To The Men, Please Don’t Settle Either


I am not a man. I do not claim to understand the way they think, the inner workings of their mind, the way they laugh, or what makes them smile, or how and when they fall in love.

I am a woman. And all I know is that their species is fascinating, worth chasing, worth falling head over heels for—if I find the right one. If I listen to my heart, if I choose carefully, if I don’t settle and wait for the one who makes my life, our relationship magical.

But I’d be naïve to say that women are perfect. I’d be foolish to believe that it’s only women who shouldn’t settle, only women who should be careful. (And I’m not saying this, by the way).

So this time I’ll speak to the men, in every stage of brokenness, bitterness, or fear of love. In every relationship or absence of one, in every negative thought towards women, or every doubt about ever finding the one. This is for you.

Don’t settle for a relationship that isn’t fireworks, for a girl who isn’t everything you imagined her to be. Humans are imperfect, and women are no exception, but do not keep yourself in a relationship with a woman who you know, in your heart and mind, isn’t the one.

If you don’t feel a spark, if her smile doesn’t light up your soul, if you don’t find yourself laughing and craving her presence, then let her go.

If you find yourself wishing for someone else. If your days feel empty, like something’s missing, if you know that this woman isn’t who you’d want to marry one day, then let her go.

Don’t settle because you think she’s good for you, because she keeps you in line, because she does your laundry for you, or says all the right things. Don’t settle because you think she’s all you’re going to get. Set her free, make yourself a better man, and discover what else is out there.

Remember that you are just as imperfect as the next person, so don’t hold yourself up on a pedestal, but don’t let yourself love a woman who cheats, a woman who lies, a woman who sneaks around behind your back or brings you down or doesn’t love you the way you need to be loved.

By all means, if you want something casual, have something casual. But own that desire and make it known. If you don’t want to fall in love, then don’t pretend to be. Be honest with yourself and with the women you bring into your life. If you’re going to stay the night, but not the morning, make sure your woman knows that. Make sure you aren’t the one breaking hearts because you’re too afraid to be honest.

But don’t just be the man who stays the night if you want something more.
Don’t settle for just that. Pursue real love.

Relationships are complicated and painful, but find a woman who knows this, and who lets you in. A woman who brings out the best in you, but doesn’t rely on you for her source of happiness. Find a woman who completes you, but was already whole. A woman who isn’t afraid to love, and who teaches you not to be.

Don’t settle for anything less than sweaty palms and nervous text messages, the urge to cry when you see her in a fancy dress, and an unconscious smile when she snuggles against your chest.

Don’t settle for half-love and hookups, unsatisfying relationships with women you do not feel passion for. Let these women go. It’s only fair to them. And to you.

Your woman is out there somewhere. Make yourself the best man you can be. And find her. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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