50 People Confess The Absolute Worst Reason They Ever Had Sex With Anyone

Flickr / Cordelia Naumann
Flickr / Cordelia Naumann
Found on AskReddit.

1. Because he had a micropenis.

“Because he had a micropenis. :( It was like sucking on a button.”

2. Because I needed his WiFi password.

“My neighbor for his WiFi password.”

3. Because she bet me a free pizza that I wouldn’t last five minutes.

“She bet me a free pizza that I wouldn’t last 5 minutes inside of her. I won, but she bought a pizza with anchovies on it because when I came i pulled out and shot it on her rug, which apparently was expensive. I don’t like anchovies.”

4. Because I wanted some chocolate.

“For chocolate. I desperately wanted some chocolate but just could not for the life of me be bothered to walk the 300 meters that separated my apartment from the shops. I traded sex and a BJ with my boyfriend if he got me chocolate. He came back and I had laid a white sheet on the dinner table and was lying on it naked looking all sacrificial.”

5. Because I wanted tacos.

“For tacos. A FWB had some tacos and I said come over and bring them. He showed up and hadn’t brought the tacos because he assumed I was using it as an excuse to invite him over. I still had sex with him but I was pretty upset about not getting a taco.”

6. Because I’d forgotten to get him a birthday present.

“My best friend’s 16th birthday, in Britain that’s the age of consent, I was 17 and I took his virginity. I forgot to get him a present. I hated myself for months afterwards.”

7. Because she was a Red Sox fan and I’m a Yankees fan.

“Because she was a Red Sox fan. I’m a Yankees fan and I wanted to fuck her from behind while she wore my Yankee hat.”

8. Because she looked like the female version of me.

“She kind of looked like the female version of me, so I essentially banged female me.”

9. Because he asked very politely.

“He asked very politely.”

10. Because I was too lazy to give him a blowjob.

“Because I was too lazy to give him a blowjob.”

11. Because she was my boss and I wanted to keep my job.

“She was my boss and I wanted to keep my job. If you think bad sex is waking up the next morning with a hangover and thinking, ‘Oh god what have I done,’ try being completely sober and thinking, ‘Let’s get this over with as quickly as possible’ before you even start, and then during the actual act doing your best to distract yourself from what’s going on while reminding yourself that it has to end at some point.

12. Because I didn’t have cab fare home.

“There was a blizzard out and I didn’t have any cash and didn’t want to walk to the ATM or wait for the night bus. So I told this dude I’d fuck him at my place (we were at a party) if he paid for the cab. It was -35 that night so totally worth. There’s Uber now though so I don’t have to do that anymore.

13. Because they had the same name as me.

“They had the same name as me.

I thought it would be cool to moan my name during sex.

It was.”

14. Because they’d never been with a black guy before…dozens of times.

“‘I’ve never been with black guy before.’ ~ Dozens of women.”

15. Because she kind of followed me home.

“Because she was there, and she kind of followed me home.
Me: ‘I’m gonna bounce.’
Her: ‘Great, I love your place.’
Me: ‘Okay.’

16. Because I’d made a $1 bet.

“A bigger girl was annoying my buddy at our house party, he came up to me we were both drunk told me to take her to my room and take care of the problem. I told him that was too tall an order. He said will you take money, I said of course. my drunk ass accepted $1 to take care of the problem.”

17. Because I was bored.

“I was bored. The worst part was is she said, ‘This isn’t going to be one of those things where we never talk to each other again, right?’ I said ‘No, of course not.’

Never talked to her again.”

18. Because I wanted to see if she sounded like a dog squeeze toy when she moaned.

“There was a very petite girl in college with a VERY squeaky voice. On a long drive one day I found myself wondering what kind of noises she made during sex. I was sure she would sound like a dog squeeze toy. I had to find out. A few weeks later I succeeded. She was silent the whole time. I lost a little self-esteem that day.”

19. Because I was annoyed and tired of arguing.

“I started hating having sex with my boyfriend at the time. We were breaking up, and all he wanted to do was have sex. I was not turned on by him anymore, or even physically attracted to him, either (not that he was bad looking or anything, I just got too bored with him). Anyways, he would always wake me up in the middle of the night, trying to do it, basically begging me to give it up. One night I just had enough of arguing back and forth with him and just did it. Out of pity, I suppose. And just being annoyed to the point where I just did it so I could get some fucking shut eye. Sheeeeeeeeeshhhh. It’s never fun having sex with someone you start hating.”

