You Didn’t Just Hurt Me, You Destroyed Me


@msmorganryan

You used to be the one person I could count on. The person who was supposed to take care of me.  The person I ran to with my secrets, someone I trusted with my heart and vulnerable emotions.

We were never perfect, but for some naive reason, I thought we were perfect together. I remember falling asleep in your arms, an episode of something on Netflix playing in the background. You’d kiss my forehead. I’d rest my head against your chest and feel safe for the first time in my life. I wanted to be with you always. I wanted this security always.

I never, for even a second, thought you’d be the one to destroy me.

There were no warning signs. No red flags. Just us. Just you, the man I adored. The man I would have moved mountains for had you asked. The man I let sleep in my bed and know me in intimate ways no one else had ever before.

Maybe I should have known better. Maybe there was something I missed. Something I couldn’t see because I was so enamored with your every bit. Maybe I was so in love that I turned a blind eye.

Your betrayal shook my foundation. Not just the foundation of us, but the foundation of everything I thought. All that I believed about love was up in the air. I wasn’t sure about anything. It wasn’t just about you. I was now questioning everything. 

When you cheated, you didn’t just break my heart. You also broke me.

You broke me into a new person. You broke me into someone who had so many questions and zero answers. You broke me into someone who needed comfort, but didn’t trust hands. You broke me into a grieving ex-girlfriend wanting to understand.

But I didn’t. I never understood why you did what you did. And maybe that’s okay.

When you hurt me, you destroyed me. You destroyed the girl you knew. The girl who put her needs second to yours. The girl who looked away when something wasn’t right. You destroyed her.

Thank you.

She needed to be destroyed. And as painful as it was, I learned who I could become. I learned being without you didn’t ruin me. Being without you was my rebirth. Being without you was my second chance.

I had to bury the girl you loved. She’s no longer who I am.

So, consider this my funeral for her. For the girl who didn’t ask for what she wanted. For the girl who thought she didn’t deserve much. For the girl who thought smiling politely was all she could ever do.

You broke her, broke me, but something new is emerging.

I’m not the girl you destroyed. That girl is dead.

The person I am is a woman. The person I am is a woman who would never even give you the time of day. She’s too busy. She’s got way too much going for her to bother with someone like you. TC mark

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