1. The “Ugh here we go again,” feeling when it starts. Nature’s constant reminder that you are a suffering woman of childbearing age. YAY!
2. The quiet relief that you are in fact a suffering woman of childbearing age who is not pregnant. Because even if you are not sexually active, the idea of a virgin Mary-styled birth crosses your mind even if you’re just a day late.
3. Cursing out everything related to womankind and feeling that one of the true injustices of society is that men will never understand this pain.
4. The I HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE feeling when you find all aspects of mankind abhorrent.
5. Waking up and wondering why society thinks it’s okay for anyone to have to be a productive member of society in this state.
6. The impatience you have for anyone who has the unfortunate encounter of asking you a question about anything.
7. But also wanting someone, preferably a significant other or someone cute to cuddle in bed with you forever.
8. If you’re in a relationship, finding every little thing your partner does incredibly annoying. And feeling like a complete jerk because they’re usually trying to make you feel better.
9. If you’re a single, declaring that no one will ever love you and you are destined to die alone.
10. Crying. Lots of crying about random things that you otherwise wouldn’t cry about. Videos depicting any form of human suffering are out of the question.
11. Struggle-texting your God-send friends a play-by-play of your mood swings: “I am homesick.” “I need some fries.” “Do you guys want to watch A Walk To Remember and have a good cry?”
12. Hearing a song about being heartbroken and whether you are or aren’t, you relate. Adele, I blame you for everything.
13. The desire to eat everything in sight including but not limited to: cookies, chocolate, salami, (even if you don’t usually eat red meat), etc.
14. Stressing out about everything possible. In fact, making up things to be stressed out about so you can vent about them. “My arches used to be higher. I hate how my feet are looking these days.” (Tip: Your feet are the same as the week before.)
15. Judging your body in the worst way possible and deciding that you are the most horrifying-looking creature known to man.
16. Alternating between being a rational-thinking human being who is in control of their feelings, and completely losing all grip of reality.
17. When people (see: mostly men) make quips about you PMSing and all you want to scream is, “YOU TRY BLEEDING FROM YOUR PRIVATE PARTS ONCE A MONTH FOR A GOOD PORTION OF YOUR LIFE AND SEE YOU HOW YOU LIKE IT!” But you just give them a death glare because this too shall pass.