A companion to 10 Things A Modern Guy Does That Make Him A Straight-Up ‘Fairytale’ Boyfriend because yes, obviously these qualities should extend to both men and women.
1. She tells you what’s wrong. There’s nothing so frustrating as someone who cares about their girlfriend than hearing “I’m fine” when you know she’s not. Adults talk about their feelings and the fact that a girl can’t is a huge red flag about her long term potential. Healthy relationships require communication, and it’s only going to get more important as you get more serious.
2. She keeps her independence. I don’t want to be ultimately responsible for your happiness in life and most guys I know don’t want to be either. When you start dating someone, you should retain your autonomy and continue to be your own person. Don’t drop your hobbies, don’t drop your friends. Making your life work with someone is a lot more exciting than someone who drops everything to be with you.
3. She’s not in it for a ring. Or for kids for that matter. Men fear being used as a means to an end by a woman who wants to be married (to anyone who meets some checklist) and have kids and as soon as those things happen, she stops trying in the relationship. She stops loving her dude and making him a priority. A girl who makes it clear those things are great with the right person — but that the person himself is the goal, not what he can give you.
4. She’s enthusiastic. In a lot of relationships, men can do the bulk of the heavy lifting. They start (and carry) conversations. They initiate (and do more physical work during) sex. We just want a girl who acts like she wants to be in this as much as we do.
5. She can admit when she’s just having a bad day. Everyone gets stressed out and is unpleasant to deal with at certain times. The most attractive kind of partner is the one who can acknowledge this, take space/deal with the issue, and move on. The least attractive kind gets defensive and mean and doubles down into the bad mood. A good rule of thumb: if you’re saying mean things to someone you love, you need to exit and evaluate the situation.
6. She treats the people in her life well. When she shit talks and gossips about her friends constantly, you know she’s doing the same thing to you when she’s with them.
7. She doesn’t let things bottle up. When there’s something wrong in her life or in the relationship, she talks to you about it. She’s not passive-aggressive and she’s not avoidant. You guys can address problems when they come up and not wait around for a big fall out.
8. Similarly: when you’ve hashed someone out, she moves on. She doesn’t bring the same incident up in every single fight.
9. She has a positive outlook on life. No one wants to be with someone who is constantly playing the victim. Someone who is happy makes everyone around them happier (and worse, someone who is negative makes everyone around them unhappier).
10. She doesn’t look at her phone while you’re talking to her. She isn’t bored by you. She’s actively interested in what you have to say — or, at least is protective of your feelings enough to not be scrolling Facebook while hearing about your day.