1. Just ask yourself if you’d want that girl back-to-back with you to fight off sharks.
“Trust, love, resourcefulness, kindness…I did mention love, didn’t I?
Wife material is easy to recognize; just ask yourself if you’d want that girl back-to-back with you to fight off sharks.
And she loves you, not what you look like, not what you do, not who you know…you. Who you are…”
2. A woman who genuinely likes me.
“Someone who genuinely likes me instead of some checklist of qualities that I managed to get a pass on.”
3. A woman I can argue with, without it turning into a fight.
“I want someone that I can argue with (and who will argue with me), without it turning into a fight. Someone that can call me on my BS when it matters, who isn’t going to flip out if I call her on hers. I’d much rather be with someone who will challenge me and make me rethink things than someone who is trying too hard to be nice and sweet all the time. (Then again, I may just have a thing for hot-tempered girls.)”
4. She loves what she does, she cares about herself as much as she cares about me, and she smiles a lot.
“She loves what she does, she cares about herself as much as she cares about me, and she smiles a lot :) Bonus: she likes the same music as me.”
5. A woman who shares my values.
“Values. You have to have values that have some intersection.
Looks, health, wealth, all changes, but of those values seem to remain the most over a longer period of time.
So, the hottest woman in the world, but hates to learn and read? Goodbye. An attractive, affluent person, but tramples on others’ dignity? Bye.”
6. A woman who can be my best friend.
“A best friend.
If we can laugh our assess off together about something silly, share the glory of a big indulgent meal, fall asleep watching/reading something stupid together, get trapped in a shitty situation and laugh at it because it’s a shared adventure…
That’s my girl.”
7. A genuinely kindhearted woman.
“I had a huge checklist before I met my wife.
There was only a single thing on that list I would never overlook.
A genuinely kindhearted person.”
8. A woman who makes good decisions and is honest.
“Saving for a ring for my current GF.
Here’s what I look for beyond the obvious chemistry:
Does she make good decisions? Could I trust her choices if I were somehow incapacitated?
Is she honest? For me, it’s not enough to just not lie and not break the law. Does she honor the spirit of things even if the letter of the law would allow her additional advantage?
Do we have common values? This goes back to how we will address all those inevitable conflicts that no one sees coming.
How does she argue/fight? When she is hurt, does she look to hurt back? Does she pivot to cutting arguments tangential to the disagreement because the power of the hit is likely to end the convo her way? Does she label/name-call? Are old, settled, unrelated slights brought back up in recent disagreements?
How crazy is her family? If they are a part of her life, they will be a part of our life.”
9. A woman who can admit she’s wrong.
“Self-awareness. If you’re wrong, admit it and apologize. I always push myself to do the same.
Also, sexual connection.”
10. A woman who doesn’t take things so seriously.
“Outside of the obvious stuff regarding general compatibility and mutual attraction, the biggest thing that set my wife apart from every other girl I dated was just our ability to not take things so seriously.
I don’t mean not taking our relationship seriously. Of course, we’re committed to each other and our relationship; however we really don’t get overly serious about our day-to-day interactions.
We’re best friends, almost before we’re each other’s SO. We can sit in the same room for hours doing completely different things and be at complete peace. We can make plans, break plans, have discussions about our relationship, and just about everything else without getting worked up.
This was most important for me—find someone who you can enjoy and work through things with you while keeping a level head.
Now of course we argue, but when we do we reach a point where we realize this is totally unproductive, and agree to talk about it tomorrow.
Find someone who cares about you and is able to assertively approach an issue without being melodramatic. It’ll save you a world of frustration and let the love grow strong.”
11. No psychos. No cheaters. No picky eaters.
“No psychos. No cheaters. No picky eaters.
Surprisingly hard to find one who meets all three categories who isn’t already taken.”
12. A woman who genuinely loves me for who I am.
“She genuinely loves me for who I am. Like seriously, everything else is a Fucking-A bonus for what I care. This might include: intelligence, beauty, extroverted personality, honesty, charisma, charm, humor, AND zero tolerance for bullshit among other things that can make me fall in love with that person every day and make ME a better human being for her and for others. Reason is, nobody is perfect. So if that woman still loves me with all my imperfections you bet your ass I’d do the same for her.”
