1. You put on your ‘best face’ for him.
Even though you have a boyfriend or a husband (or hell, girl, both), you spruce up your appearance whenever you know you’re going to see your so-called “platonic” guy friend. You start working out, losing weight, buying expensive clothes, getting your hair done, and making sure you look absolutely stunning when he sees you because, y’know…you’re “just friends.”
2. You start hiding your friendship from your significant other.
You wouldn’t want your SO getting all jealous about your friendship, so you conveniently “forget” to tell him that the two of you had lunch together today or that sometimes at night when your SO is asleep next to you in bed the two of you text for hours because, again, you don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about what’s really going on.
3. You start lying about your friendship to your significant other.
If your husband or boyfriend starts sniffing around and getting suspicious and probing for details about the nature of your “friendship,” you tell him little white lies because, c’mon, you care about his feelings and don’t want to hurt him and really don’t feel like arguing right now anyway.
4. He’s the first person you share news with.
Whether it’s a job promotion, a medical problem, a family dispute, you find that you run to your “friend” and tell him before you tell your boyfriend or your best girlfriends.
5. You share secrets with him…and only him.
You tell him secrets about your past, about your hidden desires, and about your darkest fears that you’ve never bothered to share with your significant other. In several meaningful ways you are more emotionally intimate with this guy than you are with your significant other.
6. You complain about your SO to him.
Can you believe that asshole forgot my birthday again this year? That’s two years in a row! And he’s put on 25 pounds since you first started going out, and he doesn’t even seem to care. And to be honest, he never really was that good in bed, and when he tries to kiss you he jams his tongue down your throat like he’s trying to choke you to death.
7. You start comparing him favorably to your SO.
Well, to be honest, you’ve always had a thing for tall guys, and your friend is a half-foot taller than your boyfriend. And I’m sure he doesn’t snore like your boyfriend does. And he has better teeth. And is funnier. And is probably better in bed.
8. He “gets” you.
In all the hours you’ve talked and texted and Skyped, never for a second did you feel that he didn’t understand what you were saying or trying to express emotionally. Sometimes it’s like you’re both thinking the same thing at the same time and don’t even have to say anything! Whereas with your boyfriend or husband, a lot of times he doesn’t even understand even when you explain it a thousand times.
9. You find yourself reassuring others (and yourself) that you and he are just “best friends” more often than you used to.
Well, sure, the two of you may openly flirt and seem extremely fond of one another, but that’s what friends are for, and it’s all just a bit of playful fun and even though it seems to everyone around you that the two of you are falling head over heels in love, that’s silly because you’re only friends and no one else could ever really understand your friendship—yeah, right!
10. You feel guilty about your “friendship.”
That’s why you delete his texts and Facebook messages and have a secret folder for the pictures he sends you. Even though you keep trying to convince yourself that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doing because you haven’t had sex and haven’t even suggested it to one another, you know that you’d flip the hell out if you found your boyfriend having a relationship like this with a girl he insists is “just a friend.”
11. You feel more alive when you think about him.
Definitely more alive than when you think about your boyfriend or husband. You get tingles just waiting for his next message. He’s the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think about when you fall asleep. Sure, you love your boyfriend—kind of—but that all feels too bland and old and familiar. Your boyfriend just doesn’t excite you like this “friend” on the side does.
12. You dream about him.
And not just daydreaming—you have long, colorful, epic romantic dreams where the two of you are alone and happy and butterflies flap their wings around your heads and all’s right with the world and there will be no more hatred or war or misunderstandings. Girl, it’s time to check yourself. This is more than a friendship—you’re in love.