You are not embarrassed by…well…anything. You speak in “text speak” out loud (ex: saying v. v. instead of very) and have very strong opinions about everything from the best thing to drink before 10 AM (uhhhh nothing darker than a pilsner, thx) to how to perfectly emphasize important emotions in writing (lots of parenthetical statements and ALL CAPITOL LETTERZ). You’re also not very good at letting things go. Whatever – you’re working on it. (No you’re not.)
Let’s be honest: you’re probably a witch.
You are smarter than everyone around you and tbqh, you know it. You probably have an aromatherapy candle blazing right now and a tarot deck somewhere in your apartment just waiiiiiiting for you to bust it out to give your friends a reading. Your aesthetic is a healthy mix of poetry and comedy, and it’s honestly impressive just how you pull it off.
You’ve definitely posted an Instagram of a very serene landscape with a quote by an obscure poet as the caption. You are ahead of the trends and were wearing criss-cross-in-the-front bras before one of the Hadid sisters made it cool. People are drawn to you, even people who don’t know WHY they are. I bet you get stared at a lot when you walk down the street.
You do not care what annnyyyyyone thinks about you — you just do you. You are efficient, prolific, and are generally a go-getter. That being said, you know how to throw down and have a good time. You are the type of person who is usually more of an observer, but then you’ll come out of absolutely nowhere and say something ridiculously hilarious. You’re always there for a good sex pun. You will make a really good mom or (at least) a cool aunt someday.
You’re going through a breakup. You have a lot of feelings and just don’t know where to put them all. You absolutely cried at that gum commercial with the Elvis Presley cover in it. You’re probably getting a little misty thinking about that commercial NOW. But no one would ever call you “too much” because your sweetness is totally authentic, and you just want to give everyone a hug. Yeah…you’re DEFINITELY a hugger.
You probably have a John Green quote or an infinity symbol tattooed on your ribs. You’re the type of person who highlights quotes that stand out to you in books and journals in a moleskin for fun. You believe in the power of a 2 AM heart to heart, and probably say that the time you spent studying abroad changed your life. One of your personal goals is to be the living embodiment of a “be your best self” poster…and you’re well on your way.
You don’t really know who you are yet, but that’s totally fine! When you were in elementary school you probably wrote down at least six careers that you wanted to have because you just couldn’t decide. You’ve definitely gotten into a heated debate about politics or even just the necessity of “please and thank you” with a complete stranger. You will probably end up in charge of everyone someday.
You’ve been through some shiiiiiit, but you’re stronger because of it. You aren’t afraid to speak your mind, and you are fiercely protective of your friends and family. You believe in being a multi-dimensional person and don’t let yourself be limited by societal pressures put on you, or because of outside opinions. But, despite this, you still embarrass yourself preeeeetty regularly because you just say whatever random thing pops into your head. It’s okay though; you’re still awesome.
You are kind of stubborn, very politically inclined, and believe that there is a right and wrong way to do everything. But, you are absolutely fair. You’re kind of the walking embodiment of being a devil’s advocate. You are smart, concise, and able to look at most things objectively. You’re definitely someone’s emergency contact.
You’re horny. Really fucking horny.
Everyone thinks they’ve got you all figured out but really, they have no clue. You’re like The Witch in Into the Woods — you’re not good you’re not nice you’re just right. And you’re totes fine with it. (You’re also pretty annoyed about someone seriously writing the word ‘totes’.)
Your favorite word is “stardust” and you have twinkle lights wrapped around your headboard. You’re the best person to call during an emotional crisis.
You’re funny as hell and laugh your ass off at yourself at least once a day. You’re basically the next Amy Poehler — good for you. You can quote your favorite TV shows and movies from start to finish, and will do it whether anyone knows what you’re talking about or not. Your favorite snapchat is the “I’m pooping” snapchat you send your friends every morning even though they hate you for it. You think “my life is joke” quiiiiiite often.
You are elusive AF and no one can quite figure you out. Seriously…they’ve tried Googling you and gotten nothing. HOW?!
You’ve been called “trouble” or a “wild child” at least once (or twice…or more) in your life. But to be honest? You don’t give a shit. You own at least two corsets. If someone looks at you the wrong way on the subway you have no problem giving them a big ol’ middle finger. You’ve definitely thrown a drink in your day.
You 100% have your MBTI in your Tinder profile and you feel both offended and super excited when someone asks you what it means because then you get to/have to explain it to them. You send “just because” presents to your friends and family on random Mondays. You defs sit in the front of the taxi or Uber and find out all about the driver’s personal life and give them advice alllllll the time.
You tell all of your friends about the benefits of green tea and minimalism whenever you can. You discovered the “sparking joy” trend before everyone else. You’re obsessed with people’s energies and have at least one air plant in your apartment. You’ve definitely gone to a spoken word show by yourself even though you didn’t know any of the poets performing. Now you’re searching spoken word shows because that sounds like a good time tbh.
You definitely identify as a Charlotte. You probably wear pearls, always make your bed, and have whimsical throw pillows all around your apartment. You wear an apron every time you cook and believe there is no such thing as a bad cookie. You are so genuinely nice it hurts.
You have four email addresses. You gave copies of Lean In and The Entrepreneur Mind to absolutely everyone for Christmas. You know what time it is EVERYWHERE in the US without having to look it up. You have a near perfect Uber rating.
You were obsessed with the original CSI when it came out in 2000. It’s pretty hard to gross you out. You secretly really want to retake AP bio so you can dissect things, and even though you feel really torn about it you would probably jump at the opportunity to go to Death Row. You aren’t afraid of ghosts, ghosts are afraid of you. You thought this last season of Horror Story was tame and they could have gone further.
You’re probably reading this from a coffee shop that you went to for the wifi because your hippie commune doesn’t allow it because of the “vibes”. You’re definitely polyamorous and no, no one cares about how it’s “a more natural way to live”.
Your dating profile is somehow more aesthetically pleasing than everyone’s Instagram. Beyoncé would ask you where you got that jacket or those jeans.
You could write a six sentence story that would have the entire world crying and holding their chest because of the ~*feelings*~. A lot of people have internet crushes on you. Your hat game is most definitely on point.
You are the cool girl, you just are. You aren’t afraid of ordering fries at dinner or eating a milkshake just because. You somehow look really hot in a baseball cap, but also would turn every head in a ballgown. You know all of the lyrics to “Redneck Woman” but also wouldn’t turn down going to a jazz club. You would make an outstanding Bachelorette.
If Kendra Syrdal is your favorite writer, you’re a trash person and you need to make an appointment with your therapist immediately.