I’m Not Afraid To Be The Girl Who Loves More

Emmanuel Rosario
Emmanuel Rosario

If I fall in love with you, I promise to always be the last goodnight kiss, the last text in our conversation, the last voice lingering on the telephone, making sure you hang up first.

I promise to always give you my last slice, last bite, last taste of whatever I’m eating, even if it’s the best thing I’ve ever had. Because I love you and want to share everything of mine with you, even the little things.

If I fall in love with you, I promise to always think of you in my decisions, to include you in my happiest and most difficult moments, and to always be honest with you, even if we’re both stubborn and angry.

I promise to always love you in both the smallest, and the biggest ways.

And most of all, I promise to love you more.
Because I know I will.

I will treat you like a king and stand by you in all your proudest and humblest moments. I will boast of you accomplishments and raise you up when you’re feeling low. I’ll kiss your forehead when you’re afraid to be vulnerable and I’ll kiss your lips when you lean into my love.

I’ll trace the freckles on your cheeks and the lines of the tattoos on your arms. I will memorize every part of you, even the pieces you try to hide, and I will love them anyway.

I will grow you, and grow with you. I will teach you things you don’t yet understand, and try my hardest to learn what I can from you. I will listen to you when you speak and put energy into us. Always.

I will love you in every way I can, and then some.

I have always loved loudly, loved fully, loved fiercely and unapologetically.

And I am not be afraid to be this way with you.

I believe the strongest of relationships are the ones where you don’t think, the ones that you just fall into, give into, and say, ‘I’m going all in.’

I believe in the imbalance of love, that it’s a give and take, and give and give, and take and give, and a mix of everything in-between. And I don’t care if at times I love a little too much, a little too strong, and little more.

Because there’s no rules to this thing. And I love loving you.

I’m not afraid to love you more because love is too beautiful to set rules and boundaries, to put restrictions on when and where and how much.

I’m not afraid to love you more because there’s no definition that can capture what it means to hold someone else’s heart in your hands, to feel their body under your fingertips, pulsing and terrifying and amazing and alive. There’s no words for the way two people’s eyes see into each other’s souls, for how they can suddenly mesh their lives and their happiness into one another so fully, so fearlessly, so openly, so incredibly.

I’m not afraid to love you more because that’s who I am. And because that’s love—willing, unapologetic, unafraid.

So I will.

I will love you with all that I am and all that I have.

I won’t be timid, won’t overthink, won’t stand on the edge and hold myself back. Because even if I end up at a loss, I gave my everything to something I wanted, someone I wanted. And that’s still beautiful. Even if I gave it all for nothing, I learned. I did what I could. And I know I am enough.

No matter what, I’m not afraid of being the girl who loves more.

Because she’s courageous, she’s honest, she’s vulnerable. She’s not afraid to be herself. And she follows her heart. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

Keep up with Marisa on Instagram, Twitter, Amazon and marisadonnelly.com

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