1. He isn’t nearly as good as he thinks he is at sex.
“That he isn’t nearly as good as he thinks he is at sex and it kinda hurts my feelings that he doesn’t seem to really care about improving the quality or frequency of our sex life. He watches a lot of porn and it makes me feel insecure AF, like he’d rather be doing that then fucking me. I have zero problems with porn objectively, it’s awesome! But I’ve never had this problem in a relationship before.
The dude I was with before him was a terrible human being but the sex was of course amazing (isn’t it always with toxic, crazy people) and I miss it A LOT sometimes.”
2. I fucked his brother. More than once.
“I fucked his brother. More than once.”
3. I know that he used to touch his sister when they were teenagers.
“I know that he used to touch his sister when they were teenagers.”
4. I love exceptionally big dicks.
“My love of exceptionally big dicks. I love a huge cock, no joke. My SO, he’s plenty but my word, show me a big dick picture/porn and it’s instant meltdown in Ladytown.”
5. He doesn’t know that two of my cousins forced me to give them both oral before taking turns raping me.
“He knows that from the age of 13 to17 I had been in a very abusive, sexual relationship with an older gay neighbor who used blackmail to make me do what he said. He knows that when it became known and the neighbor had been arrested and sent to prison that I was tormented and ridiculed for it, like by everyone, generally treated like I was sick and disgusting for it.
What He doesn’t know is that shortly after the neighbor was arrested two of my cousins came around and invited me over to their place to get high. Everything was cool until they started hitting me and then forced me to give them both oral before taking turns raping me.”
6. I wish he was rougher in bed sometimes.
“I wish he was rougher in bed sometimes….”
7. If he knew about the acid, the foursome, the cocaine, and all of the meaningless sex I’ve had, I know he would break up with me in a flash.
“That I have done A LOT of experimenting during my six-year stint of being single. I tried to ease him into knowing some of my experiences by telling him I’ve had a threesome and used to take Xanax here and there, and he got really upset about that.
If he knew about the acid, the foursome, the cocaine, and all of the meaningless sex I’ve had, I know he would break up with me in a flash (which I don’t find fair, as I am good now and don’t do these things because I have had enough experience while single).”
8. His depression is killing me.
“That his depression is killing me. He turns into a monster when it gets bad and never makes up for it when things are okay. When I’m not happy, he completely ignores me or brushes me off because he’s literally incapable of dealing with it. I’m not even sure he loves me anymore. I’m so confused and miserable but afraid to talk about anything serious with him, especially this type of thing, because it’ll send him into a spiral.”
9. Him never initiating sex makes me feel horrible about my body and a little ashamed of my drive.
“That him never initiating sex makes me feel horrible about my body and a little ashamed of my drive.
He has a lower sex drive than me so I’d feel manipulative bringing it up. Have brought it up gently before.”
10. I don’t think he actually gets how really insane I am.
“My husband knows almost everything about me. However, I don’t think he actually gets how really insane I am. I am trying new meds….they’re helping so far. I have a long family history of bipolar disorder…and I believe I have it.”
11. He doesn’t know how badly I was abused as a child.
“He knows almost everything about me and he knows I was pretty abused as a child but he doesn’t know how badly I was. I don’t want to break his heart by telling him. He won’t be able to fix it, or protect me from it and that will kill him.”
12. I am sick and tired of his chronic indebtedness.
“That I am sick and tired of his chronic indebtedness due to his first priority over paying any bill or buying toiletries, groceries, car gas is buying and smoking weed and his expectation that everyone owes him something. His moaning about how hard his life is. His unwillingness to do anything in his house i.e. dishes, laundry, cleaning , feeding and watering his pets. Anything. His thinking that he is God’s gift to women. It won’t be long now.”
13. I am in pain almost constantly.
“I am in pain almost constantly. I’d rather not burden him with it.”
14. A few years before I met him, I self-harmed.
“A few years before I met him, I self-harmed. After I met him and started dating, I stopped because we were intimate and he would see. I have very faint scars on my arms and thighs and he’s commented once or twice, wondering if I ‘fell through a thorn bush’ when I was a kid. I have never told anyone ever before. I’m not sure if I’ll ever tell anyone IRL in the future.”
15. He doesn’t satisfy me sexually or emotionally at all.
“He doesn’t satisfy me sexually or emotionally at all now. Together for 6, married for 3. We’ve talked about it but nothing ever changes.
Edit: in the UK. No kids. terrified of disappointing family with divorce after being warned a million times not to get married. Love him, not in love with him though. We’ve tried injecting ‘fun’ in to the bedroom, but tbh we’re polar opposites when it comes to sex. various other factors stopping me from seeking divorce, not as easy as folk seem to think.”
16. I married primarily for financial security.
“That I married primarily for financial security.
I was born and raised in poverty; SO was reasonably successful with a good job and his own home. He was also a genuinely good person (too good for me) but I didn’t let that stop me. He proposed only a few months after we’d been dating and I said yes right away.
