Let me toss out a scenario and then we are all going to sit around and think about how fucked up it is:
Earlier I was having some hawt, na$ty sex with my new beau and at first I was like “this is so awesome” and then I was like “wow he is probably using me.”
Because apparently, no matter how much he tells me to the contrary, every time we have good sex I think he is going to dump me. Or, more accurately, lead me on until he’s bored of the sex and then dump me. There is a little Charlotte York sitting on my shoulder telling me guys lose respect for girls who enjoy sex. Like, they are the person you have fun with before you find a nice, respectable girl to marry.
Why, why, why in the world would I be getting insecure that good sex is making my relationship LESS secure? Maybe it gives him a motive to lead me on, to continue with it even if he’s not interested in moving forward anymore. Maybe he hasn’t dated someone who is excited about sex before (I know lots of girls like this–and lots of guys who date girls like this) and just wants to see what it’s like. But isn’t good sex one of many qualities that would make you happy in a marriage? I don’t know why my dumb little brain is counting it as a con instead of a pro.
There are a lot of other parts to our relationship. We talk about the future, about things we suck at, about whether it’s a good idea to have farm subsidies, about a lot of things that aren’t at all sexy. (Well, maybe listening to someone have an opinion on farm subsidies is a little bit sexy). But the dirty, na$ty sex is worrisome. I just don’t think guys really believe you can be sexual without being stupid or slutty. And, if you are a certain way with them, that you are the same way with every boy.
Do I really have to have this conversation with him inside my head all the time:
You are special, you dumb idiot. Stop thinking about it in such broad terms. Don’t think about Madonna vs. the whore.
I deserve consideration as a singular person and not a stereotype or a person with homogenous feelings and reactions towards every male on the planet. Forget what they told you about not being able to have your cake and eat it too, it’s causing you to settle, when you could have me.