1. He spiked my drink himself so he could ‘save me’ and show me how caring he was.
“I once was out with friends and my drink was spiked. One dude stayed with me to take care of me and my other friends left because we all knew him. Turns out he spiked my drink himself so he could ‘save me’ and show me how caring he was.
Edit: since people are asking how I found out, he told a mutual friend thinking that the guy would think it was a cool move. Our friend did not think it was cool, and told me what happened.
This dude also laced the one-hitter we were using with something that same night. I could have died, but he really thought he was being a genius pick up artist. The worst part is that we had actually been talking for a week or so before this—I clearly already liked him, and he still felt the need to do this.
Keep your eyes on your drink and trust your instincts.”
2. I ended up breaking up with him and getting a restraining order after he threatened to shoot me.
“I dated my ‘nice guy’ best friend in undergrad who swore he was ‘different from other guys’ after being there for me after a couple of failed relationships. I ended up breaking up with him and getting a restraining order after he threatened to shoot me. Not saying you shouldn’t give people a chance, but you should always stay wary.”
3. He would message me about how I looked really good when he saw me from his car while I was walking in my neighborhood.
“This guy I used to see around town at different events had evidently built me up in his mind and it was pretty confusing at first then scary. I saw him probably 2-3 times a week at different shows/hangouts but we never exchanged a word. Someone introduced us once but then we both moved on. He added me on FB and we would chat a bit on there about shows/life , people we were dating etc. I started to get serious with someone and would mention my partners name here and there , talk about what we did over the weekend . Eventually the guy starts sending me obscene messages , telling me his sexual fantasies and what he thinks my skin would feel like etc. I asked him to stop and he wouldn’t and instead suggested I only wanted him to stop because the guy I was seeing was controlling. I told him to get lost (kindly at first ) then more forcefully. I told my partner about what was going on and he expressed a lot of concern and offered to talk to the guy but I wanted to handle it. He messaged me later to tell me when he saw my partner going to work at night (even noting ‘he wore s flannel shirt today, right?’), he would message me about how I looked really good when he saw me from his car while I was walking in my neighborhood. I let my partner know that this guy knew where we lived and worked so we should be careful. It was stressful but I outed him to our mutual friend and it died down.”
4. He joked about raping me next time I’d stay at his place—to prove his deep respect and love for me, maybe?
“Had a friend who couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to date him. He even pulled the ‘women want assholes who abuse them’ card. Not sure how he didn’t notice all the assholes I also didn’t want to date. Friendship broke when he joked about raping me next time I’d stay at his place—to prove his deep respect and love for me, maybe?”
5. I actually dated a ‘nice guy’ once and he was so ‘nice’ that he cheated on me 14 times.
“Every ‘nice guy’ I’ve ever met has spent more time whining about how much of a ‘nice guy’ they are than actually being a good friend.
I actually dated a ‘nice guy’ once and he was so ‘nice’ that he cheated on me 14 times with all of these random girls that he would stay up all night playing therapist for.”
6. He was charged with everything from stalking to sexual harassment.
“This is going to be disturbing, and I’m still wrapping my mind around it myself.
My nice guy was a guy who met me in a sibling loss group after my twin died. He claimed to be married, he lived several states away. We were never flirtatious or romantic. I spoke to his wife many times because I realized I was taking online time from a married man’s family, and explained we were simply sharing a similar heartache. I have very little interest in men, and I made this clear. Without saying too much, I had a fairly sizable following for comedy-ish posts. Without my knowledge, over the course of 11 months, he convinced himself and most of my social media friends and his that we were in a serious low-profile relationship. I had no idea this was happening aside from one strange comment from a friend of mine, not his, about my ‘fiancé,’ that I believed was miscommunication. He moved to my area, got a job as a janitor at my office (that I had NOT told him or anyone else I work for, ever, including fake media username), befriended me in person as his real-life identity while still pretending online to be a happily married man in another region. Meaning: this neat new janitor working overnights with me in building was the same guy I was talking to online, and I had no idea.
One night my work server contacted my personal phone stating I had requested passwords at a time I was out of office and off work devices. I cancelled the request tickets and logged out of everything remotely, wondering if there had been a stutter in service. The next night the janitor was harsh and tetchy with me. I remember that day, the guy from the sibling loss group made a very odd, out of character confession about killing a small pet of his daughter’s. When I barely responded aside from “that must have been horrible for her,” he made up a story that it was injured accidentally when he accidentally kicked it.
