19 Women Who Have Been In A Threeway Explain What It Felt Like Being The Third Wheel


Found on r/AskReddit.

1. Feel like a toy

In my experience as the “third”, threesomes are more enjoyable with people who aren’t a couple. Why? Well, just because you’ve talked through the details and agreed on rules and boundaries beforehand, doesn’t guarantee things will go smoothly.

You know what sucks? When your friend starts crying in the middle of the threesome because she feels like her boyfriend likes you more now. This has happened to me twice, by the way, with different couples. Even if everyone seems secure, who knows what will happen in the heat of the moment. Plus, sometimes it just sucks being the third wheel to an established couple. It’s not that fun when there are so many rules involved (e.g.- the guy is not allowed to penetrate the third, minimal contact between the third and the guy, etc.) As the third, sometimes you just end up feeling like you’re a toy to be used for their pleasure, with little thought to your own. And there are so many opportunities for someone to have their feelings hurt that it doesn’t seem worth it. And then you gotta worry about the “weirdness” between you guys later. Resentment? Developing feelings? I say fuck that, too many potential complications.

Threesomes with people who aren’t couples? It’s a lot more fun, in my experience. If you get the opportunity, I say go for it, be it MMF or MFF. I think the most fun I ever had was a FFF.

2. Do it when you’re not dating

I’ve vowed to not have a threesome whilst in a relationship because I know that I couldn’t handle seeing my partner with someone else, but I’ve had several threesomes with friends that are really relaxed. I think there’s just no pressure if you’re all the “third.”

3. Jealousy is a big thing

I’ve had FFF with a serious couple and with friends, both spontaneous, and it’s actually so much easier than I’d imagine MMF/MFF either way. Something about everyone all having the same parts really seems to balance out the areas where one might imagine a lot of jealousy forming otherwise.

4. Once was enough

Guy here. My old girlfriend suggested we have a friend in as a third. We had a couple good romps. After the first one, the girlfriend was raving about how hot it was to watch me fuck the other girl. But after the second time she asks me, “Do you like [third]’s boobs better than mine?”

I decided that was the end of MFF threesomes for us.

5. Spontaneity is key

Most of the group sex I’ve participated in has been spontaneous. Though there was always attraction and sexual tension already present.

Once, one of my good friends (girl) and I were sitting at the bar one night and talking about our past sexcapades when we decided we wanted to have sex with one of our dude friends. So we called him to see if he was home, then showed up at his house 10 minutes later and proceeded to go to town.

6. An open relationship helps – a lot

My primary and I have been having threesomes with mutual friends for the last 2 years, usually as part of an ongoing play partner relationship. If you’re good at working through jealousy and have a compersive personality it works out beautifully. At the end of the day I LOVE seeing my partner with someone else because I love to see people I care about happy and I don’t feel like I have to be the direct source of the happiness.

There’s not much more fun than giving a good friend a chance to be the guest star and to fulfill whatever her fantasies happen to be. Maybe I’m weird as a pleasure top but nothing excites me more. I don’t think people can assume all couples are the same. If anything I’ve found my open relationship has made my connection with my primary stronger. I’m still good friends with all my friends too.

7. Your needs come second

I’ve done it and it was fun and we all enjoyed ourselves, but it was very obvious how much I was the third. It’s not like they didn’t pay attention to me or my needs but they were each others’ first priorities and I was a second priority. I’m still good friends with them. We still talk every week and enjoy each other’s company. But I don’t think I’d ever jump into bed with both of them at the same time again.

On the other hand, my SO at the time and me approached a couple of his lady friends on occasion and from the feedback I received they had a good time, and they’re still girls I like and respect and they still like and respect me – so it can end up both ways.

8. Friendships can be ruined

I have been the third. It was with a really good friend of mine and her fiance (which I didn’t know as well).

We had hung out and made jokes about messing around together a few times but one night we all were really drunk and it carried home and led to a really really fun time… for a little bit. But unfortunately for me, it did not end well and ruined our friendship. At some point she decided he was giving me too much/more attention than her and just flipped out. I left (didn’t get to finish :( lol) and we spoke the next day, she then accused me and her fiance of having hidden feelings for one another. I tried to explain it was just sex and that me and her had messed around in the past…

Anyway, yah, haven’t spoken to her since. So it destroyed our friendship.

9. Try to avoid couples…

I was a friend’s valentine’s day to her boyfriend. I wish with every fiber of my being that I could take that back. It ruined the friendship, it caused problems in my future relationships, and worst of all it wasn’t any fun.

They had talked about it for a long time, assured each other they were okay with it. But once things started, the girl started having panic attacks, she was yelling at the guy about things she didn’t approve of, and I was manipulated into doing things that were apparently on the strict “no-go list”.

This experience swore me off of third party experiences for a very long time. Probably around 8 years. I’m finally getting comfortable with the idea of possibility getting back into that world, because it CAN be fun. But no relationships anymore. Feel free to ask me any questions.

10. But if you’re a couple, go for a single person?

As someone in the couple half of the threesome, none of my friendships have been negatively affected after — and this has been done with several different friends so far. I think it depends on the couple and their security in the relationship, and also how it goes down during the threesome.

I think everything went great for us because my SO and I are very secure in our relationship and our sexuality, and tried to make it fun and do what our other partners (male and female) found to be arousing rather than solely focusing on our own enjoyment. If the couple you are going to try this with is more concerned about their own enjoyment and reactions/jealousy, it might be a bad time.

11. Couple need to be absolutely sure

I’ve been the third a few times and I’ve added a third a few times.

