The Art Of Listening To Your Gut In Love: He’s Out

Ali Kaukas
Ali Kaukas

On a Neanderthal level, men’s job on this planet is to literally go out and shoot sperm at everything they can to reproduce and make babies so our species can survive.

Women’s job is to discerningly choose who she receives in both her body and heart.

A lot of us “fill space” with people who, bottom line, just aren’t a “fuck yes.”

Or we allow other people to “fill space” with us when they aren’t treating us like a “fuck yes”.

I sat at a wine bar with a friend of mine in LA the other night talking about our ability to listen to our gut, male or female and REALLY hear what it is saying.

We have three brains–our brain brain, our heart brain, and our gut brain.

Our brain brains create all kinds of lies and stories that we can eventually believe are true, our heart brains sometimes attach to things that aren’t the highest most loving thing for us, and our gut brains job is to be the voice of no bullshit reason.

Why do we only use this in moments of danger when we are walking down an alley at 2 am?

Our gut/intuition is a boss that needs to be trusted, and listened to.

If it says no, or maybe, or meh–it’s our job to go, “He’s/She’s OUT!”

If we don’t heed our guts, our bed and bodies and space and job is filled with just anyone and anything.

It’s exhausting and draining.

Be discerning with your company, your heart, your body.

You always know if somebody is going to show up for you, even in their first actions and steps in your life.

We just try convince ourselves sometimes to not listen to our guts because ____________.

We usually know deep down that ___________ is bullshit.

The truth doesn’t need defending—so whenever you hear yourself or somebody else defending or explaining why it’s really okay that ______ is in their life—they know they’re full of shit but they are just choosing their suffering and want you to confirm that it’s okay they are ignoring their truth and choosing their suffering.

Don’t do it!

Whenever I shoot from the hip with a friend and they say, “But, he just got out of a six-year relationship…” or “He doesn’t want to label it as a relationship yet, and that’s okay because…” I know they’re looking for me to give them permission to stay in something they already know deep down isn’t honoring their heart and highest truth.

I don’t give them permission to lie to themselves and I love it when people don’t give me permission to short myself anything but a fuck yes love.

The fuck yes love’s and life partners don’t need defending, explaining—it is just a streamline easy space of “yeah, it just makes sense.”

You always know deep down if someone is meeting your emotional needs or just fucking around and wasting your time.

So why do you entertain it?

Why do we choose to spend time with people we aren’t crazy about?

Why do we eat the bullshit gamey sandwiches people feed us that aren’t crazy about us, and then try convince ourselves and the people in our lives that we like how it tastes when we are really craving deep down for love?

This back and forth can feel like passion and spark.

Part of your brain actually thinks it’s likely “cool” to not call somebody for three days, but in reality they are manipulations and mind games and two people just toying with the security of a connection.

Your gut brain know’s its not cool.

If someone is toying with the security of your connection, be it in friendship, business or love–fuck that.


And no, but’s—they’re out. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Follow me on Instagram for more updates and writing and buy my book, This Is For The Women Who Don’t Give A Fuck!

Keep up with Janne on Instagram, Twitter and

More From Thought Catalog