The next morning I got another service response for my work device. I took my device to the IT guy the next day and asked him to check it out, if anyone else in office had bogus service tickets sent during off-hours. He came back to me saying it looked like I had been in office til after 7am, and asked about drinking at work or exhaustion. I leave hours before then. The hairs on my arms were up, that’s for damn sure. I asked him if I could get cleared to take my devices home that night. No requests for service, but endless messages from the loss group, that I let him know I was too busy for.
The next morning (meaning just hours after I’d gone home) I got an emergency meeting notification. When there’s an emergency at work, it’s NOW. Rushed in as fast as I could and there was half a table of people looking very much like concerned fathers at the board room table. And pictures of me, my house, my daughter, my car, the back of my head at my desk, me eating, me making the weird face I do when I’m reading another email from PR, of…my anonymous accounts on media, my family’s headstones, etc.
The janitor had left them.
He was really early 20s, single after attempting to beat his female friend’s blood brother to death out of jealousy after he convinced himself they were sleeping together (???) and had multiple protection orders against him in his home area. He had moved to escape people looking to, ‘make sure he wasn’t a problem again,’ and I was his secondary aim.
He had been stealing my devices after I went home and trying to get into them. His language and tactics made it clear he thought he owned me and I was just being stubborn. There was a long, arduous inquiry into our “relationship,” see, he had listed himself as my dead brother when he applied for the janitorial job, and his address was mine. He was unceremoniously tossed out, charged with everything from stalking to sexual harassment of everyone who saw the pictures he’d taken. The wife and child were his sister and his sister’s child. I had never spoken to a “wife,” he had an entire series of social media profiles set up to make it look like he had an extended family and dead sibling in order to join trauma groups and manipulate people who needed a friend. His bills were paid for by another series of women he was having pay him for friendship and sexual attention.
I work in a minor branch of law enforcement, and he thought he was clever trying to convince me to fall in love with janitor-him by being mourning-married-man him. He thought if he ~exposed~ the nice, sometimes morose me having a totally appropriate online friendship with a married man that I would either be ruined or be blackmailed into being his quarry til he moved on. He also had detailed out how my daughter (who is adopted) would be adopted out to make room for our ‘real’ children together.”
7. He went ballistic and told me he couldn’t be with a girl who had no respect for herself.
“Met this guy online through one of my friends. He seemed pretty nice, so I would text him periodically throughout the day and he wanted to video chat once so we did.
He became obsessed with me and wanted to call every night before he went to bed. He told me I would be the perfect wife and that we should have 3 kids. He wanted to move me out to the cattle ranch he owned and operated so we could get married and start a family. We had been talking for maybe two weeks.
I was looking for a job to get through college and jokingly shared a ‘now hiring dancers’ sign at the local strip club on Snapchat. He went ballistic and told me he couldn’t be with a girl who had no respect for herself. We weren’t even dating, but he ‘broke up’ with me on my birthday.”
8. He kept calling me up to tell me he could see I was broken and he was going to save me.
“I was potentially interested in an acquaintance. Spent some time with him, decided I didn’t want to date him, said no when he asked me out. He kept calling me up to tell me he could see I was broken and he was going to save me.”
9. You sit down and he sits just a little too close to you. You get up and he follows like a puppy.
“This poor guy. Oh lord. He tried so hard, I felt so bad. I tried to tell him… hell…he met my boyfriend several times. But he kept trying. We were both part of a subculture that promotes young marriage and he was sure I was the one, at first sight….
Minus the incel-type shit. It was painful to watch and more painful to experience. Socks and strapped sandals, cargo zip-off pants, graphic buttons down shirts, fedora, transition lens glasses, the works. If we were in middle school, he’d be the one with the rolling backpack who runs everywhere. All he was missing was a katana.
You sit down and he sits just a little too close to you. You get up and he follows like a puppy. Well, no, because everyone loves puppies. But he follows, just a little too close. He walks you to the bathroom. He tries to carry everything for you and hold the door and talk sweet, failing on all counts. And your heart goes out to him because it’s like…if someone would just give him a chance, maybe they could help him over this initial anxiety he has and maybe help fix his issues with connecting to girls. But taking him on as a project isn’t really ethical, and I’m not going to break up with my boyfriend just to help a guy. Anything he overheard you mentioning, he’d try to insert himself, like Michael Scott. If he knew nothing about it, he’d tangentially (and quickly!) steer the conversation into one of his interests. And he would call/text/email over and over and over: I hope he had an unlimited plan.
