“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I’m not living.” — Jonathan Safran Foer
Life scares me. My future terrifies me. My present is a routine.
I envisioned a life ahead of me and get frustrated that I couldn’t get to that point of my life right away. I have been feeling that the days ahead of me will be nothing compared to what I have thought of, and the days I am living now are a routine — nothing more, nothing less.
I have composed plans about my future that I feel like I am tightening every day of my life. For a moment, I forgot to live. I forgot to enjoy the littlest of things. I forgot to take care of myself because I have been beating myself up to achieve something instantly.
I am too afraid to take a step that might lead me to a wrong path from the timeline I created for myself. Living my life to fulfill the deadlines I have for myself is stressful.
But one day it hit me: these deadlines I have created will be the death of my happiness. I want to live life with no regrets and to take a leap of faith and trust that the Lord has set my future as it should be.
I know that I am not the only one who is scared of the future, but isn’t it scarier to forget the now because we are too occupied with the thoughts of setting our future the way we want it to be? I have come to realize that acceptance will be my best friend and that things don’t happen in an instant.
I want to stop myself from contemplating about what will be and start living with what already is. I have to stop overthinking, and I have to accept that not everything will go as I want it to.
Stop treating your life as if it is a race. You do not need to get that house you’ve been eyeing at 27. You do not need to buy that car before you turn 30. You do not need to get married just because all your other friends are. Take your time. In the end, everything that matters will be yours and everything you have ever dreamt of will be achieved. Trust the timing of your life — trust the Lord’s timing.
The future that we have imagined will be greater if we start living our lives now.