30 DUMB Things Men Put On Their Dating Profiles (According To 30 Women)

Illustration by Daniella Urdinlaiz
Found on AskReddit.

1. “There are no good women left.”

Well, then, GTFO this site, then.


2. “I’m a King looking for my Queen.”

Run. Do not walk. Run, from profiles that have this line or some version of this.


3. “I’m a vegan and live a clean lifestyle.”

Obviously he looooooves smelling his own farts.


4. “I’m a male-feminist; chivalry isn’t dead; etc.”

I don’t give a shit about any of that. Sometimes I’m just trying to get dicked down.


5. “Don’t say hi or hey there. I don’t answer to that.”

Okay, well then shall I just start halfway into a conversation without introducing myself? Wtf do you want someone to say?!


5. “Not into weird stuff.”

Probably most definitely is into weird stuff.


6. “Let’s go on an adventure!”



7. “I’ve been hurt pretty bad…”

Ok calm down, edgesaurus; we all have. There is this fine line of TMI and casual information and then as soon as dudes cross it on their profile it becomes an instant no-no.


8. “I’m really sarcastic and blunt, that puts a lot of people off, but if you want to date me you’ll have to deal with it.”

So you’re not only an asshole to people, but you know you’re one AND see no need to change! Hard pass.


9. “I’m a true gentleman just looking for a real lady.”

Self-proclaimed gentleman are usually damaged, doormats, or wish reality was like TV-1950s.


10. “My kid comes first. You don’t like that, tough.”

So hostile…


11. “Looking for someone who is real.”

You sound like a whiny person who has some serious baggage.


12. “I’m probably more awesome than you.”

A friend wanted to know why he was never getting girls. This was on his page. I told him if I saw this I’d see it as a major red flag and indication of negging to come.


13. “No fatties.”

I have no issue with people’s personal preference but that is just rude. If you are uninterested in overweight people just don’t talk or engage with those people.


14. “We’re actually a couple and looking for a third.”

Uh nope. No thanks.


15. “I need someone who can hold a conversation.”

Normally means they can’t hold a conversation, and they want you to make up for it.


16. “I’m not going to write everything here. You should just message me to really get to know me.”

Bro. Bro. BRO. THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF YOU. You HAVE to give me a snippet! I can’t message all the hundreds of guys trying to figure out simple things! And then so many of them turn into an angry man child if you find something that means you’re simply NOT compatible

!I seriously don’t understand the logic behind this. You are setting yourself up for failure. There’s just not enough time in the day.


17. “My kids are my life…”

Well, I would fucking hope so. It’s the exact same phrase on 90% of profiles.


18. “If you can’t handle my sarcasm, you won’t last.”

this translates into ‘I’m a major asshole who says mean things to my partner. When she gets upset, I like to blame her for not being able to handle me and being too sensitive.’


19. “Looking for a NORMAL girl.”

Tells me he’s one of those guys who claims every single one of his exes are “psycho” which usually means he’s the problem.


20. “I like eating pussy and ass.”

Don’t put that on your dating profile. It was pretty awkward seeing him every day after reading that. And that’s why I don’t put my picture on OKCupid. Or Tinder. Shudder.


21. “I like to have fun.”

What a vapid phrase.


22. “I am sexually adventurous and want to experience a younger woman.”

So you’re either full of venereal disease, cheating on your wife and have venereal disease, or you are 50 and still looking to lose your virginity? As it turned out, that guy wanted to invite me on a three-way with his ‘wife.’ Nope.


23. “I’m not trying to get hurt anymore. Seems like all the good guys get treated like shit. My last girlfriend was cheating on me so I’m a little insecure right now. Please don’t be one of these fake girls who’s just gonna hurt me and fuck my friends behind my back.”

Uhhhhhhh, your baggage is way too heavy. I can just picture getting back to back text messages round the clock if I don’t respond immediately and getting called out of my name if I want to go out with friends.


24. “I try not to take life too seriously.”

Please note, if you’re over the age of 30 writing this on your profile, you’re dooming yourself with women.

1) More than 50% of guys put this on their profile—it’s not original 2) This doesn’t imply you’re light hearted and happy. This implies that you run for the hills when life hands you a bad deck of cards and you’re not ready for commitment.

Whether we like it or not, life is hard. Most of us by age 30 have witnessed some life hardship; parent getting sick, financial struggle, fired from an important job. What makes a potential date sound great is not only could we have fun together, but we’re at the very least testing if someone is going to be able to handle things like this in life and if there will be a shoulder we can lean on.

If I see this phrase, it immediately makes me as a woman looking for a relationship less interested in meeting you.”


25. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

If a guy has that in his bio you know he’s a fuckboy.


27. “I’m 6’1”, since apparently that’s important.”

Just list your height or don’t. No need for some snarky condescending remark about why you’re listing it.


28. “Building my empire.”

Basically anything that makes him sound like he’s the tits but he’s not.


29. “I want a strong woman who’s going to keep me in line.”

So you can remain a prick, but I have to do all the work by policing your behavior? Oh sure, that’ll never backfire.


30. “Fluent in sarcasm.”


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Read This: 30 DUMB Things Women Put On Their Dating Profiles (According To 30 Men)

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Lorenzo Jensen III

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