The cringiest thing to happen was at a talent show. I was going to sing a duet with a guy, who got nervous right before we were supposed to go on. NiceGuy overheard and is happy to sweep in and save the day, except the one problem of where he doesn’t know the song. And wants me to write the lyrics and music for him within the next six minutes before we are supposed to go on. I say no, it’s okay, I’ll just tell the sound guy to skip the duet. NiceGuy of course is not okay with this and jumps up to run to the sound guy for me. OriginalGuy comes to the rescue and says he has regained his courage and will go on with the show. NiceGuy is not okay with this, because he wants to be the hero of the night and to be singing a romantic song together. Long story short, I wind up singing a romantic duet with both OriginalGuy and NiceGuy at the same time. I’ve probably never felt as uncomfortable on stage.
I ‘escaped’ a few months later by switching states and changing my phone number.”
10. He starts sending me texts or cornering me in the halls at school asking if I’d sucked my boyfriend’s dick, if he’s seen me naked, etc., etc.
“During middle school, I used to sit with a group of friends at lunch and we would play trivia games. Anyway this guy, I’ll call him ‘John’ would play with us- he was more or less part of our circle of friends and basically ran the whole trivia game, sometimes he would even bring small prizes such as packs of gum or Hershey kisses for the winner, no one ever asked him to, he just did. He was also always really nice, he would text me constantly and we would share personal things, venting and offering advice.
Anyway fast forward to the beginning of 9th grade, I had just broken up with my middle school boyfriend and started talking to another guy, we had hung out a few times too a few weeks after I had gotten out of my relationship. John happened to drive by one time while we were walking around and immediately texted me about it, practically blackmailing me that he would tell all my friends I had ‘cheated’ and that if I wanted him to not then we needed to grab a cup of coffee together and I needed to explain the situation to him (which I did l, over text).
Fast forward some more and I’m now dating the guy I had been talking to and John is still talking to me about his problems and doing what friends should do when out of nowhere things get weird. He starts sending me texts or cornering me in the halls at school asking if I’d sucked my boyfriend’s dick, if he’s seen me naked, etc., etc. Of course I didn’t tell him anything but then things got weirder. I leaned over one time and saw my boob then all of a sudden had to go out of his way had to pull me aside and tell me because he was ‘just being nice.’ He later texted me multiple times telling me why he should be allowed to ‘see more’ and how he was better than my boyfriend and would treat me better and we already talk about our problems etc. etc. I said no on multiple occasions and he just would not take it.
For months he followed me relentlessly and then pulled the whole ‘I’m going to kill myself because you don’t love me.’ And ‘you only don’t like me because I’d actually treat you right.’ After that we didn’t talk for months and grew apart over the years. Now we’re graduated and I just got a text from him thanking me for my friendship and asking to go out for coffee like ‘in the good old days.’”
11. I’d come up from the water & his dick would be out. He’d be grinning wildly at me & shaking it.
“When I was in sixth grade, I hung out with this group of kids in our apartment complex, most of them much older than I was. Chad was 16 with braces, acne, horrid teeth. He would separate me from the group & corner me for a kiss all the time, telling me I owed him because his mom had me over for dinner since she knew I was a latchkey kid. ‘We take care of you, don’t we? Take care me.’ Gross, I never did it.
Sometimes we would have fun playing basketball, or going swimming. If the other kids in the group wandered off, I’d come up from the water & his dick would be out. He’d be grinning wildly at me & shaking it, & as I ran away slipping on the wet tiles, he shouted crazy shit about how I can’t come over for dinner anymore.”
12. He’d message me every 5 minutes and insist on calling each night.
“I met a guy, let’s call him Dan (because that’s his name), on Facebook. We had mutual friends in common, they vouched for him, and the chats we had were innocently about bands, movies, the best location for hot chocolate. We were both 23. I had PTSD at the time from a car wreck, and liked the distraction of Dan’s conversations.
I went away to the US for 6 weeks, and he was ‘curious’ about what it was like there, so the chatting intensified, with me sharing photos of different places and anecdotes about what I’d been up to. When I got home, I agreed to go on a date with him to get hot chocolate. He insisted the only day that worked was the day I’d arrived home, after a 28-hour flight. I agreed, but said it would have to be short. He ended up driving us over an hour away to get hot chocolate (warning flag 1) and then a further hour to get a nice view of the city (warning flag 2). I was nervous, but too tired to really complain, and all he did was play with my hair.
