Thought Catalog

10 Women Tell Us How They Really Feel About Tiny Penises

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Shutterstock / llaszlo
Shutterstock / llaszlo

1. I MAKE FUN OF THEM

“I make fun of them. Who doesn’t? Small penises are hilarious! They’re a punchline all their own: Just say ‘small penis’ in front of a group of women, and they’ll all burst out laughing, because they’ve all known that one guy with a dick the size of a finger.”

—Tessa, 31

2. If I had a vagina the size of a parking garage, I’d be uptight, too

“I had a boyfriend who was less than blessed in the genitalia department. He was very uptight about it, and I tried to reassure him not to be uptight about it, but in all honesty, he should have been uptight about it. If I had a vagina the size of a parking garage, I’d be uptight, too. People can talk all they want about body acceptance or whatever, but unless you have bad eyesight or are some kind of Goddess or Adonis, everyone has issues with their appearance. I did make fun of it, but only behind his back. So I guess that only makes me half a bitch.”

—Jess, 26

3. I CAN FORGIVE A SMALL DICK, BUT A MAN HAS TO HAVE BALLS

“Did you ever hear this joke about this woman and a man with a tiny penis were having sex for the first time and when he whipped it out the woman said, ‘Who are you going to satisfy with that thing?’ And the guy replies, ‘Me!’ I would fuck that guy, no joke. He has a good attitude. I can forgive a small dick, but to please me, a man has to have balls!”

—Amie, 24

4. TAPE MEASURES DON’T LIE

“I guess I don’t really care. They can call me ugly, but that’s just a matter of opinion, you know? But tape measures don’t lie. You can prove someone has a small dick.”

—Rhonda, 29

5. SMALL DICKS ARE ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING

“I’ve been with I think three guys who were severely undersized. I mean, we’re talking Tom Thumb if you know what I’m saying. Not only was it pitiful, but it was really gross. I tried explaining this to a guy with a rather large penis—about how small dicks are absolutely disgusting—and he thought that was funny. He said he could see how someone could laugh at it and think it’s funny, but he didn’t understand they’re revolting to even think about. Small weenies—ew!”

—Bailey, 22

6. Making fun of a man’s small penis is the easiest way to destroy him forever

“What’s that saying about tits—‘Anything more than a mouthful is wasted’? Well, the opposite applies to cocks. Anything smaller than a mouthful is not going into any of my holes. Making fun of a man’s small penis is the easiest way in the world to destroy a man forever, and what girl doesn’t love doing that?”

—Kelley, 33

7. IT’S THEIR TURN FOR SOME BODY SHAMING

“I feel like throwing up, that’s how I feel. I don’t care—it’s their turn for body shaming! I guess it’s mean, but mean girls rule! Hit him where it hurts! I mean, you have to aim very carefully to hit him where it hurts because it’s so tiny, but hit him there anyway…lol!”

—Janet, 24

8. I FEEL SORRY FOR him

“A long time ago I was with a man and let’s just say that in the chess game of life, this guy was a mere pawn—not a knight or a rook, and definitely not a king. Not only wasn’t he packing a suitcase, he hardly had an overnight bag, if you catch my drift. And I think he accidentally caught the look of disappointment/surprise on my face when I first saw him naked, and I could tell it cut him to the bone. I’m sure this was a lifelong pain for him. We wound up just kissing. I mean, I can’t imagine being with a man if he has a child-sized penis. But neither can I imagine being cruel to a guy just because Mother Nature already played a cruel trick on him.”

—Vicki, 28

9. It’s like fart jokeS for immature adult women

“I absolutely mock the living fuck out of guys with small dicks, no apologies, no questions asked, period. You know how immature kids think fart jokes are funny? Well, small-dick jokes are like fart jokes for immature adult women. They may be gross, they may be insensitive, but for a certain group of people, they will always be funny.”

—Mona, 24

10. Social media empowers women

“I fuck a guy with a tiny cock who turns out doing me wrong in some way or another, I will fucking mega-blast my iPhone cache of pictures of his pathetic baby unicorn dick all across the Internet until he moves to a new country under a new identity.”

—Dani, 26 TC mark

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