20. Because I didn’t like her asshole cop boyfriend.

“Because her boyfriend was an asshole cop and I didn’t like him.”

21. Because I felt really bad she’d driven so far.

“Got catfished. Ended up being about 80 pounds heavier than the picture she had sent me. Felt really bad that she drove all this way to literally have sex, so I had to smash it. Was really weird, but the head was out of this world.”

22. Because her name was Storm.

“Because her name was Storm. I walked around drunkenly that night, telling all my buddies I had ‘the X-man dick.’”

23. Because she wouldn’t stop trying to put my wang in her mouth.

“Because she wouldn’t stop trying to put my wang in her mouth. A bunch of us at a party were laying down to go to sleep in a room and she kept trying to crawl under my blanket on the floor. eventually I just said fuck it.”

24. Because I wasn’t in the mood to argue anymore.

“Because I wasn’t in the mood to argue anymore and I know she gets hella horny when we do, so we just started fucking. How to not resolve problems 101.”

25. Because I pitied him.

“Pity. He was a perfectly nice guy, not unattractive, but for some reason could never seem to get a lot of interest. I slept with him after a party because I wanted him to feel better about himself.”

26. Because I hadn’t had sex in over a year.

“Because I hadn’t had sex in over a year.”

27. Because she was North Korean.

“She was North Korean.

She wasn’t very attractive but she was flirting with me and, fuck it, how many chances am I gonna get to sleep with a North Korean girl? So I did it for science.”

28. Because she was Malaysian.

“I’d never slept with a Malaysian girl before.”

29. Because I liked his best friend and his best friend wasn’t paying attention to me.

“I liked his best friend and his best friend wasn’t paying attention to me.

Another time, I had sex with a kind of gross guy because he thought I was really hot and I thought he might like, worship my body in bed. He didn’t even go down on me but I kept hooking up with him for like 2 months because my roommate was dating his roommate. Worst sex ever.”

30. Because I wanted to prove to my husband that I was sexier than his girlfriend.

“Because I thought I had to prove to him that after nine years of marriage, and being eight months pregnant with our first (very much planned for) child, I could still be sexier than his girlfriend that I’d just found out about. I essentially rage-fucked him, I was so damn angry it was brutal, and when he finished (I sure didn’t enjoy it), I rolled over, threw up and then went in the shower and cried for half an hour.”

31. Because she said she wanted to rebel against her strict parents.

“She wanted to rebel against her strict parents. I asked her multiple times if she was sure, and when she said yes, I was just like ‘well alright then.’”

32. Because he used to make fun of me in high school when I was an ugly duckling.

“Because I tried to date him when we where in high school, he laughed at me at that time and told the entire school.

Came back 7 years later when I went from ugly duckling to quite cute big boobs girl, as if he did not bully me before.

Had sex, it was awful, he confessed a few days later that it was his first time and I confirmed that he needed to work on it. He hates me now.”

33. Because my friend was tired of him complaining about being a virgin.

“I slept with this guy as a favor to a mutual friend (my best friend) because she was tired of him complaining about being a virgin. He had no idea it was a set up. Then when I didn’t want to date him he decided I was an evil whore….even though I was clear from the start about not wanting a relationship. Now she can’t talk about me in his presence because he freaks out.

34. Because I wanted to stop a conversation that would lead to her finding out that I cheated.

“To stop a conversation that would lead to her finding out I cheated.

35. Because I didn’t feel like walking the three miles home from the bar.

“I once slept with a girl because the bar I met her at was much closer to her place (5 min walk) than it was to mine (3.5 miles).

36. Because he had a painting I liked hanging in his kitchen.

“I used to really like that melty clock picture by Dali, The Persistence of Memory. The guy had that picture hanging in his kitchen.”

37. Because she tried to hard to get with me that I let her blow me as a consolation prize.

“She put in so much effort trying to get with me that I let her blow me as a consolation prize. Felt shitty.”

38. Because he had cancer and I felt awful for him.

“I had sex with him because he had cancer and I felt awful for him because he was only 20 at the time. Turns out he’d faked the cancer and was also a murderer.”

