1. Having hair make a mess all over the shower and debating handling it immediately or letting it go down the drain, leading to an inevitable clogging.
2. Feeling unexpected moisture and being unsure whether it’s just random wetness or the joyous commencement of a period.
3. Getting sucked into and facing the irresistible wrath of Target’s clothing section.
4. Stretching out jeans that are freshly washed by squatting low and wide.
5. Feeling the glorious relief of removing your bra as soon as you come home. Scratching the area where sad bra was is the icing on the cake.
6. Hiding your underwear inside of the rest of your clothes when you go to the doctor’s office.
7. Barring any stains or obvious filth, wearing jeans several times before washing them because that’s totally normal.
8. Fearing that a fart will be trapped in your tight, skinny jeans, rearing its vicious aroma at the worst of times.
9. Shaving, then enjoying the feeling of your legs in bed – preferably rubbing against freshly washed sheets.
10. Constant Kegels. Even like mid-conversations Kegels when the other person has no idea it’s happening.
11. Crying for no apparent reason, to the point where you feel foolish and annoyed with yourself for having so many feelings. Also, staring at yourself in the mirror during the waterworks for a look at your always unflattering cry face.
12. Check out other girl’s butts, basically to the point where it’s second nature.
13. Limit shaving to the most necessary of times. Wearing jeans to avoid getting up close and personal with a razor is common. And unless there’s likely sexy time happening, there’s little sense in shaving your hush.
14. Your arms getting tired because you spent that much time trying to do makeup and pluck your eyebrows – especially if there are one or two hairs that are resisting your pluck.
15. Pushing your stomach out to get an idea of what pregnant-you will look like.
16. Much like the fellas who grab and pull at their groin, adjusting themselves, we do the same with our breasts in bras, although we tend to have the courteousness to hold off until nobody is looking.
17. Feeling the urge to grab hold of your boobs as you use stairs because that bouncing ain’t no joke and is legitimately painful.
18. When dropping a deuce in public restrooms, it’s common to place sheets of toilet paper in the bowl to minimize sound. That, or just flush for noise. Whatever it takes to eliminate the sound of your body going through the motions.
19. Going to the restroom to replace a tampon, only to discover that it’s completely dry.
20. Discovering butt crack hair. Not butt hairs, but head hairs finding their way into that crease.
21. Nearly losing an eye to a mascara wand.
22. Doing… things in front of the mirror. Checking ourselves out, twerking a bit, posturing out our chest, viewing our boobs at different angles. Sometimes even full-blown stripper practice, which often ends with you feeling ridiculous and confirming you’ll never do this in front of a living, breathing human.
23. Being late to events that we had HOURS to get ready for, because you were so concerned with not finishing early that you overestimated how much time you had.
24. Starting several diets, usually tomorrow or next week, or next month, or after the holidays, or just sometime before next summer.