After that, he’d message me every 5 minutes and insist on calling each night. A week later I had to get surgery on my shoulder. My mum couldn’t take me to the hospital, so he said he’d give me a lift. When I was there, I kept saying he’d better go, and he just…lingered. The nurse came in and said to get changed into a hospital gown, everything off except panties, etc. etc. HE WOULDN’T LEAVE THE CUBICLE. He said he’d ‘see everything eventually’ and so I shouldn’t be shy, and to let him help me undress. I kept asking him to leave, and eventually had to call the nurse to call security to get him to leave.
When I woke up Dan had blown up my phone with messages (200+) that started off nice, ‘I hope your surgery goes well, sweetheart. I love you’ to ‘hit me back ASAP’ to ‘you ungrateful bi+c* I hope you’re dead’ to ‘I’m sorry, I’m just worried about your surgery. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. You’re the very best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I love you so much.’
That freaked me out, and I sent a text that just said ‘leave me alone, please,’ and then never replied. Dan showed up at the hospital in the morning, and I just pretended to be asleep. He stayed for 4 hours. Each time the nurse came in I just pretended to be out of it, then pass back out.
He’d wait outside my house for hours for weeks afterwards. He bought us tickets to go to America, promised a fully paid trip including a trip to Vegas, because he didn’t want to wait to get married. I’d physically hung out with him twice. He created fake Facebook profiles using a (badly) Photoshopped photo of us together. Dan, you were a bloody creep.”
13. One time he said, ‘it’s not as if I’m asking you to commit genocide or anything, just to chat with me.’
“I had a new job — I was a data-entry monkey and was just getting used to the company. One day in the cafeteria a guy introduced himself to me. He seemed pretty nice, honestly. I think we could have been good friends.
Anyway, we had this Skype-type program to talk to each other. The first time he chatted me I chatted back for a few minutes. No big deal.
But he started chatting me all the time. Like, all the time. My supervisor would be there training me and I would have to be repeatedly closing the window on him and typing to him ‘in training’ and he would still be chatting to me. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. One time he said, ‘it’s not as if I’m asking you to commit genocide or anything, just to chat with me.’ If I ignored him he would wait maybe 15 minutes and send me another message.
He also started offering me really expensive teas—I think because in the cafeteria I had said I liked tea. That’s what I had been there to get. He called us the tea club. I tried to not accept them, but he would show up at my cubicle with cups of tea and literally leave them there. One time he told me he had spent a third of his month’s pay on a new type of tea-leaf for us to try. I was horrified.
Oh, and he would say off-putting things about like, how pretty and talented I was. You know, the basics.
Luckily the Skype program saved literally all of our conversations, so one day I just printed them all out and brought them to HR. Most of them were him asking for me to chat and me ignoring him. I was worried that it was going to be a horrible, awkward meeting and I really did feel awful about telling on him, but HR was really nice. It turns out they already had several similar complaints, so he was fired the next week. Sorry, tea-guy. I hope you find the tea-girl for you. But it wasn’t me, and I needed you to accept that.”
14. When I refused to answer him he was upset cause he was such a nice guy and we had ‘been friends so long.’
“Guy I was friends with when I was in 5th grade and he was in 8th adds me on FB once I hit 16 and immediately asks me if I masturbate. When I refused to answer him he was upset cause he was such a nice guy and we had ‘been friends so long’ even though I knew him for a year forever ago.”
15. He just fucking went for the kiss.
“He kissed me and when I pushed him and said wtf!!!! He said ‘there ain’t no such thing as free lunch!’
Prior to this he had begged me for weeks to eat lunch with him because he had no friends to talk to and he was going through a harsh divorce. So when I finally felt bad enough to go and eat with him he insisted on paying for it, even though I tried to pay for my own meal.
Anyway he made me drive his car to drop him off because he had one glass of wine, and in the car he kept telling me to call him by his first name. And I refused but he kept insisting, then when I stopped the car he just fucking went for the kiss.
Fuck that guy. Never saw him again.”
16. He said ‘you bitch.’ Then walked away and in a quieter voice muttered ‘lying sluts.’
“As a cashier, I was ringing up some guy’s purchases and he was super friendly, then he said I was pretty and had really nice eyes. I said ‘thanks, they’re actually contacts.’
His whole demeanor changed. He said ‘you bitch.’ Then walked away and in a quieter voice muttered ‘lying sluts,’ still loud enough for me and the sweet old lady in line behind him to hear. I was upset about it at first but when I told my fiancé about it later we started laughing over how ridiculous it was.