13. A woman who values my opinions.
“I married quite recently, but what I found is that what I was looking for and what I ended up wanting were two different things. For instance, I pictured a woman who smiled, was overly polite like me and in general just wanted to make people happy.
However, my wife isn’t quite like that. The depth of her love for others and how much good there is in her, is still staggering to me. But she’s also not a doormat like me, or this woman I imagined. Rather than finding what I was looking for, I found what I needed.
I found a woman who made me realize that my opinions matter, too. And that I should take myself seriously. Stop being a doormat.
She is brutally honest, but there’s always a loving undertone. There’s no malice. She’s simply stating what she feels, answering the question or pointing out problems—always with the focus of ‘this is our predicament, how do we solve it?’…
What made me want to marry her wasn’t that she met all my requirements. It was rather that she threw them away and gave me what I actually needed instead.
And I cherish her. She is the most amazing woman I’ve met. And it’s beyond bliss that I get to tell her I love her every day.”
14. A woman who makes me laugh.
“Does she make me laugh?
This to me was the #1 reason I knew I’d met my match. No matter how shitty my day is, she will do something to make me laugh.
All of the other stuff can go away. Bodies lose their firmness. Hobbies fade. Things you both enjoy now might be boring later. But do you know what doesn’t? Laughing at stupid fucking bullshit together.
Find someone you can laugh with.”
15. A woman I can trust absolutely and completely.
“Trust. The number-one thing without a doubt. I had lots of great relationships where I loved my partner deeply, but I always knew in the back of my mind, there was something to doubt. Something intangible that I just knew they weren’t the one because I didn’t trust them absolutely and completely. It took me over 40 years before I found the woman who earned that absolute trust. Listen to your gut, not your heart or head. Hearts lie all the time. Heads lie, too. Your gut always knows. If there’s an uneasy feeling in your gut, if you’re afraid to lay your cell phone down or leave your computer open, or talk to old friends…she’s not the one.”
16. A woman who is understanding, clean, sober, smart, and kind.
“• She is understanding rather than reacting based off emotions.
• She is clean and tidy. If she likes to keep her place clean, that’s a big plus.
• She doesn’t binge-drink or do any hard drugs. Any kind of addiction is basically a deal breaker for me.
• Intelligence. Not just being smart, but having interest in learning.
• A kind heart. If she is kind to animals, gets along with children, and feels sympathy for the less fortunate, I like that a lot.
• Doesn’t crave the attention of other men. Posting provocative pictures just for attention is a red flag for me. If it’s for modeling or something reasonable, then it’s fine by me if it’s classy.
• Has a career or career path. It’s not so much about money as it is being responsible and ambitious.”
17. A woman without a history of cheating.
“Someone without a history of cheating. If they’ve done it before, especially more than once, they’ll do it again. It might be tomorrow, or 10 years from now. It will happen.”
18. A woman who is patient and low-drama.
“This will differ for every person. I think at the end of the day everyone wants to be with someone that makes you feel loved. I had a long relationship before my fiancée that really showed me what I was looking for in a wife. I started to make a list, but I realized I could keep going on for a while, I guess that’s a good indicator.
If you’re curious here’s how far I got before realizing I needed to just stop and be thankful:
-Patient and low-drama/stress
-Independent (had her own life, friends, career goals)
-Never took me for granted
-Cared about others over themselves
-Was someone who I could be completely honest and vulnerable with about any topic
-Had similar views on money and spending as me
-Had similar goals for family and children
-Was supportive in a loving way
-Took care of herself physically for both health and beauty.”
19. A woman of character and principle.
“It wasn’t so much what I was looking for as what I lucked into finding. Before I met my fiancée, my ‘checklist’ was a bunch of superficial garbage. Interests, physical attributes and chemistry are allnice and can be important, but the real wife material stuff is in her character. My fiancée is the strongest, most resilient, and principled person that I know. She is stubborn as shit and she never gives up. She is fiercely loyal. THESE are the things that matter. Do her values match yours? Can you see her as a person you can rely on in time of crisis? Because they are coming, I assure you. Will she fight for you relationship if things get heated and you both want to scream at each other? Cause that’s coming, too.
