1. You’re counting the days until the Zumba craze finally subsides, because honestly, are they trying to kill you.
2. People think you’re really good at dancing horribly on purpose, but you know that that dancing is just you trying your best.
3. Dance crazes like Gangnam Style or the Soulja Boy were your own personal hell because you couldn’t stand in the back and fake it without everyone noticing that you have no idea what you’re doing.
4. People are always trying to give you tips on how to dance, and you need to figure out a polite way to say, “Your effort is honorable, but literally a waste of time.”
5. The Dance Dance Revolution phase that all of your friends went through meant that you “had a cold and couldn’t hang out” for a solid two years.
6. Sometimes you dance alone in your apartment, and start building up your confidence that you’re actually not as bad as you thought! And then you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, and sit in shame for an hour.
7. Dancing in general = impossible. Dancing in heels = LOLOLOLOLOL NO.
8. School dances were giant cesspools of anxiety. Oh god, don’t ask me to dance. I don’t even know what’s happening. Why is everyone dancing like that? I think I’ll hide behind the bleachers for the remaining three hours…
9. Weddings = adult equivalent of a school dance. You better be good at small talk, so you can avoid the dance floor by chatting up the bride’s grandmother.
10. You’ve been dreading your own wedding since the day you learned to walk, because not only will you have to dance, but everyone will be watching you. Maybe instead of a dance floor, you’ll hire a travelling theater troupe to perform A Midsummer’s Night Dream during your entire reception.
11. Whenever you watch the Footloose montage where Ren teaches Willard how to dance, you laugh at how completely false all of that noise is.
12. You constantly have to try and make the robot and scuba diver dances look cool, so that people think you’re doing them to be funny, and not because you just can’t do anything else.
13. You trip over nothing so often that people are starting to think that you’re just trying to be quirky.
14. Whenever you go out to a club with your friends, you must have easy access to alcohol at all times, or else you’re going to be that one person swaying awkwardly back and forth for an hour.
15. Whenever people invite you to join their sports team (basketball, soccer, pretty much anything that requires any type of coordination), you have to go to great lengths to convince them that really, they don’t want you on their team. They would be better off with a blind, peg-legged monkey on their team.