Now it’s a running joke between my fiancé and myself and we laugh about how when I don’t out the lid on the toothpaste or something that I’m a “lying slut”.”
17. He flipped out and was screaming ‘just take my help and like me for once, you standoffish bitch.’
“Worked at Macy’s and at the time I was riding a moped. It was crazy rainy and I was trying to get the thing to start when one of my coworkers called me asking if I was working tonight. I told him if I could get my moped started I would but if not I would have to call out, he offered to give me a ride and he was generally a nice guy to everyone in the upstairs department so I said sure. A few weeks later my moped blows a fuse in the parking lot after a late shift and he must’ve me pushing it towards the sears garage because he pulled up in his car offering to help when I said no cuz it’s a tiny fuse that I know my friend in the sears garage has on hand he flipped out and was screaming ‘just take my help and like me for once you standoffish bitch’ and I was like whoa man I have a bf you know that and was never interested in you like that. He then grabbed me trying to pull me into his back seat and he was un buttoning his pants and I just flipped out and punched him in the face repeatedly until he let go of my arm and I took my moped and ran like Forrest fucking Gump. When I told the cops, they accused me of sleeping with him since he had seminude pics of me on his phone but the sheriff later said they were taken from what appears to be a high angle while I was in a changing room. He had been taking pictures of me changing into my work clothes for months and the other guy working in my department let him do it to other people too.”
18. He had hidden things all over my house.
“Had (what I thought was) a friend who lived in my building. Did normal friend things. Walked to class together, had movie nights etc…
Had a movie night one night while my roommate was away, and got a super weird vibe from him. Told him I forgot I needed to get up early and asked him to leave earlier than planned.
I have anxiety, so I couldn’t sleep and decided to spend the night deep cleaning my apartment (while muttering sorry to my neighbors for vacuuming at 1am)
Found he had hidden things all over my house. My only guess was so he had an excuse to come back, like in Seinfeld? Maybe, Idk. But it was a whole box of things. I went to put them outside in the hall and t3xt him it was out there and discovered he had turned the lock off on my door. (It was set up like the inside of the door had a button you could press so you didn’t get locked out bringing out the trash.)
I basically stopped talking to him anymore, and one day I was bringing in groceries, which he normally asked to help with, and instead he punched me in the ass cheek so hard I almost fell down and dropped everything.”
19. You’re not a nice guy if you get angry at me for rejecting you.
“I liked this guy, let’s call him Nick, and Nick and I had been flirting back and forth but I wasn’t sure if it was going to become anything and I didn’t really know how he felt or what we were. At the same time, there was this other guy, we’ll call him Ash, and he kept trying to ask me out. I would straight up say no and he kept asking for a reason and I didn’t really want to tell him that I liked another guy and screw up my chances because it was so much in the beginning and this was high school so I didn’t want him going around telling people about who I liked. He kept trying to tell me about how he was a nice guy and wouldn’t leave me alone. About two weeks later Nick asked me out and once Ash got word of that he was so pissed at me. We were never really friends, so it wasn’t that bad but more of annoying because he kept complaining after that that ‘Nice guys finish last.’ Like no, you pretty much tried to harass me into saying yes to a date when I told you no. No, you don’t have to get an explanation because I barely know you and no should be sufficient enough for you to leave me alone. You’re not a nice guy if you get angry at me for rejecting you.”
20. I was portrayed as a shallow, horrible bitch who wouldn’t give the sweet, nice guy a chance.
“Hooooooo boy. Batten down the hatches, I have a good one (that will probably get buried, but what can you do).
In college, my roommate’s boyfriend’s roommate (let’s call him Noah) had a bit of a crush on me. For a while it seemed fairly innocuous, following me around, making weird awkward comments, but nothing too bad—I just thought he was a weird guy. Since our roommates were dating each other, I figured I could at least be friendly.
Eventually, he asked me out, and I tried to (kindly) explain that while I valued him as a friend, I just didn’t see him that way. I also had a boyfriend/clear love interest at the time (which Noah definitely knew about), so there was a zero percent chance of me going on a date with him anyway, but I tried to be nice about it.
