21 Ways To Fake Having Your Shit Together

1. Drink designer, bottled mineral water. The harder the brand name is to pronounce, the stronger the illusion you know what you’re doing with your life.

2. Use a planner. You donโ€™t even have to really write in it, but if you can confidently and honestly say the words โ€œLet me see if I can (literally) pencil you in,โ€ nobody will ever doubt you again.

3. Sleep in pajama sets.

4. Pull your comforter over your messy sheets so that it looks like you actually managed to make your bed.

5. Own a coffee table book. Preferably one about palace gardens.

6. Hang up to-do notes on your fridge of things youโ€™ve already accomplished and cross them off.

7. Prop a yoga mat up against your dresser.

8. Own an iron. Even though you just use your hair straightener at the last minute when you realize how obvious the creases in your top are, owning an iron looks like you at least have minimal domestic capabilities.

9. Read The Daily Beastโ€™s Cheat Sheet or get The Skimm emailed to your inbox every morning, so that you gather a gist of what’s going on in the world. But only refer to the sources of your news knowledge as โ€œthis article you read.โ€

10. Play classical music (the Harry Potter soundtrack works).

11. Own a phone that doesnโ€™t have a cracked screen.

12. Create a personalized email sign off with a list of your accomplishments.

13. Match your underwear and bra.

14. Drink wine out of a real wine glass instead of a mug.

15. Own stationery. An elegant fountain pen is a plus.

16. Read a book in public placesโ€”preferably a beaten up, softcover copy of something like Franny and Zooey. 100 bonus points if you do so wearing glasses and a scarf.

17. Put spices and herbs into trendy mason jars. Sure, they wonโ€™t go well with the cereal you definitely eat almost every night out of a paper bowl, but think of the **aesthetic.**

18. Actually, even if you just own herbs and can identify them, youโ€™re already impressive.

19. Place some throw pillows on your couch. Avoid cushions with pom pom fringe.

20. Have at least one decorative bowl in your house filled with lemons.

21. At minimum, one potted plant (like a fern) or succulent should sit daintily on your windowsill. TC mark


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