Kara Nesvig

When I’m at the near-end of a long-ass retail shift, only a swipe of really bright red lipstick will cure me. It lights up my whole face; my eyes look bluer, my hair shinier.

3. Please, don’t sing “Say My Name” or Spice Girls in a group of girls and just giggle drunkenly through the entire thing. Nobody likes you when you do this.

She hauls in a bag or two full of sparkles and spangles and fringe, tiny outfits and brightly colored thongs that are just strips of fabric, no substance.

It’s an event when an unknown car drives through town. Who could it be?

The bigger and burlier the man, the more he melts when he smells a candy-sweet perfume.

When I say cult products, I don’t mean things used in the Heaven’s Gate dorm room. I mean beauty products that have a rabid, devoted, loyal following. They’re best-sellers, beloved favorites, eternal stars.

I had high hopes for Lifetime’s adaptation of “Flowers,” because any adaptation is better than the horrible, godawful 1987 version.

“The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.”

This means you are an adult. This also means you don’t have the eyesore of an overflowing laundry basket in the corner of your room.

No boy who’s ever been on the receiving end of a bikini photo has ever made a comment.

DELTA IS NOT GIVING YOU A FREE FLIGHT BECAUSE YOU POST A PICTURE. THAT IS NOT HOW LIFE WORKS.

The New Year will not be perfect, but we’ll have each other.

WARNING: “Love Actually” is NOT on this list. I don’t like that movie.

You have a crew of “mall friends” and you hook each other up when you can.

If you add this nail-world favorite to any polish, it will shine bright like a diamond. Just trust me.

Britney’s perfumes account for 34% of all celebrity perfume sales.

Not just any boyfriend, Santa. I want a boyfriend who will drive me 15 miles to a specific grocery store so I can buy my favorite brand of white cheddar popcorn, then not be disgusted when I eat the whole bag in one sitting.

Get used to your hair texture. You really can’t change it, and chances are someone out there is super jealous of it.