This Is How A Man Gets A Woman (According To Women)

To read how a woman gets a man, according to men, click here.


1. Don’t try so hard.

Awkward jokes and pick-up lines aren’t necessary. A simple “hey, how’s your day/night going?” goes a long way.

— Arielle, 27

2. Be friendly, not flirty.

Talk to me like you want me to be your friend first. Joke, laugh, etc. Make fun of me (in a friendly way!) Just have fun with me, because that’s what I want forever: to have fun with someone. A “Girlllll you look fine as hell” does nothing for me, but, “You just threw a fry at your face and missed and that’s hilarious, you dummy” is great.

— Chelsey, 24

3. Smile!

Honestly, just smile. That’s where it starts. If you look like a happy, positive dude, I’m going to be drawn to you from the start.

— Bri, 31

4. Don’t be that wasted guy.

There’s seriously nothing more annoying than being approached by sh*tfaced dudes at the bar or club. Look, I get it. The liquid confidence. But do you really think I’m going to take you seriously when you’re slurring, touching my shoulder with your sweaty hand, and stepping on my freaking heels? The answer is NO.

— April, 24

5. Open your mouth and speak!

It’s great when a guy approaches you with a drink, or just to start a casual conversation. I like when guys initiate! That’s a definite Yes, he’s totally into me! moment. But the worst is when you can tell he’s super nice and super shy…and he stands by you and says nothing. I mean nothing. Sorry, dude, but if you don’t talk to me, I don’t know if I’m into you.

It’s not that hard. Talk to me about anything. Maybe a compliment, maybe about the song that’s playing, or about my drunk friends, or about what alcohol I typically drink…literally anything. Really, I promise I won’t bite.

— Sammi, 23

6. Treat me like a human being.

I like it when a guy treats me like a human being rather than a romantic conquest. Like, when a guy first comes up to me, just talk to me like any other normal person. The more you try to woo me and impress me the more uncomfortable I’m going to feel. Just open with some small talk and if the talking goes well, then move into some flirting.

— Krysten, 22

7. Use your brain.

If you’re texting or messaging over social media, proper spelling and punctuation go a long way. I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve friend-zoned for using the wrong “your.” Sorry not sorry!

— Eva, 23

8. Buy me a drink.

If we’re at all bar, well then by all means, buy me a drink. That always works. And even if I’m not really into you, or we don’t click, I’ll still appreciate the gesture and talk to you for a decent amount of time.

— Genny, 29

9. Don’t be hesitant.

Just approach me. Don’t be timid, weird, nervous, sketched out, or come up to me with a band of your annoying drunk bros. Just come up to me and talk. I’ll be impressed with your confidence and it will be clear that you’re interested, which makes things easier and less stressful for me. I like that.

— Mandy, 26

9. Don’t stare at my boobs!!!!

Okay, so maybe my boobs look good in this shirt. Awesome. But my face is up here. If you’re seriously trying to talk to me, then at least have the courtesy to look me in the eyes. Ugh.

— Hanna, 19 Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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