How To Survive A Bad Haircut

When it comes to my hair, I’ve tried a lot of different things. Christened a “dirty blonde,” I’ve always tried to rock the color with lots of different styles. I’ve done the classic “Rachel,” had bangs, grown them out, and then cut them again, and even tried that Victoria Beckham super-short-in-the-back-and-longer-in-the-front look.

I recently had my hair cut for the first time in six months. I envisioned a long-layered face frame and trimmed bangs, and explained it in basic terms without a care in the world. For the first time, I walked out disappointed. In my desperation, I looked to the internet for advice about what to do when your haircut makes you look like one of the aliens from Galaxy Quest. What I found was a collection of annoying optimistic tips, to which I had much more realistic responses.

1. Hate it? Say something! Most hairdressers want to make you happy, they should try to amend the situation.

For starters, I love my hairdresser. I’ve been loyal to her for years. Not to mention the fact that I’m an incredibly non-confrontational person, so this one’s a no. Besides, I didn’t completely realize just how short and uneven my bangs were until I got home, so….

2. Didn’t realize how bad the cut is until you got home? Go back right away and say something.

Shoot, it’s already been five hours. The “right away” period is over. This is not at all an excuse to avoid confrontation.

3. Okay, give in to the breakdown. Let yourself cry/scream/curse for a little while.

I’m really, really good at this step.

4. Get ahold of yourself. You can’t actually change the situation.

I’m not as good at this step. I’m choosing instead to whine to my friends, family, and long hair-loving boyfriend about my devastating situation. My boyfriend’s response, offering to follow suit and style his hair as another Galaxy Quest character, is tempting.

5. Maybe it’s not as bad as you think! Wash and style your hair on your own, everyone’s hair always looks a little different right after a cut and blow dry.

Agreed, my hair always looks different than normal leaving the hairdresser, as in it actually has volume because she teases the roots so my hair looks like something other than a helmet.

However, I have just showered and realized that my bangs are SO short, that after rinsing all my hair back and stepping out of the shower, the bangs stick straight up. I now decide that I look like Alfalfa from The Little Rascals. In looking up Alfalfa images, I realize that Bug Hall, the actor who played this iconic character, was in that Get a Clue movie on Disney Channel with Lindsay Lohan, and in Honey We Shrunk Ourselves with Rick Moranis. Mind blown. This serves as a momentary distraction from the tragedy that is my head. Alright, back to my Alfalfa hair. Pause to attack with blow dryer.

Unfortunately, my hair is still awkwardly hitting my shoulders and flipping out in every direction. Shocker.

6. Avoid blasting your hair with heat, like blow dryers or straighteners. If you want your hair to grow, it’s best to keep it healthy! If you can’t resist, always use a heat protecting serum.

WHY DIDN’T I SEE THIS BEFORE STYLING?! Okay, in the future, I’ll just air dry.

7. Take prenatal vitamins. They tend to make your hair and nails grow more quickly.

I cannot believe I’m seriously considering this.

8. Wear a hat.

Seeing as it’s the middle of June, I am not at a baseball game or a beach, and am not, in fact, Lady Gaga: No.

9. Still feel like your head got caught in a weed whacker? Try styling with headbands, bobby pins, or even glitter hair gel!

Weed whacker, yes. Glitter hair gel? Um, no. And headbands make me look like a five-year-old. Oh wait, this step was found on a website for children. Do children really worry this much about their hair? My guess is no since they can get away with glittery hair gel.

10. When all else fails, smile! Do your best to rock that hair. Maybe your dazzling pearly whites will distract everyone from your hair!

Shoot, I’ve been meaning to use those whitestrip things on my teeth. Are my teeth white enough? Why haven’t I been using that mouthwash?

11. Remember, hair grows!

Finally, some solid advice. At the very least, this should help with step number ten. TC mark

 

image – Pinga Amor

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  • http://www.facebook.com/andrea.lynema Andrea Lynema

    Hilariously written.

    • http://twitter.com/mitzyredmango Mitzy (@mitzyredmango)

      Very funny indeed.

  • http://www.itmakesmestronger.com/2012/06/how-to-survive-a-bad-haircut/ Only L<3Ve @ ItMakesMeStronger.com

    […] Thought Catalog » Life Add a comment Okay, so in response to some reader requests for an equally-as-judgmental comparison of women to wine, I did some field research and have come up with the following analysis. Though I’m no seasoned lez, I still have a va-jay (and I’m positive we’re all bi) so I feel pretty comfortable with the topic (of wine.) Additionally, I have my guy roommates sitting in the room with me. So, blame them. […]

  • nick

    when my bangs were cut to short and I had to talk to people I would raise my eye brows slightly so my bangs appeared longer. No clue if I really fooled anyone though.

    • H

      Hahahahahaha

  • http://www.facebook.com/nightmariel Nightmariel Wade

    girl, i feel this. also, bug hall. yes.

  • http://twitter.com/mexifrida FC

    did the same thing with bug hall

  • http://letmychildrenreadblogs.wordpress.com Pat Finn

    a bad haircut can truly devastate my self esteem for several days, and i’m pretty sure no one even pays attention to my hair, which is usually less than two inches long and styled in a neutral manner. i can’t even imagine how difficult bad haircuts must be for women.

  • Mon

    Just had the worst haircut in my life after waiting a year out of fear…. basically i’ve been sporting the messy bun for the last week and praying every night for my hair to grow

  • http://gravatar.com/misssnarky misssnarky

    I’ve learned to own my hair no matter what. Early this year I cut some great diagonal bangs that finally achieved the look I wanted, since my hairdresser was apparently afraid I didn’t know what the word diagonal meant. They looked awesome, but were slightly uneven, as I had just hacked them off in my bathroom with whatever scissors I could find. I decided to “touch them up” the next day which was the worst decision ever. I finally got the line perfectly straight a good half inch farther up my forehead than anyone’s bangs have a right to be. So I had to walk around with one side of my bangs halfway up my forehead and the other barely grazing one eyebrow for a few weeks, but I pretended like I had stupid bangs on purpose, and made it work. It’s just hair, it will grow, and looking a bit weird isn’t the worst thing in the world.

    • EA

      I love you.

  • Jess

    take biotin. Seriously. Biotin will make your hair grow, it’s at walmart and other drug stores. Cold water on your hair, etc. embrace pony tails and bump your bangs….look on pinterest for ideas. I had shoulder length hair and went in for choppy layers and ended up with chin length hair. I was devastated. You should also probably change your wardrobe if you went from long to short hair. Sounds weird, but some outfits just look weird with short hair…idk how to explain it, but just consider it a reason to blow more money!

  • http://bipolartaste.wordpress.com Laura

    There’s always clip on bangs and wigs! :) Fake hair to the rescue!

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