Long story short—a couple of weeks later, I go to a comedy show on campus. I knew Noah was in the stand-up group, along with my roommate’s boyfriend (which is why they were friends), but didn’t really think anything of it. Show starts, everything’s normal, and then it’s Noah’s set. Noah gets up to the mic, looks right at me (it was a small theater), and proceeds to do an entire public stand-up set about how I won’t date him, and he doesn’t understand why, because even though he’s awkward and nerdy, he’s a sweetheart. I, on the other hand, was portrayed as a shallow horrible bitch who wouldn’t give the sweet, nice guy a chance. He also gives a brief history of his crush on me, which apparently spanned two years; he mentions keeping a journal about me, keeping track of my movements, etc. He also mentions that he had recruited friends to come watch me play (I was an athlete in college), all in his quest to impress me, the ungrateful horrible bitch who wouldn’t date him. This went on for twenty minutes. I couldn’t leave, because the theater had a rule where you could only leave between sets.
So afterwards, I ask some of my guy friends about the stand-up set, and it turns out that the weird stalkerish details that were ‘jokes’ in his set were completely, 100% true. Here I thought Noah had been my friend all along, but it turns out that almost everything he did was part of a long campaign to get into my pants. He really did keep that ‘notebook,’ although it was more like a series of notes—roommate’s boyfriend sort of knew about it, but wasn’t sure how to tell me (ironically, this caused them to eventually have a fight, because my roommate was angry that he didn’t tell me or her this was going on). It included some pretty creepy details, such as my schedule, notes on whether I was single, and things like ‘I hosted that party, and MiniPlesiosaur was 32 minutes late, and left early.’ This explained a lot, considering that his next party invite said something like ‘I bet MiniPlesiosaur won’t be 32 minutes late to this one!’ Ugh.
So basically, a ‘nice guy’ semi-stalked me for two years, and then when I rejected him, did a very public comedy set about how I wouldn’t date him, bashing me for being a terrible person and inadvertently revealing the depth of his creepiness. Awesome.
Edit—for those asking about the audience reaction: Noah didn’t mention my name in the set, I got a pseudonym, but it was clearly about me. Audience reception was mixed but generally uncomfortable. It started out fairly innocuous but quickly got awkward, and since I went to a tiny school there were definitely quite a few people who knew it was about me.”
21. He told me I must be a lesbian because I saw no problem with it and that explained why I didn’t fancy him.
“11 years ago, I met him online, he seemed really nice and we’d chat through MSN. I’d only seen a picture of him and he never wanted to go on webcam which I thought was odd but didn’t push.
When I finally met him I found out why. He’d clearly gained a lot of weight since his picture was taken which could’ve been forgiven if it wasn’t for the following.
I wasn’t interested in a relationship. I’d made that clear before once I’d said it again in person he turned into this complete twat.
The final straw was when we got into the subject of homosexual relationships (can’t remember why) and he told me I must be a lesbian because I saw no problem with it and that explained why I didn’t fancy him. I shit you not.
I told him he was deluded and not to contact me again.
A month later he messaged me on msn, which was bad enough as I’d forgot to block him, to tell me he’d had a threesome and how I’d missed out. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life and told him ‘using both hands does not constitute a threesome’ and blocked him.”
22. He blocked me from getting into my car.
“Went on a date with a guy I met through OKCupid. It was a very nice dinner date, we had a lot in common. We ended up walking around and talking for a couple of hours after dinner. It is getting late and I have work the next morning, so he walks me back to my car parked in a nearby garage. We are saying our goodbyes and I reach for my car door. He stands in front of it, saying, ‘no, the date isn’t over.’ He has a smile on his face, so I think he is joking. I laugh, then reach around for the door again. He doesn’t budge. I try a second time, this time attempting to physically move him out of the way. He still doesn’t move. I am suddenly aware that I am on the 5th floor of this garage, there is only 1 other car on this floor, the blue light is on the other end of this floor and he did marital arts for years (he mentioned that on the date). So, I cannot win if it came down to a physical attack and asking to get in my own car wasn’t working, so I start trying to figure out an alternative. We are still talking, since I figure I don’t want to upset him. I mention multiple times how late it is and that I need sleep before work the next day (but stop trying to move him). His response was dismissive, saying I could just drink some coffee in the morning. After about 15 minutes, he finally moves out of the way and I go home.
I now refuse to let first dates walk me to my car. I used to think it was a nice gesture, but now I am worried it could easily go much worse than this did.
Worst part was that it really was a very pleasant date, one of my better OKCupid dates. I still wonder what I did wrong. Did he want to hook up and thought preventing me from leaving was akin to asking me? Did he not feel confident I really did want a second date?”
