a good person, but she’s hesitant because she’s being careful with her heart this time. Maybe she’s letting you in slowly, and slow is good.

Maybe this is just the right pace.
And you both need to take a deep breath and let love happen. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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