1. Makeup tutorials on YouTube terrify you. What? How did they make it do that? Where did their face go? How do they look like that now? How did they just make a “smokey eye” look so flawless in under 5 minutes?
2. The last time you attempted to do the smokey eye, it just looked like someone punched you in the face.
3. Sometimes people try to compliment you on the fact that you don’t wear makeup. “Good for you, having that much self-confidence!” It’s not that you’re ridiculously confident. It’s just that… you’re really lazy.
4. When you actually do wear makeup, you’re usually too tired to wipe it off at the end of the night so you just fall asleep with it all on and then wake up with raccoon eyes.
5. And then the next day people are like “Wow, makeup two days in a row, huh?” And you don’t have the heart to tell them that it’s just second-day makeup, so you just play along. “I know, right?!”
6. What the fuck is contouring? Sounds like a medieval torturing practice.
7. In your mind, putting on moisturizer counts as using makeup.
8. You’re insanely jealous of the part in Mulan where she takes off all her makeup in one swipe. It’s not FAIR. It’s not that easy. Disney LIED to you.
9. When you do put makeup on, some people will occasionally say something like “Well, you clean up nicely!” And unfortunately it’s considered rude for you to respond back with, “Shut up.”
10. Every once in a while you find a product – usually at the convenience store – that leads to you convincing yourself that perhaps makeup can be easy. Maybe this mascara or eyeliner will change everything and will make you actually want to wear makeup every day!
11. So you try it out for two days in a row and then you’re exhausted. It’s just not worth the extra twenty precious minutes of sleep you have to give up.
12. You do not understand the difference between foundation and coverup and powder and concealer and you never will. Your friends have tried to explain it to you a thousand times, but you usually get bored halfway through the lesson and just stop listening.
13. “You could be so much prettier if you wore makeup.” Thank you! Your personality would be so much better if it was completely different from the way it is now.
14. Nothing is worse than when you go to rub your eye and then you remember that for once you’re actually wearing makeup. And then a little speck of something black gets in your eye and you CAN’T FORGET ABOUT IT and then you spend the entire party, or wherever you’re at, looking like you’re having a stroke.
15. Sometimes people take your whole not-wearing-makeup-thing as a stance against society. It’s not. You think makeup is perfectly fine and have no problems with it whatsoever. Your issue comes when people make you feel like there’s something weird about the fact that you personally don’t wear it.
16. When you do your makeup yourself, you usually end up looking like Ursula from The Little Mermaid.
17. Lipstick, lipgloss, or any other terrifying lip concoction just baffles you. How does it stay on? What if you accidentally eat some? What do you do when you desperately want to eat a cheeseburger but you’re concerned about the lipstick getting all over that precious bun? These are the things that plague you.
18. If you’ve ever had your makeup professionally done, sometimes the makeup artist will attempt to explain to you what they’re doing and what they’re using. They’re usually very helpful and sweet, so you just nod politely and smile. But in your head you know you’re never going to remember and/or be able to carry out anything that they actually showed you.
19. You don’t care what people say – fake eyelashes are the most terrifying thing you’ve ever encountered.