1. “You look fat.”
Okay, I don’t care if this is one of your harmless ‘jokes,’ or you think it’s hilarious because, in your eyes I’m sooo totally not fat, but it’s not funny. EVER. I don’t care if I’m literally a bodybuilder with 10% fat on my bones. NO ONE APPRECIATES BEING CALLED FAT. Would you like me to comment on that beer belly/dad bod thing you have going on? Yeah, didn’t think so.
2. “Your hair looks like crap.”
News flash: I’m not going to have perfect hair days every single day. So you can just get over it. Or, if you must comment, maybe say something a little nicer, like: Hey, darling sweetie amazing wonderful (girl)friend of mine, you might want to curl that little section again.
And then smile innocently as I growl at you.
3. “You look tired/exhausted/crabby/awful.”
PSA: When you tell a woman she looks ‘tired,’ what you’re really saying is that she looks like awful—pale face, under-the-eye-bags, messy hair. Yeah, we know we look bad. We’re having one of those days.
And ‘You look crabby’ or ‘You look terrible’—are you looking to get slapped? Because you’re getting realllllllly close.
4. “Are you on your period?”
Oh, why? BECAUSE I’M FREAKING OUT BECAUSE YOU’RE BEING MEAN?! Listen, men: don’t ever ask a woman if she’s on her period just because she’s mad about something.
…no but seriously, it’s just rude. Until you understand stabbing cramps, hot flashes, up and down emotions and BLEEDING OUT OF YOUR BODY then let us be.
We’ll eventually apologize for being sassy…eventually.
5. “You’re being a *insert a terrible swear word* right now.”
No. No. No. Just no. Swearing at a female (or anyone, for that matter) is just really hurtful. So just don’t do it. Ever.
6. “You’re being so emotional / such a girl right now.”
*Que my Feminist alarms* Being such a girl should never be used as an insult. And don’t call me out on my emotions. I have emotions. I feel things. Sorry not sorry.
7. “You’re going to get raped.”
This is a serious exchange I’ve overheard between a guy and a girl regarding her choice of outfit. I’m not kidding.
What’s wrong with this? Try absolutely everything. Even if you’re joking, this is NOT funny. In the slightest.
8. “You’re wearing that?”
First of all, I didn’t realize I hired you as my personal outfit advisor. And I didn’t realize I needed to be accountable to you about my clothing choice. Thanks for enlightening me. NOT.
Second of all, if there’s something a female is wearing that is either a) not flattering b) inappropriate or c) just strange, there are plenty of positive ways to address that. Try, Hey *insert kind word here,* I think that _____ would look so much better on you. Not only nice, but a compliment. Win-win!
9. “Wow, you eat a lot.”
Or some other unnecessary comment about food.
Listen, women get enough body-shaming from the world, it’d be great if we didn’t get it from you as well. Sometimes we eat salads…and sometimes we eat burgers and fries and milkshakes and tacos. Don’t judge us.
10. “You would look better with bigger boobs / butt.”
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! I didn’t realize my worth was determined by the size of my body parts. Oh wait, it’s not.