There’s a difference between girls you date and girls you’re happy to hook up with but keep it on a friendship level. They have something extra that makes all the drama and work that relationships can be worth it. Here are a few things that come to mind.
1. They are fun to be around. This seems like a given, but when you’re dating some people they can make it too much about the chase. Where are you going to take them for dinner that will impress them (and their Instagram followers)? How are you going to make it worth their time? You can forget that the whole purpose of dating in the first place is to have fun and find someone you will enjoy being around for the rest of your life. Girlfriend girls don’t get caught up in drama, they aren’t difficult to please, they are just happy and enjoy the experience of dating.
2. They don’t seem like they are going to do a switcharoo. One thing men worry about is that a woman is going to make a drastic change once you get in a relationship. I’ve had friends’ girlfriends suddenly lose interest in sex, or stop dressing up for dates, or drop out of college after they get married. It’s obvious when some girls only get dressed up or only talk about certain goals in front of another guy — but when you’re the guy, it’s harder to spot. Good thing guy code dictates that we tell each other these things.
3. She is a high-quality woman overall. The truth is that the bar is set lower for a hook-up than it is for a girlfriend. You only have to enjoy the company of a hook-up for one night, but you want to enjoy the company of a girlfriend for a long time. A girlfriend girl has a lot of attributes that are attractive. She stands out from other girls in a way that makes you think twice about letting her go.
4. She is “beautiful” vs. “sexy.” Every guy wants to hook-up with a hot girl but some kinds of hot relegate a girl to hook-up only territory. Is she “trashy” hot? Or does she look down to earth and pretty? Does she flirt with every guy for attention? Or does she just flirt with you?
5. They enjoy the little things. It’s my goal to create a great life for myself and my future family — but I’ve seen The Great Recession and I know that nothing is certain. As hard as I may try, I’ll never control everything in life and there will be hard times. That’s a given. A girlfriend girl will stick with you through this and support you. She likes life, she doesn’t need a fancy lifestyle to be happy — she just needs you.
6. She isn’t needy. I’m not talking about a girl who plays hard to get. I’m talking about girls who are actually hard to get. A girlfriend girl has a lot going on in her life, she isn’t waiting around for my texts or noticing how many minutes it takes me to respond or giving me the fifth degree about every woman I come into contact with. When a girl does this it’s a sad glimpse into your future of being badgered and suffocated. When a girl gives you room to breathe and it’s because she doesn’t need you to be her whole life — that’s a girlfriend girl.
7. She makes interesting conversation. There’s a point in getting to know a girl where I’m somewhere and I think, “I wonder what Ashley would say about this?” That realization always lets me know that I’m beginning to value this person — and that this is a result of how they come across in conversations. Obviously they have interesting and intelligent things to add to discussion, and I crave it more and more.
8. We have similar interests. Compatibility just isn’t super important when you’re just hooking up. All you need is the ability to get along and have fun together for a few hours (and physical attraction). A girlfriend girl is one who as at least a few similar long-term interests as you. Maybe it’s horror movies or hiking or cooking. There’s some thing that ties you guys together as a pair.
9. She doesn’t settle for just hooking up. One strange reason a girl has gone from hook-up to girlfriend in my life is simply that she didn’t put up with not being official. I never thought about it this way before, but I respected her a lot for sitting me down and saying, “this isn’t working for me. I want to be official or I don’t want to keep doing this.” It made me realize that she was the kind of person who worked to have the best life possible, and I want a girl like that on my team.
10. She comes along at the right time. Sometimes it isn’t about the particular girl very much at all. In the past I’ve messed around with girls after going through a breakup and there’s no way it would have turned into something serious no matter what she was like. The timing just wasn’t right.