23. He grabbed the shot out of my hand and walked away with it.
“One time I was at a bar/club and I had ordered a Jägerbomb, the guy next to me that I had been talking for me about 30 seconds decided to try and buy me the shot even after I said ‘aww you don’t have to do that’ a couple of times. Right after the handed me the shot my boyfriend walked.by and asked me a quick question. The dude who ordered the shot asked who that was and when I told him it was my boyfriend, he grabbed the shot out of my hand and walked away with it.”
24. He started screaming at me, calling me a slut and grabbed my arm really hard.
“I was out with a group of friends and there were two guys I hadn’t met before in our group. When we were on the fourth round someone asked me why I wasn’t getting another one and I replied by saying that I would like to have enough money left to survive the month (we’re all students). So one of these guys that I don’t know offered to buy me a drink. At first I said no, but then he kept on telling me that I could make it up by buying him a drink next time. So eventually I agreed. Later that night when the bar closed, the group split up and everyone headed home. We were about five people going in the same direction, him included. I lived a bit further away than the others at the time and was used to walking the last bit by myself. I remember asking him:
‘Oh, do you live by the stadium as well? Or do you live even further away?’
He just looked at me perplexed and said ‘I don’t live here, I’m going home with you aren’t I?’
I told him that I was sorry but that he might have gotten the wrong signals, however since he had walked so far he could crash on my couch if he wanted to.
He raged. Like full on lost control. He started screaming at me, calling me a slut and grabbed my arm really hard. I was scared but also so angry at him that I was able to hit him with my purse (I always carry a book in my purse and that night it was a hardcover) and ran home. I still had a bruise on my arm the following day. Fuck that guy (not in the literal sense).”
25. I can’t stand fucking nice guys!
“There was the guy who confessed his love for me when I had repeatedly explained to him that I was not at all interested. He then got very upset with me because ‘what was he supposed to do now’ since he’d already told HIS FIANCÉ about me and she dumped his ass. Then he started ranting about how much he hates Mexican girls because ‘we give white guys no play.’
There was the guy I went on 2 dates with that showed up (uninvited) to my birthday party with a fucking ring and like 5 dozen roses and started ordering my friends around to bring him beers. When I would not accept the ring, he jumped in his comically high truck (there was a slight struggle) and peeled out. I ran into him months later and he let me know that he was doing OK, despite what I had put him through. Thank god Manny…thank god!
Oh yeah the Big Pun lookalike grown man that was friends with my high school boyfriends older brother. He would constantly hit on 16-year-old me and tell me that my bf would cheat on me all the time and he would be so good to me blah blah blah. We see him at a party and he just starts to completely berate me in front of everyone we know and my bf about how I’m just a notch on his bed post and that my bf bangs other chicks every weekend, that I should get checked for STDs, it went on and on. This guy was literally like 400 lbs. of big scary cholo so of course no one said anything to him. I left in tears. Fuck that guy.
I can’t stand fucking nice guys!”
26. He would follow me around the city after I begged him to leave me alone.
“Obsessive white-knighting family friend (who I never had anything with and regularly told him straight up that I was not attracted to him in any way) :
Would turn up outside my lectures at uni. He didn’t go to my uni. He would then follow me around the city after I begged him to leave me alone, one time I started yelling and crying in the middle of the city and he still persisted. Was a large reason as to why I dropped out my first year and didn’t leave the house for months afterwards.
Would turn up at random events that I went to. Would just stand there staring at me in the crowd.
Tried to convince me to come to his house for a surprise. I didn’t go obviously but found out he spent all day making a fancy lobster dinner. Raged at me because I didn’t come.
Bought expensive tickets to the opera as a surprise. Again raged when I said I wasn’t interested.
He did a lot of shit like that for about 4 years since I was around 15.”
27. I had to get him banned from the library for stalking me.
“Let’s call him Tony. At my uni a bunch of apartments in neighboring student living complexes were assigned to each other to like…get to know each other? it was Stupid. anyway. Tony was That Nerd. you know the one. The one that thought no girl ever dated him because he was a Nerd (it was because he was an asshole).
He would come over all the time. and find me at work in the library and just. start talking to me. like I understand social awkwardness, but this was too much. I was not looking for any kind of relationship since my fiancé had just left me and I’d also started coming to terms with my sexuality. Anyway,
Tony insulted my roommate and acted like she couldn’t understand physics because she was a girl. Like flat-out told her she wouldn’t understand ‘the physics behind’ a project he was working on when she expressed interest. belittled us for being English Majors. Found out I liked the Flash TV show and started to rant about how it was ruined forever because one of the leads was cast as a black woman instead of a redhead, but assumed I would agree with him and thought I was some special rare flower for liking comic books (which I hadn’t actually read much of and didn’t try to pretend I had) and it was just. really strange.
