Kelly Catchpole

Articles by
Kelly Catchpole

The 5 Stages of Finding Out Someone Hates You

Consider that maybe they were right about you, or maybe they were wrong, or maybe, just maybe, the universe aligned such that their particular personality and yours will clash throughout the ages.

I Am A Cyclist, And I Am Here To Fuck You Up

I am riding a hill slower than you would like me to. I am taking a second to gain momentum at the stop sign. I am doing all of this on purpose, to make you hit me, so you will be late again and it will be my fault.

40 Things Everyone But You Is Doing This Summer

Eating corn on the cob and getting nothing in their teeth at all. Not even having to check that there is corn on the cob in their teeth. Knowing that theirs is a cornless smile. Being confident in a cornless smile.

My Life Is Perfect, And I Will Not Apologize For It

Never in the course of human history has there been a group so reviled as mine: we, the lucky, the shining, are forced to hide our flawless, exceptional natures! In the era of the narcissism of the unworthy, we hide in the shadows of a great swell of dull, odorous, unpleasant individuals believing that their opinions and experiences are as valid as our own.