I haven’t found him, you know, ‘the one.’ I know you know this, God. I know you see my heart and how it longs to beat in rhythm with someone else’s. I know you can read the inner desires of my mind. I know you’re fully aware how much I want to love someone else, to be filled with happiness at the embrace of another.
I keep hoping it’ll happen, but I know these sorts of things don’t happen in my timeline, but yours. I keep praying, and I know my prayers aren’t falling on deaf ears and the timing just isn’t right, but I wish it was.
I wish I knew when, or where, or who.
I wish I could have the answers so I didn’t have to feel so empty. And I wish there was some sort of warning sign that came along with my past relationships, to tell me that they would be big and beautiful, but that they would fade. That those men I loved would become men I lost. That none of them would become my ‘forever person.’ That I must be careful with my heart, because it’s not indestructible.
I wish, most of all, that I could be certain I’ll find love, and I won’t have to fear.
But that’s the whole point of faith, isn’t it? To trust in the unknown. To move forward, sometimes even blindly, in the direction you’re leading me. To lean into you and know that you have plans for me, ones that are bigger than any past relationship or broken heart.
So today I’m trusting in you, God.
I’m going to let go of my fears and my past; I’m going to stop trying to plan and let your will be done in my life and heart. I’m going to stop wishing and selfishly praying, and trust that you’ll bring me my ‘forever guy’ when the time is right.
I’m going to let go of my heart’s deepest fears and become vulnerable and free again. I’m going to let your love in, and make room in my heart for someone else. You know, for when you decide to bring us together.
I’m going to trust you to lead me to him.
I’m going to try to live by my faith, to smile, to be honest and true and the best woman I can be, so that when you’re ready for us to meet, I’m already whole. So that I’m already honoring you with my life. So that when me and my future man come together, all the pieces fit just right and it all makes sense.
And then I’ll find what I’ve been searching for all long.
Because I let go of my own desires and let you guide me.
So I’m trusting you. Today, tomorrow, and forever.
I know that you won’t forsake me, won’t leave me by myself, won’t abandon me. I know that you’ll lead me to the right person, or to the life I’m meant to live, even if that’s a life I didn’t imagine.
I know that whatever happens from this day forward is because of your will. And instead of fighting it, I’m trusting it.
Because I know you love me, and you are my God.