39. Because I wanted to see if a deaf person sounded just as funny during sex as they do in normal conversation.

“I wanted to see if a deaf person sounded just as funny during sex as they do in normal conversation. Turns out she sounded perfectly normal during sex.”

40. Because I wanted to break up with her friend.

“I wanted to break up with a woman I was seeing, so I had sex with her friend.”

41. Because she had terminal cancer and didn’t want to die a virgin.

“Girl in college had terminal cancer and didn’t want to die a virgin. She was very nice though, RIP.”

42. Because he flopped his dick out. What else was I to do?

“Because he flopped his dick out. What else was I to do? I’m not rude. So I sucked the cum out. :o”

43. Because I wanted to cover up my gayness to my friends.

“I had sex with a girl to cover up my gayness to my friends.”

44. Because I was lonely and wanted to feel cared for.

“Because I was lonely and wanted to feel cared for.”

45. Because I hadn’t had any human contact in about five years.

“Being manic-depressive, having social anxiety, and being a combat vet I tend to avoid people. I had not had any human contact in about 5 years aside from the people I encounter at work….prison inmates. Hate to admit it but a friend of mine saw my advanced state of hermitude and convinced the cute lesbian at work to “help out a coworker”. She helped out a lot after about a 32 pack split between us.”

46. Because I needed to pay for a parking fine.

“To pay for a parking fine.”

47. Because I was homeless and didn’t feel like staying at the Salvation Army.

“Eleven years ago, I was homeless (evicted from apartment), 23, and didn’t feel like dealing with the bums at the Salvation Army.

Hooked up with this fat chick that went to the local State University I’d been sorta flirting with over Myspace…it worked for a month.

The sex was…eh.
Not only that I had to share an upper bunk of a dorm room bunk bed with her, not very comfortable either. God, I cant believe I went down on her…oh well, nobody is going to read this….BIG BOOTY HOOOOES!”

48. Because he said he had a weird-looking penis and I just HAD to see it.

“The guy was very nice. Not my type, but nice. He was lamenting about how he couldn’t find a nice girl because his penis looked weird. My ears perked up and I knew I HAD to see his dick. For science. So I initiated foreplay and he pulled it out. Wow! When he was a kid they botched his circumcision and it was half circumcised. It also didn’t grow properly so it was slightly stunted. Had all this weird scar tissue around it. Probably 4 inches hard, but it was longer on one side than the other? And he had HUGE TESTICLES. I mean HUGE.

Anyway, the guy is nice and the dick is…..interesting. so I consent. I kinda wanted to see what it would feel like, I figured the weird scar tissue would feel pretty good. Meh. it was okay, I guess. He lasted all of 25 seconds and pulled put to cum but HIS GIANT BALLS HELD THE HOLY GRAIL OF SEMEN. He must have cum 1/4th of a cup. All over my stomach. Now, jizz doesn’t make me queasy, I can swallow a load, no problem. But, seeing so much in one area made me gag. So I’m gagging, he’s trying to wipe me off, I haven’t orgasmed, and so after all that I ask him to eat me out. He has bragged about his skills, so why not? He gets really nervous and says he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t want to taste his dick that’s been in me. You for real?

So I got dressed, cleaned up, and he took me home. We kind of stopped talking after that. But he introduced me to World of Warcraft, so at least something good came from it.”

49. Because she called me a pussy and I wanted to prove I’m not a pussy.

“This girl kind of cornered me at a party in college. I tried to say I wasn’t interested because I’d just gotten out of a long relationship, but she knew that it had ended over a month prior (though I didn’t tell her, we’d only just met, and she was only visiting for a few days, so how did she know?).

When I seemed hesitant (read: disinterested), she said something like, ‘Wow, I didn’t think you were a pussy,’ and I was a drunk college student, so to prove I wasn’t a pussy, I kissed her. Because that makes sense, right?

Suddenly we’re back at my place—where she’d never been, yet she led me there. I said we could fool around, but I didn’t want to ‘go all the way’ my first time with her.

But after I convinced her to sit on my face and got her off that way, she just jumped onto my cock. No warning, no condom, just hopped right on almost immediately after she came.

I felt too awkward to stop her at that point, so I just went with it. It was actually really good sex overall, but I felt really weird about it.”

50. Because he was unattractive.

“Because he told me he didn’t get sex often because he was unattractive, which was true, he was unattractive, so I decided to toss him a bone as my way to send good karma into the universe.” Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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