Anyway he shows up one day when I’m in my living room watching something—I think Daredevil?—with another friend and we paused it and waited for him to say something. He asks me out. takes his fedora off, because yes, Tony bro actually wore a fedora. I thought that was a myth. I turned him down, politely, citing my recent breakup, sexuality that was 100% non-compatible with dating him, and that I was feeling ill. He instantly turns to my friend ‘what about you, then?’
‘I…don’t even know you?’ Kenna was better than me with confrontation. She pointed at Matt Murdock getting his face beat in. ‘We’re busy. Goodbye.’
Later, I had to get him banned from the library for stalking me to whine about black women in comic book adaptions.”
28. He told everyone who would listen I was a whore.
“His name is Dillon. Dillon and I have known each other since the 2nd grade and he used to be my younger brother’s best friend. Dillon and I ended up going to the same college, so my brother asked Dillon to look after me. This caused Dillon to stick to me like glue, and being in a new place only knowing him, I stuck around. Suddenly everyone referred to me as ‘Dillon’s wife’ and I went along with it because it was just a joke, right? Well then Dillon got really into it and suddenly professed his love to me, when I told him I didn’t feel the same way he told everyone who would listen I was a whore. Told my friends with benefits to ‘back off my girlfriend’ and texted me almost every day telling me how nobody would ever love me like him. So eventually I just ignored him, his harassing messages and let him make an ass out of himself by spreading vicious lies about me. He dropped out of college. I’m graduating with two degrees. He still messages me every now and then asking me to run away with him and get married.”
29. We all got drunk and he decided to corner me alone and insist that I owed him a relationship and that it was ‘about time and enough is enough.’
“He was my friend’s housemate and we all hung out as a trio watching movies and talking about life. I never hung out with him one on one; it just seemed like the trio was better. I also never flirted with him. Then on my birthday party we all got drunk and he decided to corner me alone and insist that I owed him a relationship and that it was ‘about time and enough is enough.’ I freaked out since he wouldn’t let me leave and slipped away.
The next morning, he tried to pretend he didn’t remember what happened, by messaging me that ‘he didn’t remember anything last night but he was sorry if he offended me.’ I called him out on his shit. He responded with ‘figures. Guess I never had a chance anyway.’ I blocked and unfriended him.
Every time I saw him after that I pretended he didn’t exist and he looked very hurt. But it was a very frightening situation he put me in, and demanding that I be in a relationship with him was crazy talk. If he’d asked me on a date I might have been receptive. But he jumped from 0 to 100 and no.”
30. He started to follow me home, sometimes even hiding in an alley near my house, watching me walk.
“When I was in junior high there was this new kid. He didn’t have any friends, so I decided to try and be friends with him since I felt bad. He told me that he had moved to the school because he had gotten into trouble (not sure what kind, but bad enough to have to move schools), and that if he got in trouble again he would be expelled. I was shocked by this, but I still tried to be friends with him. One day we got a homework assignment that required us to do research on the internet, and he told me that he did not have a computer so I decided to let him come over to do it. Nothing happened, and he had been really nice.
For the next couple of weeks after that he started to follow me home, sometimes even hiding in an alley near my house, watching me walk. He would never say anything to me about it, but I started to get really freaked out and scared that he would do something. I started to try staying at school later, if even for 10 minutes, because he would give up and go home. One day I stopped seeing him, I think he got into trouble and either moved schools or was expelled though I have no clue what actually happened. For a little after that I saw him in high school, but I never talked to him again. I was afraid that if I talked to him again he would start following me again, and did not want to deal with it.”
31. After I had to firmly reject him, he called me a feminazi and that I was being sexist to him!
“Guy in school asked me out four times, I told him politely that I’m not attracted to him and we are friends. Then proceeded to ask me for ‘friends with benefits’ he was clearly just looking to get laid. At the time, I was learning about feminism and pretty vocal about it so his frequent argument was ‘my mum is a feminist so I was raised to be a nice guy and therefore you should date me’ and ‘you are lucky to know me because nice guys are quiet and overlooked.’ Basically considered himself a godsend to women. After I had to firmly reject him, he called me a feminazi and that I was being sexist to him!”