If the couple are extremely comfortable in their relationship and really solid with each other, then it can be really fun. If they’re adding a third to spice up their relationship, it can be tricky. I had a thresome with my best friends (who are married to each other) and it threw off our relationship for a little while, but in the end, the friendship won out and now everything is fine again. It took a few months though.

12. Boundaries should be set

I have been the third (or fourth, hah) a few times and one time was 1/2 of the couple searching.

How close are you with them on a day to day basis? Do you ever hang out with one more than the other? Do you mainly communicate with them as a unit or as two individuals? And do either have any history of jealousy with partners?

These are more questions to ask yourself than you need to answer here. I find that the majority of problems in a group sexual experience comes from a lack of communication. Either one partner talks to the third person more often and the other partner feels weird about it, or the partners don’t communicate the rules of their relationship – either to each other or to the third person. (Example: it is okay to hang out alone with either of them but no sexual activity is allowed. Or sexual stuff is allowed with the girl only and not the dude, etc.)

Having clear and communicated boundaries helps everyone in the situation. Make sure they are both engaging in conversation equally on the rules and don’t just assume one has relayed information to the other – make sure.

After that, have fun! It’s a good time with the right people and if you are all into it and checking in about boundaries you should be good to go!

13. Be certain if everyone is emotionally capable

I have a bunch of times. It just depends on the couple really. If there is not much in the way of boundaries then it’s pretty straight forward and very fun. You’re all there to enjoy your own and each others bodies. If there is a lot of restrictions then you may end up feeling like a bit of a playtoy for them where it’s more about them and their experience than yours. It’s still fun and exciting, but just a little more limited. In that sort of situation if you enjoy woman then you will be suited to spending more time on her than him.

There is also the possibility that they are not emotionally capable of this, but not even realise it. Perhaps ask them if they have done it before.

14. Potential friendship ruiner

It was interesting. They ended up being freaky enough on their own that they should have just told me they were into exhibitionism and not a “unicorn”. She and I sort of drifted apart for a little bit (maybe two or three months), but we had a very strong friendship before this, and definitely have a giggle or two about it every now and then. She is the beginning and end of kind hearted people, and I knew I wouldn’t lose her over it (in fact, she ditched the guy several months later and apologized to me for how he behaved).

15. This is very well thought out

In my opinion I think most guys who are in a relationship use the idea of a threesome to get away with fucking a new girl. Men like new things it excites them. They may love their girlfriend and be attracted to her but when he gets the chance to fuck a new attractive girl, he’s going to end up falling for her and craving her more than his girlfriend that he may have been with for a year or more. Most men probably won’t say anything though and stay with their girlfriend.

I also see alot of situations where the guy wants to have a MFF threesome. But is not ok at all with a MMF with their girlfriend. Why? Because they like the idea of being fucked by another girl but not their girl being fucked by another guy. And that’s selfish. It proves that you want the MFF for selfish reasons and not a new experience for the couple like many men claim. I know not all men who are in relationships and want a MFF are like this, but I think the majority are.

I think threesomes while in a relationship while you have been only monogamous before is a bad idea. Like someone else said, threesomes with people who aren’t in a relationship is probably the best idea. There are too many emotional risks if you do it while in a relationship. The woman can say she’s fine, but when you actually see the guy you love really enjoying fucking another girl, it can be absolutely heartbreaking.

16. A long discussion is necessary

I much prefer being in the couple than being a third. The threesome I was in as the third was a long-term relationship situation (three-way couple) but the primary couple had certain exclusions and rules (and didn’t do the best communicating their issues to me). Every other threesome I’ve done has been with friends or girls that I was seeing apart from my SO with my SO and I as the couple. They’ve been lovely, and haven’t made anything awkward/difficult afterwards.

My best advice to you: before you get down and dirty, have a long discussion about everyone’s limits and comfort levels. How much are the couple OK with you doing with each person? How much do you expect out of it vs what they are interested in? Are you allowed to see one or the other of this couple later one on one? Misunderstandings of these nature are the kind of things that make the biggest problems down the line. Open communication is seriously important.

17. Don’t chicken out

Well as someone who has invited a friend to be in a threesome, I can say it hasn’t impacted our friendship.

It didn’t go well. She’s very conservative and it was a bad idea from the get go to ask her, specifically. But she basically chickened out early on and left. No hard feelings though, its just kind of something that happened.

18. Watch out for this

I was the third in a three-way makeout session (no penetrative sex) with a guy who I think I was dating at the time and a girl who was both my best friend and ex-and-sometimes-still-lover. She was not my public girlfriend, we couldn’t come out (we were teenagers in rural Illinois). This guy was dating me, but shortly after we dated he dated her (after I was thoroughly disgusted by him and she and I were on the outs).

Long story short, it was a weird complex situation where all three people were clearly attracted to one another, and I have to say that two girls and one guy is going to end up being no fun for somebody at some point. At least that’s my takeaway. It was either both of us doing everything for him, or one of us getting all his attention while the other one kind of just sat there.

In my opinion, threeways suck if you’re one of the two same-gendered people, even if everybody goes both ways. If you’re the middle of the sandwich, and not the bread, it’s probably awesome. I’d definitely let two guys get with me, but I’ll never do two-girls-one-guy again. It was lame.

19. No regrets, but prepare to lose friends

I’m going to keep my answer concise. I have been in the situation you are in. I chose at first not to join them. Then I changed my mind and did. It didn’t effect the friendships at first, but it did in the long run. I do not regret a thing, however.

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