Dear God, Thank You For Everything

I’m Done Blaming Myself For People Leaving

I’m done always thinking I’m to blame when people decide to leave.

I’m done holding the door open for people and wondering what I’ve done wrong instead of realizing it’s their loss.

I’m done trying to give people a reason to stay when in reality I shouldn’t want someone who doesn’t want to be here.

I’m done investing time and energy into people who just don’t care.

I’m done picking myself apart for people who only ever took everything I had to give and left once they realized I didn’t have more in me.

I’m done saying sorry to people who should be the one apologizing.

I’m done letting guilt eat away at me when I shouldn’t

I’m done fixating upon my flaws and trying to win people over when there are so many people who wouldn’t like me if I changed.

I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not simply to fit the mold of their expectations.

I’m done trying so hard for people who care so little.

I’m done waiting for people to come back when they shouldn’t have left in the first place.

I’m done staying up late at night and letting my past haunt me.

I’m done looking at pictures with regret when it’s them who should be feeling these things so heavily.

I’m done trying to find reasons why.

I’m slowly starting to accept maybe my destiny isn’t attached to people who don’t want to be here.

Maybe what I first think of as a loss is truly a gain in my life because if I’m losing someone who doesn’t care about making an effort to stay maybe someone who truly wants a spot in my life will get it.

I’m slowly starting to accept destiny has a little more to do with it than anything.

And as much as I’d love to think I have control of my life I’m slowly accepting there are factors that will never be within my control.

I’m done looking for an explanation or some grand closure when someone leaves.

The truth is now I’m at a point that if you don’t want to be here I’m not going to ask you to stay.

I’m not going to try and prove that I deserve you in my life.

I’m not going to try so hard. Because relationships aren’t supposed to be so difficult.

The easy relationships aren’t with the people who come and go like I have some revolving door policy.

The truth is if you want to be in my life you will always have a place.

You will always find me in the middle meeting you halfway.

But I’m slowly starting to realize those people I value more than myself, the people I try a little too hard for, the people I fear losing are usually the ones to go first.

I’m slowly starting to learn maybe it isn’t about letting go. Maybe it’s just about learning who isn’t holding onto me as tightly as I am them. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Writer living in Hoboken, NJ with my 2 dogs.

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