4. my vagina looked as if it had been in a pub brawl
“I’ve been fighting a lifelong losing battle to control the hair on my legs, as well as my pubes. They grow like grass in summer.
I’d waxed for years, but it was so expensive and painful, frankly I got sick of shelling out a hundred bucks a month on having my body hair ripped out.
Hence, I started using an epilator on my legs and hair removal cream on my pubes, both worked equally effectively.
One evening, I was trying out a new brand of cream that had been on special at the supermarket and I’d just assumed that it would have the same processing time, so I didn’t read the instructions. I slathered the cream all over my vagina and along my bikini line to my bum….
I started to get an insane tingle between my legs and up my bum….I knew that I had to get the cream off immediately….I grabbed the plastic hair removal implement. On first swipe, I knew something was wrong, because it hurt too much to use it. Then it literally started to burn. I jumped into the shower and ended up just using my hands so I could get it off as quickly as possible.
While I got the desired all-over-hairless result, my vagina looked as if it had been in a pub brawl. It was all bright red, swollen, and sore. The skin was all raised up and pimply like a plucked chicken.”
—Name Withheld
5. I had bruises on my thighs, inner thighs, and bikini area
“I went to a salon I had used before that I liked because it was cheaper than most. I was living in New York at the time, and, as a grad student, any dollar saved was a dollar I could spend on food or my favorite vice: coffee. The girl there was a new face. I didn’t know it then, but it turns out she was newly hired and had never waxed someone else before. Too bad I didn’t know that until much later. She spread long strips of wax on my bikini and upper legs since I usually wax both together. Then the torture began. Apparently, this woman used the wrong type of wax, and it wouldn’t come off. She applied more wax and tried again…and again and again. It wouldn’t come off right, and while she pulled the strips of paper, she pulled my skin with it, too, totally missing the hairs, mind you. It got to a point where she had to call her boss into the room. The look on her face when she realized what her employee had done told me everything I needed to know about the situation. I was most definitely f*cked. After apologizing profusely and explaining how the wax that was currently covering and cooling on my skin wasn’t used for waxing legs, arms, and underarms, let alone bikinis, she left the room to get a new wax that she coated over the other one. When she pulled the strips of this wax, the other one came off, too. Needless to say, it hurt, and the damage was already done. I had bruises on my thighs, inner thighs, and bikini area. The woman then proceeded to finish the waxing and apologized again. At least she didn’t charge me one cent for the ‘service.’ I, however, can’t say I ever went back to that salon again.”
—Lupita