The thing that got me on one knee, though, was the fact that I realized that she wasn’t looking for a man to possess, or train into some idea of a person that she had before, or show off to her friends or family. She was looking for a partner and an equal. She knew me, inside and out. And somehow she didn’t run screaming.
Fuck, I love that woman.”
20. A woman who is honest and respectful.
“Honesty and respect. I can look past a lot of things, but I can’t abide liars or people who are disrespectful of others. The latter extends to bigotry, manners, elitism, and disrespect to people’s privacy.”
21. A woman who genuinely wants to be with me for me.
“A woman who GENUINELY wants to be with you for you and not someone who is with you because you are the only thing she could get at the moment or something. It’s hard to describe how you can tell, but when you find a girl like that then you can just tell. It’s amazing to actually be wanted that much.
A woman who has a great relationship with her parents/family. For some reason, I’ve seen that women who have a bad relationship with her parents always have some issues of her own.
A woman who offers to pay for stuff a majority of the time (dinner, dates, etc.) and buys you random gifts just because she loves you. That’s another way to tell she genuinely loves you.”
22. A woman with high self-esteem.
“I dated a bit before getting married, and I quickly found the things that are deal-breakers. So…basically, not these things:
• Always having low self-esteem, looking for constant validation
• Expecting me to go out of my way to entertain her or think of things to do. Rather, expecting me to be her source of entertainment
• Being a picky eater
• Having seemingly constant problems with personal relationships
• Caring too much about status/money/presentation. I prefer things to look worn and used and loved rather than new and sparkly. I like old and rustic, I like thrift, and I don’t like things to change much, except when functionality is increased. I like things that work well and are reliable above all else. I am most in love with a woman who spends a lazy summer afternoon sitting on her porch in a sundress, barefoot, reading a book and sipping a glass of iced tea.”
23. Someone who is genuinely caring and smart.
“You will never find the perfect person for you, but on a non-shallow basis you should find the following:
• Someone that is caring and not like the fake kind of caring but someone that is generally loving. Also not overbearing.
• Smart, you will spend a lot of time with this person, that is how monogamy works. Someone making bad decisions that smart people can avoid or someone that thinks ahead is great. Common sense is pretty damn important. Also you have to talk to this person every day a lot of times and having someone that is just good looking who all you think about is boning might be great overall but if you are anything like me you were shallow and thought with your dick and dated someone who sucked to talk to.
• Good at planning and gets stuff done. Having someone throw you a great surprise birthday party with all of your friends and even takes into consideration inviting your brother (with whom you have a strained relationship) is awesome. My GF made me cry because I felt so loved.
• Knows when to give you your space. Having a little space and time to breathe is fucking important.”
24. A woman who is intelligent, experienced, and has common sense.
“My requirements were someone who was intelligent, not necessarily book smart, but rather someone who has experienced the real world. Someone who had common sense. She had to be independent but still want attention from me. She had to take care of herself, as in care for her health and not live like a slob. She had to be financially smart and not encumbered by unreasonable debt. I had to be physically attracted to her, and her to me. She needed to desire a family environment and create a home with me. Above all she had to accept me for who I was and who I am, she had to love me through thick and thin and stand by me in times of need. Luckily I found this person and the past 7 years have been the greatest of my life.”
25. A woman who can admit her mistakes.
“Self-awareness. People make mistakes. It’s unavoidable. The ability to recognize those mistakes is important to me. Even when the problem is someone else’s fault, she needs to be able to take responsibility for her role in the problem or her role in fixing the problem.”
26. A woman I can argue with and not worry that the relationship will suffer.
“Someone who you can argue with and not worry that the relationship is suffering. Me and fiancée have been together for 6 years with no major arguments or issues, I’m convinced its because we have little arguments every day rather than ignoring or putting up with a problem then exploding when we cant take it anymore. People who don’t know us well think we are in a bad relationship or hate each other when in reality we just tell each other like it is. :)”
27. A woman who has her shit together.
“Have your shit together. I married my wife because we get along real well and she has a college degree and a decent job. Neither of us has any debt. We aren’t rich, but money isn’t an issue for either of us. This really helps us avoid a lot of the stress and financial strains that many other couples have.”