I’ve grown to love him (it wasn’t hard; he really is a wonderful person). I would never cheat or do anything to hurt him. I try to be the person I know he deserves and I feel we have a deep connection…now. But when he talks about how we met and how it was ‘love at first sight’ I just smile and don’t argue. He married me because he loved me. I married him because I was starving.”
17. He knows that I was involved in some BDSM stuff but would probably be horrified if he knew the extent of it and how much danger I regularly put myself in.
“He knows that I was involved in some BDSM stuff but would probably be horrified if he knew the extent of it and how much danger I regularly put myself in. I was using it as self-medication for some mental health issues and he just wouldn’t understand so I don’t want to go there.”
18. I’m afraid that if I ever decide to leave him he might do something stupid.
“That I’m afraid that if I ever decide to leave him he might do something stupid.”
19. I don’t think he realizes I’d literally die without him.
“I don’t think he realizes I’d literally die without him. He saved my life when I was still living with my abusive parents and has caught me right on the edge of killing myself. He’s the light of my life and if he goes I may not make it. But I don’t want to say something cause I feel I would come off as holding him down.”
20. I was molested twice.
“I was molested twice. Once when I was really young by a neighbor in our apartment complex, and another time in my teens by my step-brother. I told my dad about it later, but he didn’t believe me until years later.
Also, getting my credit score together, have a separate bank account, and am planning on buying a house back in my home town (30ish) mins away from where we are now. I’m unhappy in our current living situation (moved in with his elderly grandparents, and am constantly surrounded by nurses, his family, maid. I need to space out, have control over my living arrangements, be my own person in a house I can take pride in.) we’ve always rented, and it never felt like “mine.” I need MY own space :( I know he doesn’t want to move, but anytime I try to talk to him about what I feel, or need, he dismisses it as something else. I’m being crazy, acting silly, we don’t have the money. I’m budgeting it out so that I can pay for everything with my paycheck, and not his.”
21. I’m disappointed about his lack of progress.
“Actually, I’m disappointed about his lack of progress, but I can’t say anything about it in fear to ruin his motivation.”
22. I have semi-frequent suicidal ideation/intrusive thoughts over killing myself.
“He doesn’t know that I have semi-frequent suicidal ideation/intrusive thoughts over killing myself. It’s something that I’ve dealt with for a long time, but telling people about it freaks them out. They think I’m actually going to kill myself. I’m not, it’s just a thing my brain does because it’s a jerk.”
23. I’m probably going to leave soon.
“That I’m probably going to leave soon.
I’m tired of his chronic irresponsibility. He has a tendency to get very drunk and still drive, while giving me excuses why it’s okay like “he’s good, he’s done this before” or “it’s country roads.” He constantly oversleeps and misses parts of his shift, seems to be very distraught about “fucking up,” but won’t even take basic action like set an alarm or go to bed at a decent hour. His money management skills are poor, so I’m having to pay for his basic necessities, while he blows his on weed.
But the thing that bothers me even more than that is his kink. We discussed it on the first date and he knew I wasn’t into it, but he still brings it up at the worst possible times and the answer from me will always be “no.” It makes me feel equal parts inadequate and disrespected…”
24. I was pretty abused as a child but he doesn’t know how badly I was.
“He knows almost everything about me and he knows I was pretty abused as a child but he doesn’t know how badly I was.
I don’t want to break his heart by telling him. He won’t be able to fix it, or protect me from it and that will kill him.”
25. He has no idea I’m bi and I’m a little afraid to tell him.
“My boyfriend has no idea that before I met him, I was actually in a relationship with a girl. He has no idea I’m bi and I’m a little afraid to tell him. Not because he wouldn’t accept it. In fact, he would love it. I’m just afraid he would get jealous and compare my ex to himself, as he’s the jealous type.”
26. I hate myself and I think about suicide.
“I hate myself and I think about suicide. I’m only 32 and I have a list of medical issues and a list of medications. Every day is a struggle even when I’m doing nothing. My body is sick. My mind is sick. I’m tired. And on top of that, I have to work every day and my debt is very very high. I’m headed for a breakdown. He just got a job. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll break down.”
27. He doesn’t know that he hurts my feelings every day by the things he says to me.
“He doesn’t know that he hurts my feelings every day by the things he says to me. I think he makes me cry like 2 or 3 times a week. I have tried to tell him, but either he doesn’t understand it or he just don’t want to hear about it.”
28. He doesn’t know the extent of abuse I’ve experienced from two separate ex boyfriends.
“He doesn’t know the extent of abuse I’ve experienced from two separate ex boyfriends. Physical, sexual, and emotional. Both are ancient history, but I still feel some residual shame (though I’ve come to terms with it all). I just don’t want him to feel sad for me, or worse, see me as weak/damaged. I also don’t care to relive any of it.”