1. She’d sewed a raw chicken inside of herself in the hopes that it’d turn into a baby.
“Once had a doctor tell me of a case he took where one of his female patients was complaining about abdominal pain. After a thorough exam, he noticed a pungent aroma from…down there. Upon further inspection, she’d sewed a raw chicken inside of herself in the hopes that it’d turn into a baby….”
2. Two D-size batteries had exploded inside her vagina.
“A lady came in via ambulance. She was complaining of vaginal pain and bleeding and mentioned nothing else. Lo and behold when we started her pelvic exam the speculum revealed that she had two D-size batteries that had exploded inside of her. She was admitted with third-degree burns on her vaginal wall. She also came in two weeks later and her boyfriend had shoved car oil in her vagina.
3. A small turtle, wedged up a woman’s vagina, was blinking at her.
“A woman came into the ER complaining of strange discharge from her (you guessed it) vagina. So she was admitted and a male nurse saw to her. As a note, the male nurse was gay and was relatively flamboyant. Anyway, the woman had her legs hiked up, and the male nurse has his head under the blanket, looking at her hoo ha. But suddenly he jumped back, looking terrified. My friend, in a bout of good-natured ribbing, joked that the male nurse couldn’t be THAT afraid of women; but, then he looked at her, fear and confusion clouding his eyes, and said, ‘something blinked at me.’
My friend is bewildered and ducks under the blanket to see for herself. And sure enough, she saw something blinking. Something small, wedged up a woman’s vagina, was blinking at her.
I’m not sure what happened next, but it was a turtle. A tiny pet turtle. ‘Tad the vag turtle’ my friend called it. The woman, somehow, believed that her vagina was a more suitable ‘tank’ that which her turtle had been in and managed to wedge him up there.
And, before you ask, my friend didn’t know what happened to the turtle, and it still makes me sad to wonder if he went home with his owner.”